What is chassidish life like?

Mama Bear

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 4:52 pm

arita it is nice for a change to see someone writing and thinking positively of chasidim, as opposed to so many non chasidim constnatly seeking to bash us. Smile

thanks.

I dont have time to respond to your entire post because I have to go whip up some of my yummilicious cooking Wink

. but for now, the majority of men work, yes. There are those who stay in kollel for a while, but there is none of this Lakewood-type stuff where a family is supported or the wife works all her life while the husband learns. Yes, there are some choshuva talmidei chachamin who do learn, wives work - but they are not the norm, commen everyday.

I'll write some more later iyh when I finish cooking Very Happy

creativemommyto3

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 5:04 pm

no prob. wanna send some over here to E"Y???

Mama Bear

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 5:23 pm

lol. In EY there are plenty of chasidishe neighborhoods to walk through and see it all for yourself!

creativemommyto3

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 5:37 pm

except there is one problem, I am too shy to just go over to some lady in meah shearim and say " Hi, I think chassidim are really special, can you tell me what it's all about" That is what I am enjoying here on Imamother b/c I get to get my curiousities answered. I went to the la leche meetings in Boro park which is run by a vizhnitz chassidishe lady ( Yay Rivky Schwartz!!) and eventhough it was a lot about nursing, between her and all the other mostly chassidish ladies there gave such a nice feeling about being a mother. Not that litvish don't ch'v. I like both. I like the emotions of the chassidim and the non emotion of the litvaks, if that makes any sense. I just want to do what I can to be a true Jewish mother who is happy with my role and connects with Hashem in a very special way. I am known to be an emotional and spiritual person. I guess that is why I see the beauty of chassidism. IMHO, there is beauty in all sects of Judaism that are truelly commited to keeping Hashem's Torah properly! I can't say that I will run out and put a shpitzel on my head. My husband wouldn't like it too much. He said that he would really like me to be like the rest of my community. Yet, I am allowed to do what I feel will help me in my avodas Hashem and be a good mommy and wife. Not that litvaks are bad wives and mothers ch'v. They are very good just in a different way. I like to take what I like from both, if you don't mind! Very Happy

By the way, I think that chassidishe style dating is quite smart. I wonder if that would help the "shidduch crisis" that is going on??

chocolate moose

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 7:32 pm

Arita, Chabad Chassidus focuses more on learning and intellect. (Chabad v. Chagas)

You can expect the typical Chabadnick, with some exceptions of course, to be able to discuss Chassidus and maymorim and how they apply them to our lives, as well as the emphasis on tsnius, home life, etc.

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 11:16 pm

its so funny that this topic was brought up cuz I was just thinking about it recently. I consider myself 'yeshivish" and I recently went to a chassidishe wedding. I know that the girl had a "sit in" with her chosson and then didnt see him for the 10 months or so till the wedding. she also shaves her head and wears the "sihzel" (is that what its called?) I was just so curious about it. the kallah looked thrilled at her wedding but I cant help wondering what its like. I almost felt bad for her. here it is she is marrying a stranger practicly and shaving her head. it just sound so traumatizing. I just dont get it. I know its their way of life and all but I would love to hear about the whole "sit in" thing and getting to know your husband etc. what is really going on in their head. I dont mean to sound mean or anything. I know its a beautiful way of life and I really am inspired by chassidim. they just seem so pure and spiritual. I have just always been curious about "the inside life of chassidim". I would love to hear some feedback. thanks!

Twizzlers

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 12:03 am

arita430 wrote:

By the way, I think that chassidishe style dating is quite smart. I wonder if that would help the "shidduch crisis" that is going on??

I think that the shidduch crises can be chalked up to one major issue: and that is the "lakewood mentality". now I do not intend to hijack this thread with views on lakewood, but suffice it to say, if there were no "freezer", guys would go out younger and most of the "shidduch crisis" would be solved.

ps, I find this whole discussion about "chassidish life" interesting too. Smile

Mama Bear

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 12:22 am

BH we dont have that kind of shidduch crisis in which boys and girls get older and older and date a gazillion others and have trouble making up their mind.... because by the tiem we actually have the sit-in date, so much background checking has been done, our parents have met each other and us, and all that's left is to let us see if we are a compatible couple. The rest of the work is left for after the wedding. so we dont have the same shidduch crisis as the litvishe world does, but of course the system isn't perfect. there are still older boys and failed marriages. As opposed to the litvishe world, there are more boys than girls, and far more older boys than older girls. Girls get snapped up very quickly, and if you're not a learning boy, you will have a very, very hard time doing a shidduch...

amother

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 12:36 am

Quote:

It's really only the frummest of the frum who don't see their chassan's for 10 months. I assume they do see him on occassion in these 10 months though. But I'm sure you're interested to hear about mainstream Chassidishe Shidduchim.
I am a Satmar Williamsburg girl BTW, to give you a better picture, and I'll tell you about my experience.
When a Shidduch is redt and seems to be interesting we start asking for information. So I as the girl was getting information about the boy and the
family. Many girls also go to get a glimpse of the boy and the boy of the girl If I gave the signal to go ahead and both parties wanted to meet the girl's parents would meet the boy and then the boy's parents would meet the girl. After both sides seem satisfied, the girl and boy meet. Usually they meet in someone's home or in a hotel and the norm is probably about 2-3 times for about an hour. You'll always hear different stories though. Some meet more times for longer and some meet less. But that's the typical. The decision is up to the girl and boy. By the time I meet the boy, I know a lot of information about him and also how he looks and I was just so excited to meet him. The minute I saw him (and I'd seen a few other boys before which I told my father is not for me) I said "this is mine"
Very Happy

