Young families vacationing together

Notsobusy

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:42 am

amother OP wrote:

I guess yeshivish is a broad term. These families are young and trendy more open minded but kids are in bais yakov ect..

Trendy and open minded is the opposite of yeshivish. I know couples here in Lakewood like that, they don't consider themselves yeshivish and nobody else does either.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:45 am

Notsobusy wrote:

Trendy and open minded is the opposite of yeshivish. I know couples here in Lakewood like that, they don't consider themselves yeshivish and nobody else does either.

your right I meant they are mainstream yeshiva type like the Men learnt in kollel for a couple of years. Boys are in regular chedarim. girls in mainstream bais yakov . Hashkafically they aren't yeshivish

amother

Beige

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 11:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Told dh there are 3 pages of ladies on imamother that agree with me so he says where are the ladies who do this. Your only hearing from the ones who disagree with this... I originally thought I was being overly sensitive and was expecting people to tell me that its a regular thing to do... This thread makes me feel so much better. (I keep thinking of bilaam saying MA tovu ohalecha yakov...)

I'm not yeshivish (a/m). I live in Lakewood.
I would have meals with a neighbor and their family, where my husband will mostly talk to the man and I will mostly talk to the lady so there's not so much cross talking. I would be taking a walk with my husband and stop to schmooze with another couple. Although I personally don't feel comfortable doing it, I do have neighbor's that would sit outside with another couple or two and they'll all shmooze together.

But I don't know anyone at all who would share a home with non-family members. Sorry.

Tell your husband that these neighbors are obviously an anomaly and they are definitely not yeshivish or even jpf and I would say 95% of Lakewood would not be comfortable doing that.

I will add in op, that my husband is more sociable than me and because I saw that it was important to him, I will invite or go out for meals with my whole family, very occasionally, to another family. (Personally I don't feel comfortable with just couples but I do know people who do. They still don't share houses)If it's something that's important to him and he wants to feel like he is a family friend of a neighbor then maybe try to go out of your comfort zone and go away as a whole family just for a meal. You do not have to talk to someone else's husband if you don't want to because there are other women at the table.

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 11:53 am

OP You are so right. If it was your family and cousins being in a villa,even a very large one thats great. but the neighbors. No way. Once a month maybe you can invite a small family your DH likes and spend time either on a Late Shabbat, or Sunday Brunch in the yard. This is not the time with friends Husbands.

imaima

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 1:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

Those who agree are already off the derech on reddit.

amother

Daylily

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 2:01 pm

essie14 wrote:

We do this with family, and maybe we would do it for a shabbat with friends who live far away. But more likely a situation where we each have our own sleeping quarters and eat together.
Definitely not for a whole Pesach. Way too long.
And we are MO/DL.

Yes.
Hosting another family in own home is a thing that is done in many circles, even though it presents similar issues.
And even that is frowned upon too.
Going on vacation in a rental together is different.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 2:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

one poster said she's done it and regrets it so there he goes someone posted who did it but she still says it was a bad idea!

MiracleMama

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:04 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

Doesn't even sound good in theory.

Why not? Lots of time spent with people I like. Kids have friends to occupy themselves. I think there are a lot of nice things here. Just don't want to be on top of each other 24/7. That's too much. Like I said - I could get behind renting apartments together. Not all in the same house/ unit for days on end. Too intimate.

amother

Bellflower

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:33 pm

imaima wrote:

Those who agree are already off the derech on reddit.

I do it and I'm very much on the derech. And I'm not on reddit.

I wasn't going to post on this thread, because I do believe it's not an ideal situation for most people, but your comment has gone too far.

And for those wondering, yes I have good shalom bayis, there is nothing inappropriate happening on these trips. We are very particular about which friends we go with and only go with friends who have excellent boundaries and respectful relationships. On a technical note, there are no sharing bathrooms, pool time is strictly segregated, and we don't really hang out as couples outside of sharing meals. The men kind of hang out together and the women kind of hang out together, and we leave space for each couple to have privacy too. Some of us can't make YT at home for various reasons and also can't go to family for YT for various reasons and this is an option that does work.

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:47 pm

we’ve shared an orlando house with our neigbors over vacation not for shabbos . was absolutely nothing wrong with it . the house was huge , so we had 2 totally separate sides of the house and we ate suppers together same way we would bbq together at home … I feel like there are ways you can do it appropriately and you also need to know who ur going with .. for us was completely ok and appropriate

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:50 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

agreed . honestly not sure what that comment was necessary for

amother

Ecru

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:57 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Same here. I wasn't going to post either. The friends/ families that we go away with are on the same page as us. We don't use first names. The women sit on one side of the table, men on other. On rare occasions do we have a group discussion with the men. We give couples their space too. It just works for all of us to get away for a weekend and everyone has built-in in company. The city is pretty quiet on summer weekends.