What is chassidish life like?

creativemommyto3

Sat, Jun 16 2007, 5:55 pm

I have always been curious to find out what chassidishe life is like? I am asking out of total curiousity. No bashing intended. If anybody can reccomend books ( in English) I would appreciate it. Many of the women seem so happy with their roles as women and with their lives in general. Do chassidish ppl really talk to their husbands beyond, how is your day? Is there ever any emotions involved? What are some of the minhagim like and what are the reasons for them? I can't think of more, but I know I have more questions though.

Raisin

Sat, Jun 16 2007, 6:59 pm

I am sure you are aware there are many different types of Chassidim, and they are very different. So you probably want people to specif what chassidu they belong to.

There was a very interesting thread a while back about dating in the chaseedishe world. If it still exists you could look at it.

mimivan

Sat, Jun 16 2007, 7:35 pm

We're Lubavitch, and the view of women is quite positive....The idea is that a women is an akeros habayit, but at the same time, she has a role to play in the world at large, bringing Jews closer to Yiddishkeit.

The Rebbe compared a woman to the kohain gadol and the home to a miniature beis hamikdash...and the Rebbe also encouraged women to go to shiurim and to be actively involved in Kiruv, particulary candle lighting campaigns...

As far as husbands and wives, the Rebbe encouraged even the busiest couples to sit down over a cup of tea or coffee every evening for at leat 15 minutes to talk. The Rebbe would come home at 4 am sometimes and he and the Rebbetzin would talk. This demonstrates that a man should not use work responsibilites and even Torah learning as an excuse to avoid shalom bayis or talking to his wife...

I can't recommend books, because, quite frankly, I don't find many of them as helpful as talking to people and exploring the community.Acutally The Rebbe's Army by Sue Fishkoff or Around Sarah's Table (?) are good places to start.

I"ll just add that a sociologist came to Crown Heights to study Chassishe girls. She expected to find them shy, reticient and somewhat repressed because of the division between boys and girls. She was surpised to find the girls empowered and self-assured with positive female role models. This was due in a large part to the separation between boys and girls, and

This is one of the reasons (at least initially) I preferred Chabad to other derachim which may not be as strict about the seperation between men and women. When I made teshuva and spent a month at a Chabad camp for Baalei Teshuva. Being away from men in day to day life finally enabled me to think clearly about myself as a woman. (I hadn't noticed how constant, casual contact with men (as is normal in the secular world) made me feel unconsciously objectified on a day to day basis and was sucking away my energy, whether it was chatting by the water cooler at work, or having a friend's husband hold my hand too long at a handshake during party) I also found the standards of Tznius to be quite empowering! It felt good to cover up!

I also feel in love with Chabad Chassidus and am impressed by the fact women are encouraged to learn and daven. I felt that I was meant for this way of life, but the only way I could have found out was exploring first hand....going to shiurim, talking to people, seminars, and living the life.

Pm me if you want to! Do you live in Israel??

chocolate moose

Sat, Jun 16 2007, 10:47 pm

Arita, come to cRown Heights for a visit!

Mama Bear

Sat, Jun 16 2007, 11:39 pm

is arita referring to lubavitch chassidish or boro park chassidish or williamsburg chassidish?

Mirabelle

Sat, Jun 16 2007, 11:55 pm

My husband went through a pretty big Chabad "phase" before we met. Sometimes I think he would be very happy in that lifestyle. Every once in a while he mentions to me how he wants to go learn for a week or two in Crown Heights..... What

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 12:22 am

chsiddishe life is same like litfish one-just add a shtereimel to decorate...lol

batya_d

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 12:27 am

Mama Bear wrote:

is arita referring to lubavitch chassidish or boro park chassidish or williamsburg chassidish?

I have the same question. I really don't think she's talking about lubavitch. She's asking about shpitzel/shtreimel/veisse zacken/no women driving types of chassidus.

creativemommyto3

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 12:46 am

all, everyone can describe their own sect, by the way, my husband was born yeshivish and I associate with that, but I am just plain old curious b/c I have chassidic blood on my mom's side from my zaidy and his father. My great grandfather learnt with many chassidic rebbes like spinka, lelov etc.

