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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:32 am
I've had a really hard few years and as long as I am just getting on with my daily routine, I am coping just fine. But now that Rosh Hashana is coming, I feel extremely depressed and the idea of going to shul or hosting or being invited feels like it will be traumatic. I am crying most of the day just thinking about it.
I don't know why particularly this time of year is so hard on me - the difficult things that happened to me were at others times of the year - maybe just because I know last year was when this year was decided, and I don't want to cry out to Hashem anymore only for Him to say no again? I feel broken and cynical and guilty for how I feel.
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amother
IndianRed
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Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:54 am
Can you make it easiest for yourself?
Don't host etc
Find a different shul if that will be more comfortable
(I like to go where I'm anonymous)
We don't know why things happen..
I feel for you and hope you see sweeteness even before RH!
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amother
Peony
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Thu, Aug 31 2023, 3:17 am
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Don't host if it's going to be a burden and take away from your Simchas YT. They are days of awe but they're also festivals in which you're supposed to rejoice
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amother
Hotpink
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Thu, Aug 31 2023, 5:55 am
There are many reasons for this period being difficult. Personally my reasons are:
Being overwhelmed by the demands of cooking and general preparations for YT.
Kids are barely back in school and I just start to feel like I'm getting my life back, when boom- vacation time again, starting from scratch to acclimatize the little one to day care afterwards.
Dh is the the shul a lot, I'm home alone with all the kids bouncing off the walls. Even worse when fasting. I'm a terrible faster.
It's a heavy time. Lots of chesbon nefesh, which inevitably means thinking about all the aveiros we've done.
A girl I was responsible for mentoring committed suicide after the chagim two years ago and I still blame myself and wonder if I'd only been more involved and aware, if things could have been different... if she could have been written in the book of life...
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