. We spoke and enjoyed the conversation. We met again and spoke again and both felt excited about each others. That's when we made L'chayim.
Now, in Satmar itself you'll find all different ways of how the couple interact during engagement. The frummer ones speak maybe before a Yom Tov to each others while the really more 'modernized' (for a lack of a better description) one exchange cell phone numbers. I spoke to my DH about once a week, usually before Shabbos. Since he lived and learned in a Yeshiva in a different country we didn't get to meet too often. Maybe 5 times during our engagement. But we kept up by phone.
I cannot tell you the sparks and excitement that comes with the Chassidishe engagements with most Kallahs. The phone calls, the stalking the Chassanim (when they're in town) the whole thing is so exciting. I enjoyed my engagement so much although I did miss my Chassan so much. And that's why the Chasuna was so exciting. I couldn't wait to finally get to know him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To outsiders it seems "weird" or "how could they get married like that". But trust me, there's a certain excitement of the unknown and lots of sparks!!!!

King

Mama Bear

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 12:40 am

I'm sorry previous amother but I find it hard to believe that youre a satma rwilliamsburg girl, because the norm definitely isnt 2-3X for an hour, and not in a hotel. The norm is in a house, 1 or 2 times for an hour each. Your experience was very different from the norm!

amother

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 12:46 am

Mama Bear. I am relating my experience according to how my family and friends have done it. All are Satmar Williamsburg girls.
There are many norms in Williamsburg so it's silly to say that mine is the norm and yours is not. There are so many people, so therefore a few types of norms.

amother

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 1:22 am

Mama Bear wrote:

I'm another Satmar Williamsburg girl and Mama Bear is right. Amother that is not the norm for a typical Satmar graduate. Whom are u trying to impress Rolling Eyes

? There may be different norms in Williamsburg but not in Satmar.

amother

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 1:31 am

Quote:

I'm another Satmar Williamsburg girl and Mama Bear is right. Amother that is not the norm for a typical Satmar graduate. Whom are u trying to impress Rolling Eyes

? There may be different norms in Williamsburg but not in Satmar.

Sorry then, we'll leave it to 1-2 times instead of 2-3 times. (what a difference Confused

LOL)
And your comment about trying to impress was RUDE. Because I did things a little different than you doesn't mean that I'm trying to impress anyone, does it?? Well, I won't respond rudely even if I have some spiteful remarks on my tongue because I won't lower myself to making nasty comments to others because they didn't do it exactly MY way.

amother

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 1:33 am

Quote:

There may be different norms in Williamsburg but not in Satmar.

Hey then amother. Could you explain why in Satmar itself there are people with spitzels and people with beautiful custom shaitels?

Blossom

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 2:59 am

Now all you Satmar amothers are making me laugh. It's kind of the same to me 1-2 times or 2-3 times.
Really, there's no need to put one down because to me you're practically saying the same thing. Now if that amother would've said 5-6 times that is totally different.
What I gather is that some people meet 1x....Most people meet 2x....and then some meet 3x.

(No wonder I can't sleep at 2:55 am. I first had to straighten this out Wink

)

suomynona

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 5:18 am

Twizzlers wrote:

I don't want to hijack this thread either but I had to respond to this. The Lakewood freezer is all of about 3 months. Many bachurim start dating a few weeks before they get out of the freezer and many get engaged before even going into the freezer. And then there are those who don't start dating right away even when they aren't in the freezer anymore. Do you honestly think that is enough of a reason for the shidduch crisis?

amother

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 5:33 am

I'm the wanna be again with a question. I think what you said about a woman focusing on her home is true and valuable but I couldn'ty help but wonder about the women in these communities who are less capable in these areas. For example, even with the yummiest recipes when different people make them they do come out slightly differently and some will not be so delicious after all. Household management, organization, child rearing all of these things are skills that even if all women were equally trained would be more prnounced in some women and less so in others. DO the women whose floors aren't always clean or make plain food considered less since they are not succeeding their task as well? In general I find this is true to an extent in most frum communities except that the woman is also supposed to be working to support the family and running projects int he community as well.

As far as the Lakewood freezer from what I unsderstand from the boys DH has tutored it is almost as if every boy has to go and spend the year in Lakewood to get a quality shidduch even though they are not really Lakewood boys. I don't think this is causing the shidduch crisis but it does seem to be a misrepresentation and keeps these guys off the market for an extra year when they could be in shidduchim.

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 8:19 am

Mama Bear wrote:

there are more boys than girls, and far more older boys than older girls. Girls get snapped up very quickly

This is my experience too, although in a totally different world as you know Wink

. How come in some groups there are more girls or boys than in others?

greenfire

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 10:01 am

never heard of a freezer ... curious

and engaged for 10 months ... I always thought it was 3 or 4 at most ... curious again

suomynona

Mon, Jun 18 2007, 10:07 am

greenfire wrote:

never heard of a freezer ... curious

Lakewood Yeshiva has a rule that you're not allowed to date for the first 3 months after you come to yeshiva. They want the bachurim to "get into" learning before they start shidduchim. If all bachurim would start dating right away, yeshiva would basically be a joke for bachurim.