Need some BTDT advice ASAP

Twizzlers ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:04 pm

I am in the process of training my 2.9 year old ds.

My son is the type that has a very difficult time transitioning, and therefore I, and other people that know him felt that the only way he's going to do it is if I push him to. This kid will not wake up one day and say he wants to make in the toilet; he needs a push in the right direction, so please dont suggest waiting for him to ask. Of course if at some point I determine he really cant do it, we will take a break, but I'm having trouble determining that point.
That being said, at what point do I decide that he really isnt ready? Right now, I feel like I'm training myself to catch the look on his face. He has not yet once said "mommy, I have to make", and today is day 3.
When I see it coming, I put him on the potty, and he needs to be reassured that its ok to let it out. Afterwards, we cheer and sing and get a treat and he seems so relieved.

There's also the issue, that he still takes naps. Which means, he wakes up at 9am, at 1 I tell him to make in the potty so he can take a rest, and he'll sit there for an hour, but not go. I sometimes feel like he's holding it cuz he knows when its naptime he'll get a diaper. Is dropping the nap the only way to go about it?

Although this is my first, I feel confident and competent in most parenting areas, but this is really throwing me out of the loop. I'm at a complete loss.

Somebody help!!

ra_mom ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:07 pm

I found that giving my toddler lots to drink (sugary ones so that she would want to keep drinking) helped a lot.
I put the potty somewhere accessible and sat her down, gave her lots of small bottles of drinks with straws (so exciting), and read her books about the potty while she sat. The more she drank, the more she had to pee. This helped her learn very quickly what she was feeling, and what was expected of her. (Her therapist taught this to me.)
Hatzlacha!

↑ Twizzlers ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:13 pm

ra mom, we do that. I bought some drink boxes so he'll want to drink, and usually he is willing. but when you say "sat her down and read books" how long were you actually doing this for? Today he drank 3 boxes, and then sat for over an hour until he finally insisted on getting up (then had an accident within 30 seconds on the floor)
I just dont know what to make of it

↑ Twizzlers ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:14 pm

Tamiri wrote:

Twizzler my BTDT opinion is to quit trying. He's doesn't sound ready. I think it's better to wait and not bring on frustration on his part or yours.

I'm curious which part makes you say that?

because someone told me that the fact that he does dance around a bit when he has to go means he understands that he has to hold it in and not go on the floor. he just is not consistent about it.

and you think 2 days is all it takes to try? others are telling me to give it a full week before I give up

↑ ra_mom ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:17 pm

I sat with her on the floor for about 2 hours the first time. Then it was on and off all day for the next 3 days.
If you're already doing that with the drinks, and he's not responding, then agree with Tamiri's advice.
I tried toilet training dd 3 month before I actually trained her. We were both so frustrated, and I kept yelling at her when she peed on the floor, so after 1 morning like that, I quit and did not mention it again to her for another 3 months.
Hatzlacha!

Hashem_Yaazor ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:21 pm

Someone once gave me a tip:
1 treat if the child goes because you tell him to
2 if he does it out of his own initiative.

Getting that extra chocolate chip or whatever can be a great incentive for them to figure out on their own that the dance means to go ahead....once they have the control, they just need to link the awareness with the desire to use the toilet.

↑ Tamiri

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:33 pm

Twizzlers wrote:

HY< thats an interesting idea.

no one responded to the nap issue yet. Do you think dropping the nap would help us make headway?

Never give up a nap to toilet train. There is absolutely no connection. However, if he's waking up dry from his nap - that's a sign he's ready to train.
I know that ra got advice from a professional but I am aghast at the idea of feeding sugary drinks to a child for such a reason. Is it worth it? To have the child drinking sugar just so they pee? I don't get it. No one goes to their bar mitzva in diapers (normal, of course). What is this pressure?
I say he's not ready because you seem to be working to hard. You say he may be waiting to pee in the diaper. Let him. Hours on the toilet is just too much. In 4 weeks he may be ready to try again.

↑ ra_mom ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 2:34 pm

Twizzlers wrote:

HY< thats an interesting idea.

no one responded to the nap issue yet. Do you think dropping the nap would help us make headway?

