When should married kids arrive this year?

amother

Watermelon

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:26 am

amother OP wrote:

They said they want to come before Shabbos so they can help me Sunday and Monday, but it’s a lot more work to have them for Shabbos, and their help isn’t as helpful as they think! But I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I feel better from reading everyone’s responses though! I’ll find a nice way to tell them we don’t want them for Shabbos Hagadol.

Please be honest with your kids & don't worry about hurting their feelings.
It's the only way for yom tov to go smoothly.

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:34 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

Please be honest with your kids & don't worry about hurting their feelings.
It's the only way for yom tov to go smoothly.

Very true I have a daughter without kids yet coming I told her she can come before Shabbos if she will help with ABC otherwise Monday is better she actually doesn’t have an issue she gotta just make sure her husband won’t be bored lol young couple issues

lamplighter

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:40 am

If your parents are hosting you all pesach you should aks THEM when they want you to come.
For some people have guests arrive here Yom tov is too hectic for them.

Then again I'm one of those weird ones who believe that we push ourselves a bit for the sake of our parents and that it's our responsibility to care for our parents not the other way around.

tichellady

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:44 am

Everyone is different and just be honest about what works for you. We are coming on Monday because that’s what makes the most sense for our family

amother

Lightcyan

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:47 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

If one does not work for a jewish company how are they getting off or taking off more than monday?
Even in Israel, no companies are giving off before then, erev chag.
So that was my point. Not when the kids get off.

I’m not in Israel but in the US sometimes it’s actually easier if you work for a non-Jewish company. If you’re the only one asking for a week and a half off that time of year it’s easier to accommodate. When I worked for frum companies where everyone wanted off they were much stricter. It’s gotten much easier now that working from home has become so much more common. When I started working years ago it wasn’t a thing and it was much harder to deal with because staying home meant using PTO. Now dh and I have desk jobs and while we do go in to the office generally, we have the option to work from anywhere. I know a lot of people in similar positions.

bsy

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 11:30 am

We are going (flying) Sunday because I don't want to be a burden over Shabbos. I have a few little kids and I know that can be hard. Even if I can also peel some potatoes. It's more helpful to come closer to yom tov.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 11:35 am

I have a similar situation but with an older relative. I prefer she comes on Sunday , but her children want her to come on Thursday. I don’t think it makes sense for her to come those extra days ,it will be so hectic for her and for everyone here , I wish her children would have been kind enough to ask me , the host , before making her travel plans.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 11:39 am

amother Lightcyan wrote:

Why do you need a week and a half off? Also, most people I know take off yom tov but not all of chol hamoed. Some dont take off any.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 11:48 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why do you need a week and a half off? Also, most people I know take off yom tov but not all of chol hamoed. Some dont take off any.

Teachers need to prepare for Yom Tov so students get off early officially to “help”.
That’s how it is here.

amother

Lightcyan

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 12:11 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why do you need a week and a half off? Also, most people I know take off yom tov but not all of chol hamoed. Some dont take off any.

To watch your kids who are off that long, to turn over and cook for your guests (remember we have 2 more days of yontif meals and many people have a lot of restrictions on what they eat) or to travel out of town to visit family. I wouldn’t use the word need it’s more of a want but many people I know are able to take off. There’s also a strong minhag or hashkafa not sure what word to use of not working chol hamoed. People will save up days off all year because this is a priority for them.

Elfrida

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 12:32 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why do you need a week and a half off? Also, most people I know take off yom tov but not all of chol hamoed. Some dont take off any.

In Israel a lot of companies only work half day over Chol haMoed. I normally work part of Chol haMoed, but this year there are only two working days (that aren't erev Shabbos or erev Yom Tov), so I'm probably taking off right through. In chutz l'aretz, they only have one full day of Chol haMoed, so there's some logic to taking the full week off.

Even a week and a half. If they're not working on Sunday anyway, then taking Monday off for erev Yom Tov, Tuesday and Wednesday are Yom Tov, Thursday is Chol haMoed, and then it's erev Shabbos, Shabbos, erev Yom Tov, and Yom Yov for two days, going up to Tuesday of the next week. The way the days fall out this year, a week and a half goes very quickly.

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:44 pm

We have a 17 hour drive that we're splitting over 2 days.
So we have to come before Shabbos, but I do feel bad about it and frankly it will be stressful for me to monitor my kids and whatever chometz is being served all Shabbos.
Anyone flying or with a one day car trip should come Sunday, or if they're really close by, Monday.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:46 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

Teachers need to prepare for Yom Tov so students get off early officially to “help”.
That’s how it is here.

Teachers aren't the only ones who make yom tov and most other working moms manage to do it without having a week off before pesach.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:48 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Teachers aren't the only ones who make yom tov and most other working moms manage to do it without having a week off before pesach.

Oh well…
There are some benefits to being a teacher then.

amother

Sand

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 4:21 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why do you need a week and a half off? Also, most people I know take off yom tov but not all of chol hamoed. Some dont take off any.

And many people are told that they can't work on Chol Hamoed unless they are at risk of losing their job.

At my old job the there were two CEOs of the company. One was chiloni and one was chareidi.
The chiloni one texted me on chol hamoed that I had to come and take care of one item. I needed something from the chareidi CEO in order to complete the task so I called him and he told me that he would call his Rav to see if HE was allowed to work and get the information that I needed. Then he told me I didn't need to do the job on CH.

ETA: My company was split in half on chol hamoed. All chareidim and Dati Leumi took off for Chol Hamoed and all Chiloni stayed for chol hamoed.

ShishKabob

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 9:51 am

amother DarkCyan wrote:

Wishing you an easy and pleasant trip.
Please don't give your kids chometz over shabbos. Please buy or make kosher lpesach treats that they can eat without worrying about the crumbs. Hatzlocha for a stress free yom tov

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 10:14 am

amother Lightcyan wrote:

It actually isn't a Minhag, it's straight up Halacha
It can be looked up in Shulchan Aruch and in Kitzur

amother

Orchid

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 10:25 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

It actually isn't a Minhag, it's straight up Halacha
It can be looked up in Shulchan Aruch and in Kitzur

I learned that the only way a person can work on chol hamoed is if they might lose their job if they take off

But really, this should be a spin off. Let’s focus on families getting together in the most calm way.