Leaving Job Security for Israel

notshanarishona

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 6:27 am

amother Cherry wrote:

What if the teens don't want to go? This is our issue. One suffers from anxiety and is on medication and sees a therapist. This child is doing very well BH.
My tween and younger I am not not concerned. My oldest says as soon as they turn 18 they are going back. We feel stuck.

I would take your teens concerns very seriously and likely wait till they can live independently to make the move.
It is the hardest adjustment for high school and the kids need to be on board.

savta3

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 6:43 am

amother Cherry wrote:

I would not take teens who don't want to go.
Making aliyah requires efforts and adjustment. They need to go to school in a different language, make new friends, etc. If they have decided from the outset that they don't want to do it, they will certainly not be willing to make the effort and set the whole thing up for failure.

If teens are interested and willing and - (perhaps, but definitely not necessarily) this might depend on how it is presented to them (a fun opportunity vs. a difficult burden/ we can decide things together and will be supporting your vs. you will go to school X and that's what we've decided) and how involved they are in the decisions to be made - then I definitely think it's doable if you do your homework.

amother

Tealblue

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 3:48 pm

My husband is also an attorney, our hearts are in EY. We did a lot of research and it's not off the table, but so far we were ultimately advised not to go. A big part of it is financial security. There are so many adjustments involved - can you imagine having financial stress on top of it? Possibly not being able to afford a cleaning lady or car? Maybe not having enough space or living in a very old apartment?

In our situation, BH my husband learns a lot and has that built into his day. The job he was offered to work remotely for an American firm, would require a lot more hours. So he would end up learning less, another reason that for us it was not the right decision (yet).

amother

Cherry

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:05 pm

Thanks for the input!
If we stay here, we have good jobs, etc...
It's more one younger teen, the one who struggles with anxiety, that has no interest. We were talking about next summer. So who knows what changes between now and then?
We thought moving would be great for our kids and our family.
What is so frustrating is we wanted to move as newlyweds but, were saddled down by various financial issues. We are finally in the clear with that, but you ladies are right.
My fear is that once the kids start getting married and having children, we would never be able to leave them.

sara_s

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

My question is two fold. Despite planning to make aliyah in 18 months, I guess he has to tell them now? In addition, should we leave this all behind? Is Hashem testing us?

I read the whole thread. Since you aren't planning to make aliyah right now, definitely do not tell the firm! Let your husband take the partnership if offered. Life happens, no need to ruin a chance based on an if. It's a business relationship not a marriage, there is always an understanding things can change in either direction.

Reality

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 8:21 am

amother Cherry wrote:

If your kids are saying that, then it's not the time, I'm sorry.

I know you said in a later post that you feel once your kids are married you are permanently stuck, but that's really not true. So many empty-nesters make aliyah. You may also have kids that end up living in Israel, so many people do.

I know it's hard to put a dream on hold, but your teenage kids come first. When your kids are married/independent there is nothing wrong with following your dream.

essie14

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 8:39 am

Reality wrote:

I agree.
OP, if you tell your kids that your plan is to make aliyah when they're all over 18, some may make aliyah on their own before you.
I know many empty nesters in this type of situation. Some have no kids here but some have 1 or 2 who preceeded them.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 9:49 am

We wanted to and our kids were thrilled with the idea. Until we got stuck here sukkos time when the war broke out. They changed their minds and became ambivalent about it all. We realized they had only seen the shiny side of Israel up until that point, but the realities of living in Israel are totally not something they are up to dealing with.
And we’re happy we saw that now, and not after we made Aliya. (We had no actual plans, but were serious about RBS) we will still spend as much vacation time there as possible and hopefully move when the kids grow up. But for now we feel like we belong here for the sake of their spiritual and mental health.

amother85

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 10:46 pm

I feel this so much. We had so many times in the 10+ years we’ve been married when we struggled here (job/financial stability, a home that fit us well, a community we were well integrated into, etc) and had a mindset of, “maybe it’s so hard here because we’re not meant to be here”, but we never took the leap because there were always obstacles (mostly finances).
Then over the past couple of years BH ww were able to buy a home we love in a community we love, we’ve made good progress in our careers (I BH have a generous pension plan that is a total game changer because we never would have been able to save for retirement while paying tuition) and we’re finally almost at a point of being stable… not comfortable even, but getting by. And our kids aren’t getting any younger and are thriving in school and socially. My job is not transferable and I know we’d be taking a hit financially if we made Aliyah. I don’t know if it’s fair to our kids to add stress from financial instability (plus language/culture shock, leaving their friends, etc) or how much of a strain it would put on our marriage. It’s so hard to know what to do.

amother

DarkViolet

Wed, Dec 20 2023, 12:22 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

You sound like a thinking , caring eved Hashem. You sound like a wise good mother who realizes her primary responsibility is to raise her children according to wjat they need to be the best ovdei Hashem they can be. I would suggest writing down your concerns about your children ans aliya and then speaking with a Rav who knows you well and can listen to you and counsel you on this major life decision. Wishing you great hatzlacha and clarity.

I actually just went and spoke to a rov. He wasnt a fan of just picking up and going. He said its a good thing to aspire to but it has to make sense and we need to do research and go with a real plan. He also didnt seem too concerned about the world ending or another holocaust happening. I wish I had his level of calm.