At the time we toilet trained, my daughter was napping in playgroup, but not at home. So when I kept her home to train, it was not an issue. And by the time she went to playgroup, she was trained and it was okay for them to put her in a pull up while she napped.
I really think that YOU have to be ready to toilet train.
And that YOU have to be ready to give up his nap.
Both of these things will mean a lot of work on your part, and you have to be prepared to deal with it.
(I think it was ME who wasn't ready to go through the struggles of toilet training the first time around. And when I realized that, I quit.)
I wish I had more advice for you! (((Hugs))) and good luck!

mommalah

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:29 pm

Tamiri wrote:

Twizzlers wrote:

HY< thats an interesting idea.

no one responded to the nap issue yet. Do you think dropping the nap would help us make headway?

I'm also appalled at the idea. At that age my kids have just been introduced to very watered down apple juice. I never give juice boxes! There's got to be another way.

zigi ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:47 pm

part of toilet training is making on the floor. dc have a potty seat and if they needed to go they went or at least tried to go. with dd training took 3 weeks of accidents. now she is trained!

or don't put a diaper on if he will nap. use training pants and plastic sheets. with dd she needed all or nothing, I had to be consistent no diapers meant no diapers during the day. if we left the house she wore training underwear. if she made I changed her. I took her when she had the 'look' she didn't like being wet so she made sure to tell me if she had to go.

it is ok if you are the one who is being trained. with dd in the begining that was the way was she made a look and we took her to the bathroom. she got used to going. when she went to school and was with other kids that finnished the training she saw that other kids also went to the bathroom. now she is trained.she sometimes needs to be told to go to the bathroom. she doesn't want to stop playing.

↑ Twizzlers ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 4:31 pm

oh goodness, please dont jump on my back for giving juice boxes. In general, I dont believe in juice. at all. even watered down, besides a drop for kiddush. my kids drink only water.
however, at a time that I want him to drink ALOT so he gets used to the feeling of needing the toilet, I need some kind of incentive and water just aint gonna do it.

I dont see why its any different than times that we give our kids things they dont usually have. for example, my kids dont usually eat cookies, but on purim I allowed them to have hamantashen. we dont have donuts, but on chanuka, I allowed it. we dont allow juice, but during toilet training, I allow it.
I really dont see the big fuss. a few days of juice never killed anyone

↑ Twizzlers ↓

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 4:50 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I think the posts were directed not at you, but at the idea of " found that giving my toddler lots to drink (sugary ones so that she would want to keep drinking) helped a lot."

but thats just the thing! I would have more of an issue with people that always give their kids sugary drinks rather than the one time it could be justified.

(I dont take it personally, dont worry)

↑ ra_mom

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 7:16 pm

Twizzlers wrote:

I agree with you Twizzlers. Twizzlers, I also don't usually give my dd sugary drinks. The choices are rice dream, almond milk, water, and as a treat - calcium fortified orange juice.
For those of you who never introduced sugary drinks to their children, I wouldn't think that you would take my advice for yourselves.

↑ Hashem_Yaazor ↓

Fri, Jun 26 2009, 10:13 am

Twizzlers wrote:

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I think the posts were directed not at you, but at the idea of " found that giving my toddler lots to drink (sugary ones so that she would want to keep drinking) helped a lot."

but thats just the thing! I would have more of an issue with people that always give their kids sugary drinks rather than the one time it could be justified.

(I dont take it personally, dont worry)

I think the people who didn't agree with this were the ones who don't give on a regular basis either, and they didn't think toilet training is a time to give up on that value. We're not saying this is worse than doing it on a regular basis...
Truthfully, I know your baby has had GI problems/allergies (can't remember), but does your older son drink milk? Even that makes my son use the bathroom so much more.

↑ Twizzlers

Fri, Jun 26 2009, 11:38 am

I dunno, my son only likes drinking water. He refuses milk. I even tried chocolate milk, but no luck. seems like he's catching on to his fathers pickiness Mad

Anyway, I decided to finish off the day yesterday, let him chill for an hour but ditched the nap. He wasnt so cranky. Just like my mil said, as soon as you're ready to give up, he will catch on....although the morning was awful, when dh came home at 6 and took over for a bit, he actually said he had to make, I put him on the potty, and he did! (and got 2 treats for it, lol) LOL

so I think we'll keep at it for now...assuming I dont go insane.

Now my question is, is it crazy to transition away from the potty and into the regular toilet as soon as he gets the hang of it? Or should I wait until he's been doing it for a couple of weeks?