What is chassidish life like?

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 6:37 am

TzenaRena wrote:

Wannabe chassidista, being a chassid/chasidiste is as much a state of mind and being as doing the outward minhagim.
"Bmakom shretzonoi shel Adam, shom hu nimtza", in the place of a person's will, is where he's found. You are where your ratzon is. (Saying of the Baal Shem Tov).

Yes, but only as far as only I am concerned. Anything that goes beyond my own personal avodah would not be affected by my state of mind no matter what. you mentioned minhagim, but it also affects other things such as dress and where we send our DCs to school (not like the Chassidshe schools would let us in anyway, but that is another story). I also can't go over or around DH and go asking Rebbes for advice even though I personally feel my life is lacking the guidance that you can only get from relying on gedolim. I have plenty of great wise and experienced women to talk to but it is not the same. Also, maybe I am fantasizing about what it is like, but the idea of being part of one community with all of its resources and support is also something you can't get from ratzon.

Ruchel

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 7:42 am

amother wrote:

chsiddishe life is same like litfish one-just add a shtereimel to decorate...lol

For having seen both from close, I totally disagree. The whole outlook on life is different and also the general attitude, especially among the older people, is reeeeeally different. Litvish can be hard especially on women.
Waiting for a bashing.

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 8:32 am

amother wrote:

I heard one chassidic group does avoid talking to their wives because in Pirkei Avos it says to avoid conversation with a woman.

"Do not indulge excessively in conversation with the woman. This has been said concerning one's own wife; how much more so does it apply to the wife of another."

I guess it depends how they define "excessively."

anon, because don't want people to think I'm advocating this...just heard it is someone's minhag... might not be true.

I heard a shiur on this mishna, that understands "excessively" as "extra" talk...ie. things of no importance, narishkeit, etc. and that to the contrary, a man should speak to his wife about meaningful things (and this can be the children, making shabbos, bills, telling her she looks nice, etc.) I think it would also include sharing things that are important to the individual to help deepen the couple's relationship and shalom bayis...

Not bashing those in communities who are stricter about not talking to their husbands, just mentioning a different commentary.

mimivan

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 9:06 am

amother wrote:

Well, it would certainly reduce the number of arguments....

Mama Bear

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 10:28 am

Maybe in Ger the men dont talk much to their wives Very Happy

. I dont know.

Some of the things that set chasidishe families apart from the rest of the Jewish population is the emphasis on tznius, (especially for women), the degree of seperation between men and women, and how isolated they (try to) be from the secular world. Also, the 'belonging' to a certain Rebbe or sect. Besides for that we are also a very neat and clean chevra and fantastic cooks.
oh, and I forgot, we treat chumras/minhagim with the same gravity as halacha.
Anyffink else/

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 10:48 am

NJmommy,
That's similar to what I've learnt. I am Satmar. I don't remember the whole pshat on this perek but I remember learning that since we want to share and discuss everything with our husbands we sometimes forget ourselves and speak loshon horah, rechillus, and such stuff and this posuk is telling us to be careful about talking with our spouses in this regard.

creativemommyto3

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 1:51 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

Maybe in Ger the men dont talk much to their wives Very Happy

Can you elaborate on how chassidish women tend to be such balabustas and what kind of chumras and minhagim you have? if you don't mind adding reasons too, sources..? Very Happy

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 2:18 pm

Quote:

and how isolated they (try to) be from the secular world

what I actually like about chabad chassidus is that it teaches how Hashem is in everything and he wants us to not ignore this world and live in our own daled amos, but to live in and USE this world to elevate it to serve hahsem! I find that when the world is "bad" and there are so many restrictions, people do things just covered up more....

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 3:18 pm

Quote:

Most Lubavichers I know use the internet. There are tons of shluchim on Facebook lol
Many also watch selected movies.

Many Chassidim use the internet as well. The internet Ban was the prevalant thing in Lakewood and is now also prevalant among many Chassidish communities but it's not only specifically a Chassidishe thing.

