On Hugs. | Imamother

Java

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 3:51 pm

amother Opal wrote:

Why is a hug rude? It means we disagree. Someone says that Miami cold in July will get a hug because we disagree. Nothing personal.

You don't hear what's passive aggressive about that?

NechaMom

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 5:38 pm

amother Opal wrote:

Why is a hug rude? It means we disagree. Someone says that Miami cold in July will get a hug because we disagree. Nothing personal.

If she feels it’s cold in Miami then it is personal.
Rather quote her and have a conversation. Tell her as far as you’re aware it’s really a scorcher in July in Miami. Give her a chance to explain. Maybe she meant Miami, Siberia. I really don’t see the need for a hug in place of a conversation! If you’re short on time make a bookmark and follow up later.

Goody2shoes

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 5:43 pm

amother Opal wrote:

Why is a hug rude? It means we disagree. Someone says that Miami cold in July will get a hug because we disagree. Nothing personal.

The hug's definition has become-your thoughts are so twisted that it's not even worth my time arguing with you.
So yes, it's pretty personal.

amother

NeonOrange

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 6:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

You know the kind I'm referring to.

We are before Rosh Hashana, and it is timely that we speak of the shameless hugging of posts.

Someone responds genuinely, taking time to share with others often sensitive information, and the first response they"ll get is a hug.

How hurtful, dismissive, and rude.

Remember behind every post there is a person, with volnurable feelings (aint we all got'em?)

Life is not easy ... let us be mindful.

K'sivah V'Chasima Tova

So confession; I’m fairly new here and was wondering why I was seeing complaints about people getting their comments hugged. I’ve hugged comments to show “I love this” or to show sympathy for a situation. I was just figuring that getting hugged doesn’t seem to mean what I think it means. I realize it’s negative but I’m not sure of the context usually

amother

NeonOrange

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 6:05 pm

amother Snow wrote:

I think we need a thumbs down or disagree button.

I agree! Save the hugs for something genuine and add a dislike button when you disagree with the poster

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 7:54 pm

Thanks all!

Your responses have been insightful.
Hugs could be simply genuine, or to understandably show sympathy.
It's the bullying type, which should be eliminated.

As suggested by posters, there are respectful ways to disagree.
I am not in favor of a dislike button either. (I believe YouTube recalled theirs.)

If it were apparent which users clicked a certain emoji- button (like on social media) that could preclude the system from being abused.

Bein Adam Lachaveiro still applies in the digital world.

Hugs, everyone Tongue Out

NechaMom

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:35 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

I didn’t know hugs where offensive. I love hugs.

Somebody what is the hug rule on this site.

Being that there’s no thumbs down button people use the hug button for two reasons. Either love or dislike. It’s upto the poster to figure out what it means.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:28 am

Java wrote:

You don't hear what's passive aggressive about that?

It became passive aggressive because the button is meant to be a genuine hug. But if there was a disagree button, and that person would be getting the same amount of disagree buttons as she got hugs, no one would call it passive aggressive, but just that, disagree. That is why I feel strongly that a disagree button needs to be added. It's just causing more harm that it's not there.

I hug when I disagree. It's not passive aggressive at all! It's my disagree. I'm frustrated that there is no disagree button (and my disagree is usually toward someone who hasn't been nice to a poster, and I don't like to call out people so I wouldn't respond.)

ETA: And I was hugged LOL

Someone is disagreeing with me and that's okay. I get it.
I'm just finding it ironic that someone would hug my post in this thread!

amother

Blueberry

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:28 am

NechaMom wrote:

Being that there’s no thumbs down button people use the hug button for two reasons. Either love or dislike. It’s upto the poster to figure out what it means.

Right, viewing a hug as something negative is a choice. Plenty of people use hugs as an “I love this” button or “I care about you” button. Maybe a better thing to work on before RH is each person’s perception of hugs. I don’t think the intent matters as much as the receiver’s interpretation. When you see hugs and view them as a positive it robs them of power.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:56 am

NechaMom wrote:

Being that there’s no thumbs down button people use the hug button for two reasons. Either love or dislike. It’s upto the poster to figure out what it means.

This is so second grade.
If I scrunch my nose it can mean allergies… but I can also mean I think your weird.
Btw- I only get allergies from pesach until shevuos. But even then it could be not allergies…

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 12:02 pm

amother Aconite wrote:

Someone is disagreeing with me and that's okay. I get it.
I'm just finding it ironic that someone would hug my post in this thread!

I gave you a hug because I feel for your frustration. If I needed a way to press disagree without responding and there was no way then I would be frustrated too.
Personally unless I have the patience and time to respond I don’t think it’s necessary to press “unlike”.

amother

Candycane

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 12:11 pm

On one of the threads I started, a couple people hugged me passive aggressively, and I made a point of saying that I would be interpreting all hugs as empathetic support for what I was writing about. (Un)surprisingly, after I said that, I got no more hugs on that initial post. Tongue Out

chanatron1000

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 12:47 pm

Why does there need to be any way to silently mark someone else's post with your disagreement? They put in the time and effort to write out their thoughts, so you should do the same.