Nanny said my 10 week old is spoiled?!

Yael3

Sat, Nov 01 2014, 8:35 pm

I personally would not have even kept her for the remaining of her shift. That was very disrespectful of her to respond that way and if she thinks it's okay to behave that way towards you, I don't even want to think about what she might think is okay towards a completely dependent child.
If you do keep her, I absolutely recommend setting up cameras in your house. I am not being paranoid. Please err on the side of being "to cautious" rather than being a part of the horror statistics

Dolly Welsh

Sat, Nov 01 2014, 9:15 pm

amother wrote:

Op here: yes I wanted to get rid of her, dh was more hesitant. Thanks for the validation that a ten week old can't be spoiled or like to be held too much!

I have the impression this is your first baby. If you don't establish that your word is law concerning childcare people, you will regret it forever and a day.

The bolded, above, is of no interest or concern.

Your verb "wanted" seems, to imply, to my understanding anyway, that this nanny is still with you.

I can't understand everything on the internet, and if so, this is one of the things I can't understand.

You are, of course, tired, adjusting, and hormonal.

We understand.

Wherever you got this one, it is probable there are others available.

I would like to remark that every day is a big deal in the life of a baby.

It is a huge percentage of his life so far, and he is packing in training, feeling, and growing in huge amounts. Even a day with a neglectful caregiver is teaching him many things. It's just a day to you, but it's a very long day to him. They learn, they learn. They learn very fast.

More or less, it is teaching him to be just like her.

Always take childcare advice from people who you would like your child to grow up to be like.

The reverse is also true.

dee's mommy

Sat, Nov 01 2014, 9:25 pm

You are your baby's mother. You know what is best for your baby.

Personally, I would not keep on a nanny with that attitude.

There is no such thing as a spoiled baby. Spoilage happens to neglected food. Babies cry because they need something. In the first year, a baby's needs and wants are the same thing, and it is appropriate to respond to their needs.

Dolly Welsh

Sat, Nov 01 2014, 9:33 pm

That is true.

You cannot spoil anybody under one year of age.

"Drive slow. We have to eat the dust you leave behind".

That was written over a bar somewhere, I heard, and it is wisdom.

You will be eating the effects of other people on your children long after they have skipped off to other amusements.

ElTam

Sat, Nov 01 2014, 9:34 pm

A person who knows so little about child development that she thinks a newborn can be "spoiled" should not be caring for a child. Fire her. Yesterday. And find an older, loving nanny who knows what's what when it comes to babies.

Ask some questions. Describe your baby to her. How would she deal with it etc.?

I would be afraid to leave my child with your current nanny for even a moment.

causemommysaid

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 1:06 am

amother wrote:

Op is she pretty? Des your husband like her? I can't think of amother reason why he would want to keep her?

Probably nothing is going on with the DH and the nanny but I do agree that it is weird he wants to keep her.

maybe, because he is a new dad, he knows as little as the nanny regarding childcare.

please get rid of this "child" who is taking care of your baby. she obviously has poor judgement and is inexperienced with babies. plus, you shouldn't tolerate an employee talking to you like she is the boss.

amother

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 2:27 am

I wasn't implying that the husband and nanny is having an affair. It could just be that the nanny is pretty so the husband doesn't want to let her go.

It's not normal for a guy to want his child to be abused. He must like having the nanny around a nice place to rest his eyes.

newmommy:)

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 2:59 am

first of all why does every thread on imamother have to end up accusing someone of xyz!?

anyway, I agree. Baby care is probably the most time consumin and stressful parts of my life (and I only have one!) I am SO not the overprotective type, it drives DH crazy sometimes cuz hes always like "do you hear her?" "where is she" "do you think she's ok" "OH NO! she has something in her mouth" "we should steralize that paci" (it would be cute if it weren't so annoying hehe)
anyway, so I'm not overprotective but when it came to sending out my baby there was a babysitter who everyone RAVED about. so warm so caring so responsilbe bla bla bla. and I sent my daughter there for a week and something just didnt sit right with me. ps im sure she was warm and caring and responsible - but none of that mattered, because the only person that had to feel comfortable with this was ME and I didn't.

so, this case seems a little more extreme, I agree with PP that I would've told her to leave that day! I mean im not really so assertive but for sure that week Smile

! but it goes for anything with child care
you need to be comfortable, it doesnt matter where her attitude comes from - you want someone who will be the second best you to take care of ur baby!

Frumdoc

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 4:45 am

Husband is just less confident with the entire picture, less sure that the nanny is wrong, after all, she is the expert and men do like their experts, being less inclined to go with instinct than women.