I am not really wanting to get bashed for this but truthfully I don't see what the major restrictions everyone is talking about among the Chassidim. OK, maybe in Monroe and New Square and many of Williamsburg have certain restrictions with Tznius or driving But the Chassidim I mix with, I don't see the big deal.
They dress no more Tznius than the non-Chassidim here. Maybe they shave, that's something I can't tell. But outwardly they don't look very different, only the men do with their shtreimels, bekitche on Shabbos.
They have different minhagim with davening and Pesach and Zmiros and different outlook but I don't see them being anymore far'chumro't than other types. I hope this is not a Bashing on Chassidim but that's how I see it.
My neighbor is Chassidish. She has the internet, she drives, she dresses pretty much like any other type out there. She is very frum and nice and considers herself very Chassidish but then what's the big deal??? That Her husband wears a shtreimel? That Her kids go to a Chassidishe school? That they speak a little more Yiddish than I do? That they speak a Chassidishe Ivrah?
I enjoy her very much and Ch"v have nothing against Chassidishe women but don't see the big deal that they are more on a spiritual level. Sorry. embarrassed

Mama Bear

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 3:24 pm

arita430 wrote:

Can you elaborate on how chassidish women tend to be such balabustas and what kind of chumras and minhagim you have? if you don't mind adding reasons too, sources..? Very Happy

we tend to be such balabustes because being a balabuste is our 'career'. the majority of women don't go out to work, at least until the youngest child starts all-day school, so we spend most of the day cleaning, cooking, shopping, spending time with the children etc. I can't say that EVERY woman I know is happy with being 'just' a homemaker and mother, and many women have side interests, part time at-home jobs, are the types to arrange bikur cholim parties and do other cheseds, but by and large we are groomed from childhood on to be just that: an akeres habayis and aim byisroel. That is also, on the flipside, why infertility hits very hard in the chasidishe velt, because we are not expected to be anything else other than mothers...

In addition, Hungarian cooks are just finger-lickin good cooks, so we have yummy recipes via mesorah from our Bubbies Smile

.

Minhagim/chumras? Where should I start?.... I dont know where to begin and where to end, almost every single facet of life is different from chasidim and the rest of the world, including shidduchim, weddings, tznius rules, and on and on and on.

Mama Bear

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 3:28 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

Most Lubavichers I know use the internet. There are tons of shluchim on Facebook lol
Many also watch selected movies.

In Monsey and Boro Park there are a lot of chasidim like you describe... I'm sure that the original poster is talking about the ones in Williamsburg, Kiryas Yoel, etc., the ones that DO live differnetly from most of the world...

amother

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 3:36 pm

Quote:

I actually did say that in the beginning of my post

Quote:

OK, maybe in Monroe and New Square and many of Williamsburg have certain restrictions with Tznius or driving

You know what Mamabear. I agree with you about that. But I once visited Williamsburg. I was SHOCKED to see certain things. Most women looked very tznius but I must say I did see a few women who looked totally NOT what I expected. Not one, not two and not three, but more. I was totally shocked. I guess not every one in Williamsburg goes according to the tznius Chumros because some of them looked totally not willimasburgy Chassidish. Do you know such people in Williamsburg?

creativemommyto3

Sun, Jun 17 2007, 4:14 pm

Actually, when I went to Williamsburg once, I was totally amazed by it. At first I thought it would be another Boro Park. To me it felt like I entered a different world that just permeated with Judaism all over it. Not that borough park doesn't have it . I like the attitude of being brought up to love being an akeres habayis and an eim byisroel. I work at home and I have been trying to teach myself that it is more important to be the akeres habayis and a good mommy and wife than to stress myself about money (eventhough I really need it!) Speaking of money, do all chassidish men work, if they don't, what do you do for money. I don't want to start a discussion about WIC and foodstamps and how the world thinks that it isn't nice to work off the books etc. That is a whole discussion in itself.
Mama bear, would you mind sharing tips and recipes for those of us who want to be real balabuste's?
I gained a real appreciation for chassidim when I went to the Touro SLE program in Boro park and worked in day camp with mostly chassidish women. Not to mention the fact that I lived under two wonderful Stoliner familes when I was first married. It's a shame I was too shy to get to know them better.

I like the idea that the chassidishe minhagim add to the kedusha of the holidays, although I don't understand everything. Like, how do you make everything from scratch for Pesach. I read somewhere that one chassidish rebbetzin has her house kosher for pesach two weeks before just so she can do all her cooking and baking!!
To me, I think that being litivish with a chassidishe flavor is where I would like to be in life. To me there is wisdom in both.