Older gen vs younger gen

amother

Blonde

Sun, Apr 21 2024, 10:20 am

My mother worked her whole life. Full full time. So most of the cleaning was left for the cleaning lady and motzei Shabbos when she was home. Pesach was very chilled. We opened the pesach kitchen when ready and would eat chometz upstairs till the last minute and just sweep and clean it up.
Then I married my DH. Whose mother is neurotic. Starts cleaning Chanukah time. My husband remembers sitting on the steps that was carpeted and scrubbing each step. We were eating in the kitchen by my mother in laws house from Purim on.
My husband thought my mom’s house wasn’t kosher for pesach. It was a fight at first.
Over the years my husband came to realize that there is nothing wrong with the way my mom does things. He is so traumatized that we don’t say the word pesach until two weeks before. Then I have full reign of the house and he has to respect me. But no way is he giving me from chanuka time.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Apr 21 2024, 10:41 am

amother Snapdragon wrote:

I'm guessing that most of the people who are more lenient (or strict) than their parents about Pesach cleaning are also more lenient (or strict) than their parents when it comes to many other issues too.

I'm also guessing that most of them are buying more prepared food and doing less cooking and baking for Pesach than their mothers did too

No. Not really. Well, I have 7 days instead of 8 and one Seder so technically yes. But I'm Ashkenazi and in Israel and while every year it gets a little better, there is so much that needs to be made from scratch.

In general, even not Pesach, I make a lot more from scratch than my mother. So I guess come Pesach it really isn't a big deal to me because it's what I'm used to doing.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Apr 21 2024, 10:47 am

Tzutzie wrote:

Def.
It's a big job pesach but you don't have to go crazy.
You don't need to wash anything in the bedrooms other than floors.
All you need to do is inspect the drawers we officially don't eat in the rooms. But preteens and toddlers.......
I like to spring clean during the winter. And then come pesach. I do all bedrooms in just an hour or less.
So you need to inspect it.
It's literally that simple.
The car dh pays to have it cleaned.
The kitchen is a big job as we use the cabinets to store things. So take everything out. Clean well, cover with shelf liner or silver paper. It's a job.
The couch needs to be cleaned. And the dining areas too including the walls where you can reach. Not ladders or sticks to reach places you'll never again tough. Door handles.
Pockets.
School bags, your bags.
And your good.

For the stove top, we bought separate grates and burners. And dh kashers the stove top itself and we just use the pesach burners and grates. Best money spent ever. Wasn't too expensive either.
Technically you can scrub the burners and leave the flame on high for 20 minutes and that will kosher the burners but I'm not fond of using those strong chemicals to get it looking new. so we just bought burners when we bought the grates. (technically that can also be torched but that's a much bigger job than just burning the burners.)
Makes cooking a breeze bh!

Prepesach is intense! But so worth it. Pesach is such a beautiful time!

Exactly.
I discovered very early on that there is nothing better than having your own Seder especially with a nursing baby. People think it's such a big deal and felt bad for me before I had old enough kids that it made sense. I felt bad for them. My toddlers and babies got to sleep in their beds when they got tired... When they got a little older, they could fall asleep on the couch.

People would say at least eat out for Seder and I would respond that if I have to clean top to bottom, you better bet I'm having my own Seder!!!

I also Spring Clean in the winter but I won't call it Pesach cleaning. Not to myself and not to my kids. I tell them we are decluttering. I do really think it helps me come Nissan, but that's not the point.

Overall, when I give out jobs that are related to cleanliness or organizing, I make it clear it is NOT a Pesach job. I really think this is important. They shouldn't see it in their heads as part of Pesach. Pesach shouldn't be blown up.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Apr 21 2024, 10:53 am

amother Raspberry wrote:

I was going to say... my parents are BT too. Is it an older generation thing, or a BT parents thing of trying really hard to be perfectly frum and going ott? I don't know. We had to go through every single book and page and shake out everything. Scrub every toy. We definitely moved the fridge to be able to clean and get behind it and everywhere. It's great to do a nice thorough clean once a year, don't get me wrong, but we don't have to make all of it about halacha when it really isn't.

As we grew up it somehow increased. I'm still not sure why suddenly their sink spouts and faucets needed to be covered in contact paper (including the counter tops which were always covered. We lined every single drawer and shelf after already scrubbing it clean.) Isn't cleaning it enough? I don't care or judge, it doesn't bother me personally, I live and let live. But I don't think it really needs to be like that. I'm not sure they even believed it what really mandatory because I heard from a sibling that since they don't get our help anymore, they don't do a lot of those stuff. (I moved overseas a while back and we haven't been able to go back for Pesach yet so I don't know personally.) I think sometimes people have their own idiosyncrasies that they end up blaming on halacha.

I haven't been to my parents in 5 years (we don't live near each other and they came to me 2 years ago), but I also doubt they clean with the same fervor now that they have no kids living at home and haven't gotten any younger.

