Was my host off-base or correct in her request?

levial

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 12:05 pm

OOOH that's rude. I think I get that her kids are not good at handling frustration, but its still not right. She should have provided your little one with something to play with...distraction.

I'm pretty sassy sometimes and it takes all my concentration not to say somehting in those situations - it makes you want to say something competitive like "Oh, how are you ever going to teach your kids savlanut and how will you ever have more kids?"

MiamiMommy

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 12:15 pm

Barbara wrote:

MiamiMommy wrote:

I don't have a baby right now, but I keep my home childproofed so that parents with little ones can relax. I still have locks on my cabinets, etc. If the older kids don't want to be bothered, they go in to a room with a door- or they find something else to play with.

I would have felt the same as you. Totally!

But the issue wasn't the childproofing. The issue was that the older kids would not have been able to play with the toys they selected with a toddler around, unless she was a very unusual toddler. The older kids wanted to build with their Duplo. Toddlers like knocking down towers and building blocks. The activity almost certainly would have devolved into the kids amusing the toddler or giving up because everything they tried to build was immediately knocked down. Older kid activities quashed.

Every kid needs his or her own space. Its not fair to older kids to always limit *their* activiites to things that are appropriate for the youngest child present. Surely there are times when the OP takes the toddler away from the older children so that they can play with their own things in peace.

Now, I wasn't there. I can't say that the OP was right or wrong. But surely there's no requirement that guests always have the run of the house without expecting them to supervise their own kids simply because they're invited for Shabbat lunch. IOW, there was some point at which the OP should have been expected to *chase after* the todder (as she stated), hold her, or get down on the floor herself to play with and amuse the toddler to give the older kids a chance to play. I just don't know if they were at that point.

I was just saying that if you're going to invite people with young kids. . .do whatever you can to make their time in your home enjoyable! I used to avoid going to people's houses for Shabbos if I had to spend the entire time away from the table, or struggling to keep a little one on my lap. . .may as well just stay home!

chocolate moose

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 9:36 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I dunno, I think it was quite rude. Being the mother of a rambunctious toddler who would pull my shaitel off if I made her sit on my lap away from the kids, I can empathize with OP. If I would ever invite guests with a toddler, I would try to be as accomodating as possible. And if I couldn't work it out, o wouldn't invite them.

that kind of kid stay HOME for shabbos !

Tefila

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 10:08 pm

levial wrote:

I agree and if I was not in the position that I am in and if that happend to me I would have said a word or two to her too

BusyBeeMommy

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 9:22 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

that kind of kid stay HOME for shabbos !

No actually, if I could (we live in an area with no eiruv), I would take her out every shabbos. The company of other kids keeps her tamer. It's when her mommy has to control her that she gets violent LOL

Raisin

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 5:31 am

chocolate moose wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

that kind of kid stay HOME for shabbos !

yeah, thats right. lock up all mothers with lively children. far away from any other civilised people. In fact, maybe we should build special prisons for them? make it illegal for them to leave the house?

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 6:45 am

Barbara wrote:

MiamiMommy wrote:

agree