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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:01 am
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I’d prefer they stay home for Shabbos Hagadol and drive to us (oot) on Sunday. Is that mean?
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amother
Brunette
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:04 am
Not at all.
I am not making Seders (but will be home rest of pesach.
I am having guests for Shabbos and will turn over my kitchen on Sunday because I don’t need to cook for first days.
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realtalk
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:04 am
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No, they have Sunday and Monday. Makes sense to come after shabbos.
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amother
Phlox
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:05 am
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Makes complete sense. Why should they come so much in advance?
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Elfrida
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:09 am
Or if they're not making Pesach, maybe you could go to them for Shabbat haGadol.
I know a number of families where this does happen.
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amother
Tiffanyblue
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:10 am
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Except when your kids fly in from Israel. Then they come days in advance, it’s beautiful spending time with them , but also difficult that hectic week and the kids and grandkids are exhausted and jet lagged and need good hot Chometz while you’re trying to make Pesach …..I haven’t figured out how to do this well.
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amother
Cantaloupe
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:12 am
Of course they should come Sunday or Monday
My parents are making the entire pesach, why would I have them host me shabbos before as well!?
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amother
Coral
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:13 am
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Unless it’s a child that will help! They should stay home till sunday
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amother
Butterscotch
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:14 am
| Elfrida wrote: | Or if they're not making Pesach, maybe you could go to them for Shabbat haGadol.
I know a number of families where this does happen. |
Yes! We used to do this when we were splitting Pesach between my parents and in laws and not making Pesach at home. Whichever set of parents we were going to for the first days were invited to us for Shabbos haGadol to make things easier for them. I also used to invite all my our younger siblings for dinner on bedikas chometz night to give out parents a break before YT.
OP, it's perfectly reasonable not to want anyone to come before Sunday!
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:15 am
Why would they come before erev chag, monday afternoon?
I mean, doesnt everyone (else) have work? I know my family that will be spending chag at my parents are not coming before monday early afternoon. Not even a thought to et there before.
Unless they all intend to help out with whatever is needed to be done.
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amother
Wheat
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:18 am
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Unless you specifically want them or they are coming from overseas, yt guests should come after shabbos hagadol.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:21 am
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They said they want to come before Shabbos so they can help me Sunday and Monday, but it’s a lot more work to have them for Shabbos, and their help isn’t as helpful as they think! But I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I feel better from reading everyone’s responses though! I’ll find a nice way to tell them we don’t want them for Shabbos Hagadol.
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amother
Ginger
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:22 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | Why would they come before erev chag, monday afternoon?
I mean, doesnt everyone (else) have work? I know my family that will be spending chag at my parents are not coming before monday early afternoon. Not even a thought to et there before.
Unless they all intend to help out with whatever is needed to be done. |
Where I am, oot, girls have off at least a week before Pesach. Boys in yeshiva have off from Rosh Chodesh. Little boys have off from Tuesday. Non high school girls are also off Tuesday. Elementary boys are off from Wednesday. Many people are off for a long time.
When I wasn’t home for Pesach I would host the parents and family for Shabbos hagadol. Sometimes we have meals in shul and do that.
Of course people go to help. It’s the mesnchlich thing to do. Especially if you’re taking off all of chol hamoed and Monday, go help and leave Sunday. Or have the people who can help fly Motzai Shabbos or Sunday and have someone drive the younger kids who won’t be a help and plan to arrive later in the day Monday.
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amother
Orchid
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:26 am
Having people for shabbos hagadol is HARD.
Op, tell them that you thought about it and you would appreciate a quiet shabbos where you don’t have to worry about extra people eating chometz. Tell them to come after shabbos. Coming for shabbos is no help to you.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:26 am
| amother Ginger wrote: | Where I am, oot, girls have off at least a week before Pesach. Boys in yeshiva have off from Rosh Chodesh. Little boys have off from Tuesday. Non high school girls are also off Tuesday. Elementary boys are off from Wednesday. Many people are off for a long time.
When I wasn’t home for Pesach I would host the parents and family for Shabbos hagadol. Sometimes we have meals in shul and do that.
Of course people go to help. It’s the mesnchlich thing to do. Especially if you’re taking off all of chol hamoed and Monday, go help and leave Sunday. Or have the people who can help fly Motzai Shabbos or Sunday and have someone drive the younger kids who won’t be a help and plan to arrive later in the day Monday. | If one does not work for a jewish company how are they getting off or taking off more than monday?
Even in Israel, no companies are giving off before then, erev chag.
So that was my point. Not when the kids get off.
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amother
Whitesmoke
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:34 am
I understand why they would want to come before Shabbos, depending how far OOT you are. My inlaws are a 9 hr drive from us, and we can only drive at night because we have toddlers who can't handle it otherwise. It's too late at night to start traveling on Motzaei Shabbos, so we'll have to drive Sunday night and both parents will be exhausted on erev YT and by the seder (I doubt I'll have a chance to sleep more than a few hours before the seder)
But at the same time, it would be a lot for my mil to host us for so long, especially with the pre Pesach rush. So we'll be driving on Sunday night. I think it's a reasonable request of your kids.
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ShishKabob
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:38 am
| realtalk wrote: | | No, they have Sunday and Monday. Makes sense to come after shabbos. | This
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imasinger
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:41 am
A single vote the other way. My kids can't come to us OOT any more (SIL job is too pressured for taking off YT AND taking off the days to travel).
But I preferred to have them here for longer, and generally like to turn over early to avoid last minute pressure.
There's an added bonus of getting a few days for little ones to get on a schedule in a different place before all the craziness of YT.
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amother
Denim
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:51 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | If one does not work for a jewish company how are they getting off or taking off more than monday?
Even in Israel, no companies are giving off before then, erev chag.
So that was my point. Not when the kids get off. |
Outside of Israel, people are generally off on Sunday. And if it's not a flight or super long drive away, going for shabbos wouldn't necessitate taking off on Friday, so nobody would be missing any work.
That said, I do think it's taking advantage. Even if you're helping, staying those extra days is going to be an imposition in some way. Just come on erev Pesach, or at most, Sunday night.
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amother
Firebrick
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Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:20 am
Oh no! I hope my mil was being honest with me now that I’m reading all these responses…
My husband and I teach so we’re both off about a week before pesach.
We ask my mil when would be better for us to fly in, Thursday or Sunday she told us either was fine and that she’s love if we’d come earlier and can spend more time together, so we booked flights for Thursday morning.
Now I’m just hoping that we didn’t put a bunch more stress on her…
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