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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 2:56 pm

Both my father and mother don't have a father.
There are two grandchildren in the family (my sibling's kids) with both names already.

However, I still feel very torn about which name to give.
I know that it means a lot to both of them as it's their very own father.

I don't love either name so that doesn't change anything.
Both were special and wonderful people so that doesn't change anything either.
I don't know what to do and I feel quite stressed about it.

SuperWify

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:01 pm

Did one of them pass away more recently?

chocolatecake

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:02 pm

Did you personally know one better than the other?

amother

Daphne

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:07 pm

You could let them decide, flip a coin about it, or decide to use the one which was used less recently.

singleagain

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:07 pm

Pick ad different name... Maybe from dh family?

amother

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:07 pm

Not really.
One was nifter when I was a baby and the other when I was 4...

I wish the birth would come out on one of their yarzheits.
It would make it so much clearer for me.
No chance...!

imaima

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you have siblings? Are you planning more children?

May be let dh choose a name this time if you don't feel pulled to any of the names.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:09 pm

Do one of their names correspond to a possible match of the parsha or haftorah around that time?

amother

Olive

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:10 pm

Dh felt that in a case where both names are equal then Kibbud av comes before kibbud eim so that's how we chose. If there were other factors we might have made a different decision. It also helped that there was no pressure from either parent so we didn't feel bad with either choice.

amother

Lightblue

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:14 pm

If they've both been named for already, then maybe look a little further afield for a name you like?

Our first daughter is named after my mother's mother who was niftar when I was a child and I had always dreamed about naming a daughter after. We were going to name our second daughter after MIL's mother but DH had second thoughts halfway during that pregnancy. His grandmother had already been named after by a cousin, but his mother's grandmother whom she was very close to had never been named for because she lived a long life and died after her grandchildren were finished having children already but before their children were old enough to really get to know her. So DH wanted to name for this great-grandmother and I agreed. MIL was thrilled and the name really suits our daughter.

amother

Daphne

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:18 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

To me, that is the only not good idea here. I find it so offensive.
I like the parsha idea, Yontif- even if it is a stretch…..is one a better alliteration with your last name? Anything to go with?

Kumphort

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:20 pm

Can you do something generic to make everyone happy?
Avinoam? My father is pleasant
Menachem for comfort
Or something like that

momof2+?

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:33 pm

I disagree with choose a third name. You already have 2 names, it seems you just don’t know which to choose. Would combining the names defeat the purpose? Otherwise you will just choose one. See if you could find a connection between one of the names. Maybe when you see the baby, he will remind you of one of your grandfathers.

I would imagine that either of your parents will understand if you give the other parents fathers name. Do you think one parent will be insulted?

amother

Lily

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:36 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Kibbud av does NOT come in to the picture when naming a baby! The only feelings to take into consideration when naming a child is those of the father and mother of the child. That's it.
Our parents had their chance to name their own kids, now we get to name ours with whatever name we choose to.

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:37 pm

so many nice thoughts and perspectives here. we take turns, once my maternal side, then dh maternal side. then my paternal side then dh paternal side.

if you've already given a name for your mom's relative then now you can give your dad the chance. or vice versa.

amother

Stonewash

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:39 pm

Speak to a rav? We weren't sure what name to give and we asked our rav and he was really helpful. He didn't outright say use this name, not that but helped talk it through and we ended up naming after someone other than we originally thought, and it makes perfect sense the name we used.

Have you thought about DH's side? I know some people hold by taking turns which side to name after. Has he got any relatives that were unfortunately niftar more recently?
I know if we were having a boy, I would do my grandfather over my dhs because mine was only a few years ago and there aren't many named for him, whilst every one of my sibs in law have named for dh's grandfather who died 15 years ago.
Hatzlacha with the decision. Sometimes waiting helps-for one of our kids, we were totally unsure of a name, we didn't have anyone to name for and we made a shortlist of names we were both okay with. After they were born, we chose together which was the name we thought was right. I know my sister was originally planning to name for one relative, then after her ds was born, she said she had this thought in the delivery room that he should be another name and it fits him beautifully.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:41 pm

I would run it by a Rav. Maybe you’ll gain clarity.
Maybe even ur parents Rav who know them and would help u be able to feel out how each of them would feel

amother

Crimson

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 4:29 pm

By my second son we didn't know which grandfather name to give . Dh asked a rav but he didn't give answer . So basically we made a goral in the hospital because I wanted to put a name in the birth certificate. Couple of years down later I had another boy and gave the other name

fbc

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 4:31 pm

Can you name both names? Nothing wrong with having two names and choosing a nickname that perhaps combines them? If that works the two names at hand?

amother

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 5:04 pm

Both grandfathers have two names so I CANNOT combine the names.
If I would combine it would mean my son having 4 names... lol

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