Piper

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:04 am

In some sects women don't drive?

what is a shpitzel?

creativemommyto3

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:26 am

chocolate moose wrote:

Arita, come to cRown Heights for a visit!

I live in E"Y. When I did live in NY, my friend came from EY and we went to the rebbe's ohel, 770 and the yeshiva, all in 6 hours. Thanks for the offer!

mimivan

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:30 am

Piper wrote:

In some sects women don't drive?

I wish it was our minhag not to drive. My husband wants me to learn, but I am terrified of driving in E.Y... a minhag not to would be a perfect way out...weird I chose the name mimivan, huh?

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:50 am

Just curious..Why do you think chassidish people dont talk to thier husbands?

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:56 am

I heard one chassidic group does avoid talking to their wives because in Pirkei Avos it says to avoid conversation with a woman.

"Do not indulge excessively in conversation with the woman. This has been said concerning one's own wife; how much more so does it apply to the wife of another."

I guess it depends how they define "excessively."

anon, because don't want people to think I'm advocating this...just heard it is someone's minhag... might not be true.

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:58 am

Above imamother..Thats interesting. Never Heard of it.

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 2:06 am

Quote:

Do chassidish ppl really talk to their husbands beyond, how is your day?

No, we don't even ask how is your day.
We
Is there ever any emotions involved?
Nah! The moment you find out you're Chassidish, you became de-emotions-itized.

Tongue Out

Arita Dear, Our emotions have nothing to do with what type of group we associate with.
And our marriages- Well I can't speak for all of the Chassidishe marriages cause I'm only involved in mine Very Happy

. But I always say that I wish on all marriages to be as happy and full of sparks like mine.
I can't imagine where you would even get the idea to ask a question if we even ask our husbands about our day, like as if that is totally shocking in itself. I have to tell this to my husband-He'll have a good laugh. Why in heavens not??? We also learn in kallah classes just like everyone else that
COMMUNICATION is the Key to a healthy happy marriage. And so did my Husband learn it in Chosson Classes.

I'll be glad to answer your questions. But I hope you understand that there are like 100's types of Chassidus out there and in every Chassidus the lives vary from person to person. If you have a specific question I'll be glad to answer according to my perspective.

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 2:09 am

Quote:

Well I wonder which Chassidus that is, Because I've never heard of it and if there is such a Chassidus than it's not the norm for most Chassidishe people.

ltlesmartmom

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 2:15 am

THIS CRACKS ME UP!!!! LOL

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 2:45 am

Arita:

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to tell you about my life.
(I will answer in very short because I do not have the time really at the moment but still would like to give you an answer and hope to be able to answer in more details later this week.)

Chassidishe life is b"h beautiful and wonderful. It is full of warmth and very spiritual.
As a Chassidishe women, I am very happy with my role. Women are very much respected and a lot of emphasis is put on respecting and holding the women in the highest esteem.
We emphasize very much on building a beautiful marriage which of course includes communication (which answers one of your questions) and everything else which includes, romance, love, intimacy, giving, helping, sharing, discussing, spending time with one another etc.
In my community, the women are the backbone of most Mosdos and Chessed organizations. They are very dependant on us, the women, to keep the community up and running. We have lots of women functions, women parties, get togethers, shiurim etc.

Of course there are all kinds of people and all kinds of marriages in each community, including mine, but this is my experience and although I highly respect every Jewish person and love each of my fellow jews I am glad and feel lucky to be a Chassidishe woman.

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 5:59 am

mimivan wrote:

Piper wrote:

In some sects women don't drive?

I wish it was our minhag not to drive. My husband wants me to learn, but I am terrified of driving in E.Y... a minhag not to would be a perfect way out...weird I chose the name mimivan, huh?

I guess you are just not sending your children to the right schools. A friend of mine in Y-lim sends her daughter to one of those selective private B"Ys. They are regular yeshivish and the school doesn't want the mothers driving.

Arita thanks for starting this post. I am a wanna-be-a Chasidishte, but DH is not really interested. Thanks also to all the amothers who responded. If it wouldn't be too much to ask, let us know which Chassidus you are so that we can learn more.

Thanks