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Forum
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-> Guests
amother
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 Sun, Jan 04 2009, 7:41 pm
We ate out for Shabbos lunch yesterday at a family in the neighborhood. Their 2 kids were playing during the meal in the den which is just off the dining room, so my kids went to join them as well. Then the hostess asks me if I could please keep my 14 month old out of the den because it's not right for my baby to ruin what they are playing with. The kids were about to start playing with large size lego type of things. (They had not built anything yet, nor was the toy a choking hazard.)
I was a bit taken aback. There was no door to the den or gate to keep my baby out, and I thought it was inconsiderate for me to have to hold my child on my lap or keep running after her to keep him away from her older kids. I felt that this is not proper hachnasos orchim nor chinuch. If her kids didnt want to be bothered, I think she should have had them play in their bedroom.
In my house, my kids have been taught that yes, the baby will get into the toys, but sometimes we have to play with the baby anyway, and sometimes it's ok to take some toys and go to the bedroom and play.
Sorry for the long megillah. Was I wrong to feel this way?
Anon b/c I'm a frequent poster and I just want an objective opinion, not based on my screename.
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yo'ma
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 7:44 pm
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I would feel the same as you.
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Raisin
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 7:45 pm
you were right I think. it is odd.
having said that my kids complain the whole time when my baby gets into the stuff they are playing with, bh for playpens.
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mimivan
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 7:48 pm
Yes, I think you are right.
I have this all the time, but I tell my oldest to go into Abbas office or the bedroom if he really doesn't want to be bothered.
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yikes!
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 7:53 pm
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I think it was totally uncalled for. How can you keep a 14 month old away from the toys that the other kids are playing with? I'm sure he/she wouldn't have wanted to sit on your lap the entire time anyway!
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chocolate moose
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:02 pm
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if I were the hostess, I woudln't have invited a family with that age baby.
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Pineapple
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:13 pm
| yo'ma wrote: | | I would feel the same as you. |
So would I
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mamacita
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:14 pm
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I also would have been very annoyed. I don't like going to places that aren't babyproof or baby friendly for that reason. It's not enjoyable for either of us when the whole meal I"m playing policeman.
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mimivan
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:14 pm
| chocolate moose wrote: | | if I were the hostess, I woudln't have invited a family with that age baby. |
yes, at least that's honest.
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BennysMommy
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:18 pm
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I also think it was rude of her but once she asked me that, I would have asked her if there was somewhere my baby can play with some toys that are age appropriate. (in a pack n go or something of the sort) If she says no I would ask her if her kids can play somewhere else or with another toy that the baby can play along with.
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GAMZu
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:38 pm
| chocolate moose wrote: | | if I were the hostess, I woudln't have invited a family with that age baby. |
If you don't have resources to keep the baby entertained and the house isn't child-proof, I understand. But they did invite them. And they do have other kids, so...
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greenfire
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Sun, Jan 04 2009, 10:45 pm
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I bet the kid would have been happy with a piece or two ... w/o anybody making such a fuss ... I would've felt upset as well ... not only that as a mother I would keep an eye out for kids to make sure they play nice - so what's the big idea ...
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Marion
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 1:15 am
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It's a bit of an odd request. I would understand if they were playing with really small "real" Lego pieces, but if they were Duplo or Mega Blocks, I really don't get it. As someone else pointed out, the baby would have been happy with 3 or 4 pieces that he (she?) could bang together.
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ChossidMom
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 5:05 am
I'm with you, amother.
Not fair and not proper hachnosas orchim.
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drumjj
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 5:17 am
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very strange if my kids have babies around I also make them play in their bedroom
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frumluv
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 6:07 am
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It does seem like a strange request. I don't see why the 14 mos old couldn't play with a few blocks or even a bigger toy that was age appropriate.
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marina
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 6:19 am
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I think that request could have been phrased more nicely and would have been reasonable had she given you some alternatives, like a play pen or some toys next to you, etc.
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MiamiMommy
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 9:46 am
I don't have a baby right now, but I keep my home childproofed so that parents with little ones can relax. I still have locks on my cabinets, etc. If the older kids don't want to be bothered, they go in to a room with a door- or they find something else to play with.
I would have felt the same as you. Totally!
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Barbara
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 10:17 am
| MiamiMommy wrote: | I don't have a baby right now, but I keep my home childproofed so that parents with little ones can relax. I still have locks on my cabinets, etc. If the older kids don't want to be bothered, they go in to a room with a door- or they find something else to play with.
I would have felt the same as you. Totally! |
But the issue wasn't the childproofing. The issue was that the older kids would not have been able to play with the toys they selected with a toddler around, unless she was a very unusual toddler. The older kids wanted to build with their Duplo. Toddlers like knocking down towers and building blocks. The activity almost certainly would have devolved into the kids amusing the toddler or giving up because everything they tried to build was immediately knocked down. Older kid activities quashed.
Every kid needs his or her own space. Its not fair to older kids to always limit *their* activiites to things that are appropriate for the youngest child present. Surely there are times when the OP takes the toddler away from the older children so that they can play with their own things in peace.
Now, I wasn't there. I can't say that the OP was right or wrong. But surely there's no requirement that guests always have the run of the house without expecting them to supervise their own kids simply because they're invited for Shabbat lunch. IOW, there was some point at which the OP should have been expected to *chase after* the todder (as she stated), hold her, or get down on the floor herself to play with and amuse the toddler to give the older kids a chance to play. I just don't know if they were at that point.
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Fox
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Mon, Jan 05 2009, 10:42 am
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It seems like rather poor chinuch on the part of the hostess, as well. Since my youngest is 9 years old, we're long past the stage of having appropriate toys around for young children. However, we keep a bin full of things that are appropriate, and my kids know that they are on entertainment duty when we have guests with small children. It's part of hachnoses orchim just as much as serving a meal or asking DH to prepare a d'var Torah!
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