Spinoff- Satmar responses please to Deborah Feldman

Gold Member Joined: Jun 24 2010 Posts: 1311

Satmar woman,

What are your feelings on this article? Is there really such an all or nothing attitude in Satmar? If a satmar girl wanted to drop many of the chumrahs would her family put her in cherem? Would her community? Obviously everyone's response may be a little different, but I am asking nonetheless. I just find it so sad that she felt she had to 'drop everything to gain everything' (as she says in video on her site). Is there such an attitude?

They might be more inclined to answer on a non public,non googlable, anon enabled board.
_________________
Do you live for the future the present the past?
If there is one thing I know, I know I will die
If anyone cares, some stranger may critique my life
I may be revered or defamed and decried
But I tried to live right

Executive Member Joined: Feb 23 2011 Posts: 416

And what about other communities - for example Yeshivish Litvish. If one of their kids feels stifled and wants to change his minhagim, code of dress, level of kashrus or whatever, would he feel accepted.

And at a different end of the spectrum, if someone from a verh left wing, MO family becomes ultra frummy or chassidish, how accepted will he feel in his former community?

This, IMO, was a very leading question. What kind of answer were you expecting?

Last edited by Maya on Tue, Feb 07 2012, 4:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

Are you talking about the latest NYPost article?

I'm someone who grew up with her, in her community and spent some time with her teaching together in the same school after graduation. I can say with certainty - and most of the Satmar graduates on this site will back me up on this - that much of what she writes in the book is very exaggerated at the best, and outright lies at the worst. I'm very surprised that a publishing house of that stature would not look into the veracity of a memoir. Anyone with a tiny brain can tell you that a big part of the book is simply untrue and there only for the shock value.

She had to drop everything to gain everything? What did she gain? Obviously not a life. If she would have a life that would be as free and happy as she claims to be, she'd just move on instead of constantly showing up all over to bash the community.

I will say this much: I admire women who find their own way in life no matter how difficult it is for them, even if it means leaving Yiddishkeit. But I am simply disgusted by her need to keep on viciously attacking and spreading lies about the community who raised her in what they felt was the best way they could.

Silver Member Joined: Jun 08 2010 Posts: 528

I'm not Satmar- but I can tell you on a positive note- I have seen kids who needed to find "their own way" with Yiddishkeit, their parents worked with them and helped them find what works for that kid without labeling him. I'm referring to kids from very Yeshivish homes- it's not always all or nothing. So the kid wears jeans, no black hat, listens to non Jewish music (not in front of his siblings) but because his parents were supportive he still davens 3 times a day, totally shomer shabbos and kashrus 100%. And the community accepts these kids too.
Just wanted to throw that out there, for those that think Judaism is all or nothing. It doesn't have to be.

Whoops, that's not what I wanted to write. I started with one thought and ended with another. I will edit my post now.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7241

Difficult to read a book that hasn't been released yet. How'd you do it Maya?

Look, if people want to believe that a 17-year old girl is considered "old for marriage" when the fact is that almost no one gets engaged before 18 and most at 19, go right ahead. If you want to believe that there is a curfew in Williamsburg and it's not just in her own head, go right ahead. I'm out of there by now and this is probably not affect me in the way it might affect Williamsburg women.

But it's so sad that women on here will grasp at ANYTHING just to "prove" that the Chassidish lifestyle is crazy.

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

I haven't yet read the book, seeing as how long the "holds" list is at the library, but from the jacket blurbs I was prepared to be sympathetic and admiring of an oppressed, discriminated-against woman who started out with nothing but the courage to leave her community and make a life for herself. An inspiration, indeed.

However, her TV interviews and website have changed all that. She comes off as a rather malicious tazatzke, only too thrilled to make fun of her former family and community, who left to indulge her wild and undisciplined fantasies. Not to escape predetermined social roles, not to pursue the Torah study that was denied to her, but to be able to smoke and drink and throw off the yoke of Malchus Shamayim.

I'd have a lot more respect for her if she had just become a regular person and didn't take such obvious delight in bedavka eating shrimp and pork and dressing like a slut.

Gold Member Joined: Oct 09 2011 Posts: 1068

first and foremost, lets remember that she wasn't a typical satmar girl. she was a confused kid living with her grandmother. she went to another school where she acted up (obviously in result of her confused life) and was dropped out as a very young girl (5th grade) she was then admitted to satmar ONLY because the principal is her aunt.

I'm not judging her, as she had a very confused life. a non frum mother (who kept on visiting her and having a bad influence on her) and a mental ill father. growing up with a grandmother (who is not as young and energetic to raise a teenager) must have been very hard for her.

she probably saw her mother with rose colored glasses and was mad at everyone for taking her away from her mom (there might have been a legal battle when her mother became OTD).

Most girls who are not happy don't go OTD. I think it's just her terrible confusion that led her to where she is now.

ps. most of what she claims are either lies or exaggerated. but, for someone carrying a large amount of bitterness due to a hard and embarrassing upbringing it makes sense for her wanting to bash satmar to take revenge for what she went through, thinking it will ease her bitter feelings.

Having read the book, I'll say that the interviews and articles shes done are WAY more inflammatory than the book itself. Seeing the interviews etc before reading the book made me surprised at how tame the book really was.

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I want to say something, but not about Feldman -- about Maya. She has a great amount of respect for people who march to their own drummer and push up against limitations imposed by any sect or community. So she has a Satmar voice but isn't THE Satmar voice. Meaning, if she has a problem with Feldman or what she's read that Feldman says, you don't have to agree with her, but you should know where she's coming from. And where she's coming from is the voice of one of the most independent Satmar women I've "met" on this site.