Multiple Pregnancy - To tell or not to tell?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Twins, Triplets, and more

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amother

Wine

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 12:07 pm

amother Currant wrote:

Not the person you asked, but for me twins are different because:

I can't realistically hide a singleton pregnancy after about week 13 (I get big quickly), so I don't even bother trying and just announce once it becomes visible. If I were to get pregnant with twins, I could give week 36 as my due date instead of week 40, and tgat would account for some of the extra size, and not be a total lie since twins are usually born several weeks earlier than singletons. So part of it is just that it's more possible to "get away with".

Another thing: if I lose a singleton pregnancy after I announce, everyone's gonna know, just like if I lost both twins. But I believe it is not uncommon to lose one twin but not another, so if I announced (and let people think it's singleton) then lost one twin but not the other, people would not know. So again, it's about being able to "get away with it".

If I were one of the women who does not look pregnant at all (or have anything else like HG that would give it away) until the 8th month, then I think I would keep it secret until the 8th month.

I don’t show until well into my seventh month. I don’t announce my pregnancies to most people anyway but I do tell my parents and some friends early on. I need the support. My husband tells his mother whenever he wants.

amother

Hyssop

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 12:38 pm

I don't have twins, but my sister does. She told one of our parents right away because she needed the support. She was really not fealy well. my other parent is overprotective and wouldn't handle it, and all of us would figure it out.

Her M&f inlaw, grandparents, my other parent, and a great aunt were told when she was sent in for an induction. She wanted their tefilos that everything should go smoothly.

amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 6:56 pm

Once you tell you can’t undo it…

amother

Snowflake

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 11:29 pm

I told my parents and in laws basically right after I found out, but that was more related to the fact that we were experiencing SIF and I knew they were very worried about us. My sisters I either told or they figured it out on their own. My brothers had no idea.
I told a handful of friends and I'm sure other friends and neighbors figured it out or at least suspected something.

amother

Yolk

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 7:48 am

My approach was to tell the few ppl who it would help us logistically if they knew. Those we felt we’d need to lean on for help during the hard pregnancy and immediately after, and those we’d need guidance from.

amother

Hunter

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 8:36 am

I would definitely want to be told sometime mid pregnancy. I’m the mom in this scenario. Always wanted twins. Maybe in the next generation

amother

Catmint

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 9:24 am

amother Pear wrote:

We told my parents and in laws in the 7th month.
They are good at keeping secrets though.
I would not tell if they would tell others, get anxious or be annoying.
My parents and in laws were very supportive. Neither live close by.

I told my sisters when I went into labor.

Edited to add: I only found out I was having twins a few weeks before I told the two sets of parents

Whoa how did you not find out until so late??

amother

Red

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 9:34 am

amother Catmint wrote:

Whoa how did you not find out until so late??

A family member of mine only found out a month before... It happens

amother

Catmint

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 9:37 am

amother Red wrote:

A family member of mine only found out a month before... It happens

But nowadays for women who get at least 2 ultrasounds in their pregnancy I would assume it’s really rare!

amother

Red

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 9:42 am

amother Catmint wrote:

But nowadays for women who get at least 2 ultrasounds in their pregnancy I would assume it’s really rare!

Not everyone does 2 ultrasounds...
For multiple reasons

amother

Catmint

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 9:49 am

amother Red wrote:

Not everyone does 2 ultrasounds...
For multiple reasons

Right that’s why I said “for women who do…”
It’s not surprising to hear women finding out super late if they’re not doing ultrasounds.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 9:49 am

I'd like to share my thoughts, from both sides; as a mother of twins and also a grandmother of multiples. BH.

My twins are in their 30s now BH; I recall asking Rav Ch.P. Scheinberg ztzl if I should let my parents know that we were expecting two. He said something like, why not? Your parents!
So we told both sets of parents (soon after we knew) and they kept the secret. They were in America and we are in Israel.
I think that it was a good choice; I had more people to talk to about it and they were very supportive. And they were excited for me too.

When my sons were expecting multiples, they both told us in the beginning as well. Since one lives here, I was able to help, in any way that I could. The other son was in America and we were in touch often, making sure that all was well.

As the mother (and MIL), I was very happy that I was told. I wouldn't have been angry if they didn't tell me, but the fact that they told me... brought us to a stronger connection in our relationships. That's something to keep in mind.

Consider: will it help your relationships with your parents/in laws? I think that this is a point to think about.
Whatever you decide, everything should go well BH, b'sha'ah tova!! Smile

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