Tired of self-centered teens and young adults

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:35 pm

I’m gen z and don’t think I’m very self centered. Bh married with a baby and have been thru some stuff and I don’t think it’s all about me. Most of my friends are the same. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone (tho this whole premise is somewhat offensive to my generation) but I think this has a large part to do with the parenting. I was bh raised by parents who taught me proper values, and that the world does not revolve around me, and I think that is reflected in myself and my siblings as adults, and in the ones that are still teenagers. If you pander to your children and constantly smooth any obstacle out of their path, they will think that the world revolves around them.
I do think that there is an undercurrent of selfishness in the world around us that can seep in to even someone who wasn’t raised this way, and it is something that I find myself fighting from time to time because the world around me tells me that I deserve it or that it should go my way even though that’s not how I would instinctively think.
But on the whole, I find that often adults don’t understand the challenges that this generation is facing, and are quick to judge the struggles of this generation without understanding what regular kids are faced with on a day-to-day basis

amother

↑ Cornsilk ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:37 pm

amother Denim wrote:

Only people who know nothing about teen development blame the parents for teens' behavior.

And people who know a lot about teen development don't understand that teens are self-centered as a developmentally appropriate stage, and it's up to their parents to set proper limits?

amother

↑ Vermilion ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:38 pm

amother Denim wrote:

Only people who know nothing about teen development blame the parents for teens' behavior.

I’m a teacher and a mother of teens and I think the generations are great and every generation has what to dump on the current young ones.
I know a bit about teen development and my comment is tongue in cheek. Don’t talk badly about them or I’ll flip it back to you.

amother

↑ Denim ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:48 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

And people who know a lot about teen development don't understand that teens are self-centered as a developmentally appropriate stage, and it's up to their parents to set proper limits?

Parents setting limits does not necessarily mean that the teens stay within said limits.

amother

↑ Denim ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:52 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

Stating a fact that teens are self centered is not badmouthing. It's a normal stage of development.

It is perfectly fine to be tired of teen self-centeredness just as it's fine to be tired of changing toddler diapers.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:57 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

It's boys as well, believe me my son was pretty awful to me this afternoon, demanding lunch, and just not being a mentch and I just cried. I'm front of him cos I couldn't control myself anymore.

What did he do when you cried ?

↑ Peersupport ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:58 pm

amother Denim wrote:

It's not necessarily generational though. I think previous generations forget how it was to be a teen.

BaltoMom65 ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:08 pm

No one is saying that teens shouldn't test limits. That's normal, healthy teen behavior. That's not what OP is referring to. She's talking about the self centeredness and weakness of today's youth. She's not alone. There's academic works based on this topic. Today's young people are different from previous generations...

amother

↑ Papaya ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:32 pm

BaltoMom65 wrote:

Yes I think this is the point.

Older generations always complain about youth. This is something else.

Today there is a complete breakdown of family. Kids cut off parents and grandparents even if it can be worked out. They expect to be catered to and supported for many years. They have very high material needs and if its not met they either wont visit because its "hard" or they resent it. They are often very offended by every little thing parents or inlaws say and are often deciding they are being mistreated.

Obviously this is a mass generalization and many young people are wonderful but it is more prevalent these days.

Its actually spoken about in the gemara. In the days of moshiach the generation will have chutzpah and the youth will rise up against their parents and elders and families will break.

If you want to argue that I have a bad attitude and am too old to be around kids you can but im doing great with my kids and im just stating what I see around me. It is what it is. Doesnt mean im giving up. It just means I need to adapt to where the kids today are holding and meet them where they are.

amother

↑ Denim ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:36 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

Im 35. I am the oldest and have gen alpha children and gen z siblings. Im a millennial and my parents are gen x.

I know exactly what the OP is talking about as I see it directly with my kids and siblings. Those getting offended are probably the newlyweds who still think the world revolves around them.

I think life is the best lesson. People grow up with life experience and struggles. The thing that can give a child their best shot is teaching resiliance and modeling boundaries and kindness.

Life really is the best lesson.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:42 pm

I totally agree OP. I’m a teacher in the yeshiva system for over 15 years and I have the seen the change- in the kids sure but also in the assistants. Just the other day I asked an assistant to please get something for the class and she answered me that she’d rather not right now, because she doesn’t think the class really needs it.
I was floored. And to be honest, kind of jealous that this 20 year old girl has the ability to just speak to me, her superior and elder, in such a casual, dismissive manner and just not do what I asked of her because she didn’t feel it was necessary.
And other teachers say they have encountered the same attitude.

amother

Daisy

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:51 pm

I’m so surprised how a large amount of my friends kids have trouble holding down jobs. They start jobs and drop it because it’s not working for them, take 6 week breaks inbetween to figure stuff out. Many only want to work 9-3 or 10-4. These girls are single, they should be working the max amount of hours!

listenhere

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:58 pm

I have a theory. Perhaps this generation of parents is the one struggling. We are the ones that grew up without emotional awareness and swore to ourselves that we will do better.

Because of the effort we put into changing our methods, instead of expecting our kids to exhibit all these normal behaviours (that most of us also did ourselves), we are surprised with all the tests and bend ourselves backwards to ‘fix’ it thinking we just didn’t do it well enough.

This causes the teens to test limits differently.

I think it ultimately backfires, but they learn their lessons and the next generation will be making different mistakes.

amother

↑ Vermilion ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 7:01 pm

amother Denim wrote:

I agree. I guess it’s the part how we’ve never had teens this self-centered bla bla that gets me nervous.
Comes across so self-righteous.

amother

↑ Vermilion ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 7:04 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

I agree. I guess it’s the part how we’ve never had teens this self-centered bla bla that gets me nervous.
Comes across so self-righteous.

Adding to my post that I think it’s the lack of curiosity and compassion that bugs me.
So let’s brainstorm, why are so many posters finding this in the current generation? What could be happening around them and in them that leads them to come across as so self-centered?

amother

Ultramarine ↓

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 7:04 pm

amother Daisy wrote:

Yup they are extremely demanding and want crazy salaries too