Tuition vent | Imamother

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 10:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

I work full time and am in a position where I can easily get another job that will pay $20k-$30k more. However, all the extra money I make will go straight to tuition. I currently receive a tuition break, but if I did make an additional $30,000 it would go straight to the schools.

I'm frustrated because unless I make $100,000 more, which isn't an option in my career industry, there is no way to get ahead.

I live a very simple life, small house, never ever go to restaurants or on vacations, no cleaning help. I make enough to pay bills and put bigger repairs on credit cards that I pay off.

It's frustrating that I can't get a break from being above that since I wouldn't get to keep any extra money I made between tuition and taxes.

I know there's no solution, it's just a vent.

I guess one day when my kids grow up and tuition is done I can make more but that's a long way off

Increasing your salary so you can pay tuition is a huge mitzvah. May Hashem show you much nachas and bracha.

Purposely under-earning to avoid paying your share of the school-expenses where your children are direct beneficiaries - confuses me,
You dont want to help support your childrens school?? You dont consider it a kavod to pay more tuition? Wouldnt your own children benefit?

amother

Purple

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 10:21 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

op isn't alone in her attitude. Someone told my husband that his son doesn't chose to take a certain side gig because the money will go to tuition and it takes away time from his kids.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 10:28 pm

amother Purple wrote:

op isn't alone in her attitude. Someone told my husband that his son doesn't chose to take a certain side gig because the money will go to tuition and it takes away time from his kids.

In your situation the husband doesnt want to take time away from his kids.
OP doesnt have that cheshbon.
Besides, just because OP isnt alone, doesnt make it right.

amother

Purple

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 10:42 pm

I understand and in real life I push to pay but I also know that my dh has no drive to pay it since others dont so why should he bother. it's actually a source of tension in our marriage. it might be the yetzer hara but I do think that there isn't as big of a pride in paying full tuition these days.

I think plenty of people who get breaks might say that they would ideally love to pay full but maybe I'm cynical, I don't feel like too many people are motivated to actually pay all that money to tuition. no, they don't feel like it's a kavod to answer your question. like it's easy to say in theory, much harder to do in practice.

again IRL I pay more then most in my kids school. in all honestly I feel a combination of a sense of responsibility and resentment. I would like to think that in op's situation the school woudn't actually take all the increase in salary but a portion.

amother

Aquamarine

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 10:43 pm

What If you work backwards? You say the job is more stressed. What could offset that stress? Let's say it would be 3 hours of cleaning help a week and pizza once a week. That would run about $5,000 a year.

Can you be honest with the committee? Say, I want to pay more tuition. I'm taking this position so I can pay an extra 10K a year. I will need to keep an extra 5K a year to pay for what I need to compensate for the extra responsibilities of the job. The rest is going to taxes.

Presenting it as a win-win for you, the school (and uncle sam...)

Do you think they would work with you on that?

(If you're on Marketplace insurance, remember to take your subsidies into account too.)

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 12:03 am

My kids school has 3 tiers of tuition. There’s regular tuition, there’s the kollel discount, and there’s full price tuition (regular tuition is subsidized with the fundraisers the school runs throughout the year).

Imo this is the best way to do it. Those who can, pay full tuition. Those who can’t, still help with fundraising to make up the difference. No one needs to worry about not taking on a better job because tuition will just take whatever extra they earn.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 12:44 am

Both DH and I have worked very very hard over the years so we can pay full tuition for all of our kids kh. Sometimes I wonder if we are the suckers when I see others who I know don’t pay full (some even brag about it!) spending on things I don’t. But DH reminds me we are doing the right thing and we just have toi answer to Hshem and ourselves I don’t have to answer why I’m “stupid and a sucker “ to anyone else. Although I am paying more than it costs to educate my children because I am paying for those who can’t or won’t pay. After 120 years at least this is one thing I know I can say I did right and overcame the nisayon. So for all those paying full tuition at every level from kindergarten to Bais medrash… kol hakavod!