My mother also covered EVERYTHING. I cover very little. Counters and behind the stove.. and more or less zehu. Oh my faucet because it was super easy. I bought a thing to stick over it.

What's sad is the amount of people who think they can't make Pesach just because they can't make their mother's version of Pesach. This is my 10th time making Pesach, my own version. I'm 33 Smile

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Apr 21 2024, 11:03 am

My mother’s father has insane Chumras for Pesach. He basically meshed his misnagdish/oberlandish upbringing with his Satmar adult life and took the strictest parts of both. Their house is a nightmare before Pesach.
His kids, male and female, all adopted and forced all of that onto their spouses.
Suffice to say I am breaking the cycle. In all areas. Not going crazy cleaning. Not making juice or cracking nuts. Not washing potatoes three times and using a lot more ingredients.
But most importantly dh and kids aren’t my scapegoats.
Bh my kids will not carry these traumatic memories

amother

Ecru

Sun, Apr 21 2024, 11:53 pm

I like to cook everything before yt so I do kasher a few days in advance but when it comes to cleaning, I'm so much more relaxed than my mother. She's busy doing every book that was never read the whole year but refuses to throw them out, she's doing pockets of every coat in the closet that hasn't been worn in years but she won't throw them out...
My house is a lot less full of stuff, I have regular cleaning help so pesach cleaning is just a little more elbow grease on the stove top and self cleaning the oven. I start from purim telling g her little things to look out for and when it came to kashering, it wasn't a big deal to be ready early. I cook for a few full days and then get to relax on yt. My mother cooks before every meal and is still busy during the meals. I refuse to perpetuate that!

amother

Mintcream

Mon, Apr 22 2024, 12:30 am

amother Candycane wrote:

Kudos to you it sounds like you don’t have a conventional set up.

you can say that again lol.
More space here than my tiny apartment and my aunt and uncle are here from e"y they wanted to see my kids so we came to my parents. bh it works since were sefardi and dont really have so many pesach restrictions. we can basically eat everything we usually eat just no bread so it makes my life as a BT so simple. also when my parents renovated the kitchen they put in 2 sinks and keep them fully separate and kosher for us. im very grateful.

amother

Burntblack

Mon, Apr 22 2024, 3:53 am

chestnut wrote:

Wow, never heard this one. They'll kasher only tomorrow morning? What chumros lead to kashering so late? When does your MIL cook? Is this what you do now as well?

No the kashering time and chumrahs are unrelated. I'm bringing out the point that there are people who don't stress over the cooking yet their cleaning is meticulous. My mil cooks the meal on yontif morning while the men are in shul. Erev pesach she only prepares the kaarah, homemade gefilte fish, and soup.

chestnut

Mon, Apr 22 2024, 5:32 am

amother Burntblack wrote:

Tbh, I think she's an exception with turning over this late.
They don't eat the main course during the sedarim?

amother

Pewter

Mon, Apr 22 2024, 7:22 am

My mother (70s) didn't go crazy, and neither do I (late 30s). In general I think if your house is basically clean and organized for the most part, pesach cleaning isn't all that overwhelming. When I lived in a small apartment it was harder than now, in my small house, because we were so tight on space that everything was less organized. A big house with a lot to clean is probably more difficult too.

I make plenty of food, and a big variety, but we like it fresh. I'm not into cooking in advance and freezing. So I really don't need my kitchen ready more than a day or two before pesach. I usually start cooking a couple of things after bedikas chametz and then do the rest on erev or on pesach itself.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Apr 22 2024, 7:31 am

I’m in my 40s and every year I get more and more chilled. So much of what I used to do was so unnecessary. I was just doing what I saw my mother do. My in-laws made Pesach the last few days before and I used to panic when I came to them thinking it’ll never get done in time and sure enough it always did.
This year , I started a week and half ago and I didn’t do any back breaking intensive labor . No cleaning lady this year either . Locked up lots of stuff to sell. Cleaned the basics like , fridge , freezer, oven and stoves .
I paid one of my teen boys to do odd jobs around the house and I cooked and baked a little yesterday and will do some today. I’m ahead this year than I’ve ever been. I don’t feel exhausted or drained like I used to. Every night I had time to lay in bed and watch a show I’m in the middle of . Plus I work full time. My mother who doesn’t even eat at home , has no guests (she’s being my guest) still kvetches how hard it is and she starts her cleaning in February. Personally, I started to realize that the more weeks you do this the more burnout you have . Start later , stay focused on what’s important and you will actually enjoy the process and eliminate the negativity.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Apr 22 2024, 7:35 am

chestnut wrote:

Tbh, I think she's an exception with turning over this late.
They don't eat the main course during the sedarim?

A lot of people serve chicken soup with boiled chicken and egg noodles in it and that’s the “main” . I made chicken balls to go in the soup with noodles for one Seder and that will be the main. Nobody is hungry by the time you get to that part of the Seder . Matzah, fish, and fully loaded soup is enough .