How was your experience at a boarding school?

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:42 am

I knew I was going away for high school all of my elementary years, first of all, which makes a huge difference.

Back then there were no cellphones, so I spoke to my parents maybe once or twice a week, occasionally more often.

So I was reallllly independent.

But it was a great experience overall. I liked the school, made really good friends, and did passably well.

I would NEVER let my child board by someone else's home. Only would send to a school with a dorm. And only with a cell phone (probably not smartphone).

potatoes

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:48 am

I went for some of high school
Had a cell (no smartphone in those days)
Stayed in a dorm.
But I wish I boarded by a nice warm functional family because I really didn't like the dorm. It was big, a bit hefker, and not amazing supervision or homey feel.
If I would ever send my daughter away, I would do good research to where she would stay (besides the school ofcourse...)
I would prefer a mother I trust looking after her.
I'm sure some form systems are better than the one I attended.
Overall, I gained, learned and matured a lot while being away, and don't regret it.

amother

Oak

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:51 am

potatoes wrote:

But I wish I boarded by a nice warm functional family because I really didn't like the dorm. It was big, a bit hefker, and not amazing supervision or homey feel.

The problem is that generally these are not the families looking to take in boarders.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:56 am

We had no local high school so it wasn't really a choice.

I had some pretty awful boarding experiences, many people take boarders for the money, and if your parents are far away and you're a vulnerable high schooler it can get pretty bad.

If I had boarded by a relative it would obviously have been different.

OTOH, a sibling boarded by a close family friend and it was wonderful. But as bad as the dorm gets you're with other girls, and the risk of a bad boarding family is way to high for me to even consider.

amother

Puce

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 5:32 am

It was the best thing I could have done because my family was really dysfunctional, but then again a lot of the kids there were dysfunctional too and there wasn't a lot of supervision. I did fine because I was motivated, but I think it really depends on the individual.

amother

Denim

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 8:34 am

amother wrote:

The problem is that generally these are not the families looking to take in boarders.

I know a girl that boards by the sweetest couple. There are a few girls there. They each have their own bedroom and have a common place to hang out. Her school doesn't have a dorm.

She has a simple cell phone and goes home for shabbos.I think the biggest thing is that she is now in an amazing school and has blossomed there.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:35 am

I went to a dorm, so I won't tell about my experience because I didn't have any with boarding, but I'll tell you my daughters.

She went to Bruriah, which is not really a boarding school. She was there for her last two years. The first year, she boarded by someone and while the family was very nice, she didn't like it for a number of reasons. She was never there for shabbos. In that first year, she made a very good friend that was in her class and they lived across from her boarders. The second year, she boarded by them. To this day, they are her second family and are extremely close. She goes there even when her friend isn't there. She actually still has clothing there. Smile

amother

Gold

Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:48 pm

I boarded by three different families. I was abused verbally at the first two. At one, I was forced to clean and do childcare. The nice, sweet caring persona that they had showed my parents went out the window when I came by myself.
The last house I went to were people who knew me as their babysitter and literally rescued me.
They are my second family to this day.

amother

Jade

Mon, Jun 25 2018, 12:56 am

Question for those who had bad experiences: If boarding by someone's home and the people were not nice, what made you stay at the school at all? Was there literally no other school your parents could send you to? Same question for the dormer's?

We are conflicted about what to do with our daughter. There really isn't a high school she thinks she will feel comfortable in, in our area. So we are hesitantly considering boarding. And so far, all my fears have been confirmed with this thread. I'm not sure I have the guts to send my DD out of town by herself. There are so many things that could happen to her, chas v'shalom.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Jun 25 2018, 1:14 am

School #1: I hated the school (they hated me too). Boarding family seemed nice, although turned out that a family member who was home often was a child molester.

School #2: I loved the school, made a lot of really good friends. Boarding situations got really bad and I was finally transferred to the dorm. Things got much better at that point!

My advice: Look into boarding families like people here look into shidduchim. Get references, call friends, relatives, neighbors, etc. to find out what these people are really like. Make sure that money is not the (only) reason they are having boarders. And have a serious discussion with DD about what her rights and responsibilities are as a boarder. Stay in close touch with her and have a backup plan so she (and you) don't feel stuck in a bad situation.

Some boarding experiences are wonderful, and create long-lasting relationships. If that is the mesiras nefesh you will need to have for chinuch, do it and have bitachon that it will be good - just keep your eyes wide open.

Iymnok

Mon, Jun 25 2018, 2:31 am

I hated being in a dorm. Especially when the dorm counselor who was fully responsible for us was only 19.
I would have thrived with a family. I needed a home structure.
In ninth I had relatives nearby whom I went to for every shabbos and was included in their events. I survived because of them.
In 12th I was in a different city. I found a couple families to spend my time at until the year was over.

I feel that girls need a home environment. Mother and father figures to care and guide them.
My sister is still very close with the dorm parents from her highschool.

jkw

Mon, Jun 25 2018, 3:19 am

Make sure that wherever your daughter stays you have a WRITTEN contract spelling out what she will get and what " duties" she has to do (no chikfcate unlesspaid as a babysitter, two meals a week with family, how the contract can be broken and with how much notice, etc.
This might avoid some of the worries..

amother

Salmon

Mon, Jun 25 2018, 10:52 pm

3 of my dds boarded. 2 of them started out by my sibling, then moved to a family.(not at the same time-years apart). They did better by the families who are their 2nd families today.

3rd dd was in a dorm, begged to be with a family, was refused by the school until she had a crises, then they kicked her out of the dorm and sent her to a family where she was happier. (I took her out of that school at the end of the year).

amother

Currant

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 6:59 am

Hi, I just want to come into this thread.
I was a boarding g mom to 4 different girls over the past 10 years. We are a nice, normal family who DEFINITELY not do it for the money. We did it because we wanted to help these girls, who, for various reasons could not be at home.

My husband and I are definitely not abusers!! We are nice normal people.yes, I'm sure that there are quirks to our family, but not more than any other family. We did have expectations about helping around the house, but nothing major (tearing toilet paper for shabbos, helping set the table, ...no real cleaning). We also had expectations that the atmosphere wasn't hefker....if a girl wasn't going to be home after school, then she had to call. If she wanted to eat on shabbos, she needed to let me know by Thursday at noon...one girl loved to eat at random friends houses on random weekdays, so I had to make a rule about that as well (if she wasn't going to eat dinner at our house she needed to let me know by the time she left for school).

If sending your daughter away, it's important to check references. Keep in mind that in some situations, the girls family isn't 100% stable, so former/current boarding parents might not be the best set of references. It's important to find d out if the boarding parents have a Rav, and try to speak to him about the family.