Does anyone else NOT make a chalaka/upsherin?

Marion ↓

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 4:22 am

We have no minhag for this in either of our families, and in fact, have already cut DS's hair several times. (It was getting unmanageable, especially with the pink glitter glue last week...yes we left him some short pe'ot.) I would still like to do something special for his 3rd birthday.

Any ideas? Please keep in mind that I don't know how big an "event" I can make; DH is an avel.

Ima'la

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 4:40 am

I know people who do not have the minhag who still made a big 3 yo b'day party with alef-beis and honey and all (even though his hair had already been cut).

RachelEve14 ↓

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 4:41 am

Quite a few of our friends didn't make one, or did a small birthday party type thing. No one in dh's family has ever done one (it's not their minhag) but dh doesn't want to cut ds's hair and wants to do an upshir. Of course the way my kids hair grows I can only hope there *is* something to cut when he's 3, but that's a whole 'nother story LOL. Why not just have a birthday party (I always did Melava Malkas for the girls since they are winter), have a cake, and give him his tzitit and kippa. I can't believe he's gonna be 3 soon. That means mine are gonna be 5. YIKES.

↑ Marion ↓

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 4:43 am

I'm not sure, at the current rate of diaper wearing, if we'll even be able to give him tzitzit. And he won't put ANYTHING on his head, although he loves stealing everyone else's kippot & hats. Sigh.

shalhevet

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 4:44 am

No one in our families had ever done it either. We were told it is basically minhag EY today for everyone. (Not trying to say anyone who doesn't is doing something wrong, ch"v, just that we were told this.)

HooRYou

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 5:06 am

There are definitely a lot of people who don't have an upsherin minhag, like Yekkies for instance. You can still make him a tzitzis and /or kippah party and let him lick the honey off the aleph bais either in his future school or at home.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 5:16 am

Marion wrote:

I'm not sure, at the current rate of diaper wearing, if we'll even be able to give him tzitzit. And he won't put ANYTHING on his head, although he loves stealing everyone else's kippot & hats. Sigh.

there is no halacha that says that he MUST wear tzitzit and a kippa at age three. I know many will disagree with me, but just take it slowly and make it something enjoyable and when the time is right he will hopefully want to wear them all on his own.

↑ RachelEve14

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 5:23 am

shalhevet wrote:

Yes, that's why dh wants to do it. I don't have a problem with it at all, and my kids don't have much hair (at least 2 of 3 are nearly bald). I think it's a nice custom with some special meaning behind it even if it's not in our particular family.

Tamiri

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 5:28 am

We only did the hair cutting thing at 3 for our last DS, number 5, because no one wanted to cut his hair earlier and it was a good excuse for a party on Chanuka. When we were younger, our father told us it's a Chassidishe minhag but today, it's like halacha already.

mummy-bh

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 5:33 am

Marion wrote:

I'm not sure, at the current rate of diaper wearing, if we'll even be able to give him tzitzit.

There are different opinions on this. I was told by our Rav that we could put tzitzis on a child who was still wearing a diaper. Other families (even within our community) were told not to, it's something you need to ask about.

ChossidMom ↓

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 5:51 am

My sister is married to a yekke and they never did it. I don't think they did anything special either.

Chocoholic

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 8:10 am

I am from a yekkishe country and we don't do it. Boys will have had several haircuts before age 3.

Ruchel

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 8:12 am

Chassidishe? There are Sefardim who do it too.

And I think the first mentioned upsherin was Ari zal's son!

↑ ChossidMom ↓

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 8:29 am

In general, Chassidim and Sfardim are close-ish. Usually the kever of the Rashbi is loaded with Sfardim and Chassidim. The Litvish - alot less. I've even been in shiurim given by Litvish rabbonim who are a bit against going alot, especially on Lag Ba'Omer (as opposed to sitting and learning). I've always wondered why there is so much tension between sfardim and chassidim when they are actually so similar, especially in the way they view kabbala and the Rashbi (but that's a subject for a different thread ALTOGETHER)...

normama ↓

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 9:17 am

we don't do upsherin, but I do plan on doing a tzitzis and kippah party for DS.
he's getting all excited for tzitzis cuz at school he kisses tzitzis from the
"tzitzis gmach" (so cute when he says it!).
and DH is SUPER against upsherin, if you trace back the history it's actually something
that started with Muslims. we just copied them.
I'm sure you'll all eat me for that, but really, do your homework, this is not a longstanding tradition.

octopus

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 9:22 am

Yes, it started out as a chassidish minhag. I don't know why my fam has the minhag, though. We do the haircut, but not the party. Also- ds has very little hair. I wonder if I will have to cut his hair when the time comes.

montrealmommy

Tue, Dec 16 2008, 11:40 am

we don't do upsherin - we asked dh's rav and received a response that supported this action. When ds turned 3 he was aprtially toilet trained so he put on tzitzis and made the bracha and we would let him wear them as long as he didn't have an accident - if there was one, the tzitzis came off for the day. ds wa ok with yarmulka - so it wsn't an issue for us. I made an aleph-bais cake in the shape of a book with letters for him to pick off (ds doesn't like honey so I made chocolate letters in a mold for him), then dh taught him something (Ihonestly dont't remember what) - that was all. only my immediate family was there - nothing fancy, just lunch with the family and a special bday cake.