Plus, he may be running the line of easy life, not rocking the boat and sacking one nanny and then going through the whole process of hiring another, and worried about how his wife will cope meanwhile.

This is probably how the dh is thinking, not "lets keep the eye candy!"

finallyamommy

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 5:58 am

I don't have children. I have been a nanny for many families. And I'm shocked at your nanny, and I agree with others that she needs to go NOW and can't be trusted. When I'm nannying, I know that the parents' word is law, even if I don't agree with her. But this isn't a matter of agreeing or not - that a ten week old can't be spoiled is COMMON SENSE.

I know it can be hard to fire with no notice and no backup, but do it for your baby's sake! If you're in Yerushalayim, PM me and I can watch your baby until you find a new nanny.

anuta

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 8:30 am

Sounds like she is an au pair. I have hosted (and still hosting) au pairs for years.

Bottom line is they have to do things the way you want them to do things. I have rules, instructions, etc on how I want my children to be taken care of. It is her job to follow them. If she tries to tell me I am wrong, her way is better, or in any way implies I am a bad mother, or if she outright tells me off and ignores my instructions, I get a new one, I tell the coordinator exactly the reason why she is not a good au pair.

Of course I give latitude in some things and rely on her best judgment in some things, but when you ask her to do something, and she immediately not only ignores your request, but tells you that you are wrong..... this is nuts.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 3:44 pm

The nanny is a genius and will go far in life. She knows how to spin her laziness into a theory. OF COURSE it's more work to go comfort a crying baby.

And, not everybody is particularly attracted to crying babies. Take one to a restaurant and see the looks you get.

She has no particular confidence she will have a success experience. Crying babies don't necessarily stop crying, and then you are not only getting yelled at, by the baby, but you feel like a failure. It's easier to wait the kid out and spin a theory. In time, they fall asleep from exhaustion and there you are.

Clever girl.

She's 19. Unless she is very fat, covered with pimples, wears thick glasses or has huge buck teeth, she is probably not hard to look at.

That doesn't mean the husband is evilly rubbing his hands and making plans, it just might make it harder to chuck her into the street. She might cry.

Or use some of her imperiousness at these stupid Americans on OP and her husband.

I hope this story ends well. It gets harder the longer the unsuitable person is there. Acting fast is easier "agency? I am not pleased. Send another one. Er. No. Do you have someone else? Don't send this one again. You don't? Can you give me the number of a sister agency that might have someone? Oh? You do? Good."

hesha

Sun, Nov 02 2014, 6:31 pm

I would get rid of her asap
she sounds like she could easily neglect your baby
which could scar her for life
the first year of life is when babies learn to trust, based on the care they receive....
I wouldn't trust her to take care of any child of mine
19 isn't much more than a baby herself, and unless she comes from a big family or has had lots of experience with newborns elsewhere, I don't see how she could have the experience necessary to care for her
gather your guts and just fire her
it won't be easy, but you will never regret it
the longer she stays the harder it will be to get rid of her. do it now

Miri7

Mon, Nov 03 2014, 12:43 am

Oh, dear.

Your sweet baby is not spoiled.

Your nanny needs to find other work, as she is way off the mark.

Some babies just need a LOT more attention, cuddles, and patience than others. You need a nanny who will support your choices and follow your instructions, someone you can trust. Good luck finding a good new nanny! Trust yourself and your intuition. I have been happiest with nannies who are sweet, affectionate, grandmotherly, cuddly types, not supporters of crying it out. But that is my personality and parenting style.

You are the ima, and what you say goes! Remember that your nanny works for you - you are in charge of how your child is cared for.

Mazal tov on the baby and good luck in the nanny search.

cityofgold

Mon, Nov 03 2014, 3:22 am

A lot of guys place more importance on "professionals." Your husband might just be more swayed by a "professional's" opinion rather than his/your intuition. Also, he might be secretly worried that it's true. It's so confusing in the beginning, especially when a baby has reflux/similar, because you're always wondering if you did something differently, it would be better. So, I don't think it's so strange for your husband to want to give it more time, but I do agree with everyone else that you should push for what you intuit to be the right thing.

chani8

Mon, Nov 03 2014, 6:07 am

If I was paying for a nanny, I'd expect her to follow my instructions. A 10 week old baby is very young and you can't spoil them with too much holding. Some babies do get overstimulated from holding in a busy environment, but this nanny should be able to sit in a quiet and dark room and cuddle and sooth him.

I'm sorry that your DH is not being supportive of your feelings as much as he sounds embarrassed by your contradicting the Nanny. I'd say trust your Mama Bear instincts and do what you think is best. Which is much more expertise than any training a 19yo has to offer.