Too early to start compiling??

miriamnechama ↓

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 8:28 am

I was wondering if it was too early to start compiling a list of people I'd want toinvite for ds1's bar mitzva.

he is 9, but I felt that after geting a BM invite from an aqquantance last week who I'm not so much in contact and I was shocked a nd surprised.. I would like to reciprocate.

also dh has a large fam, from my foster familly the familly suddenly trippele or quadrupled since my foster father remarried and now we have all his wife's children and grand children.... where we go to all there simchas, I'd want tem at mine.

plus my own familly....

what do you think??

shosh ↓

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 8:54 am

Gosh. I wish I could be that organised. I'm only starting to think what to do now for my son's bar mitzvah - in Sivan. He has to start with tefillin around rosh chodesh Nisan, and the dxh didn't give me an answer as to whether he's to provide him with tefillin or pay towards them, so I've gone and ordered them now as time is ticking away. Somehow Hashem will send me the money to pay for them - it's a zechus, not a burden, to get my son his first tefillin. I'm actually quite excited about it!

I'm quite nervous about making this simcha on my own, especially as dxh refuses to answer any questions about it or speak to a third person. I don't know whether to go ahead and do it all and then send the ol' misery an invite, or do this bit by bit, letting dxh know what's going on and I'll pay for the lot (story of my life), or just do it and say nothing. It's the first simcha we've made as a broken family, apart from dd's bas mitzvah, which was terrible as it was only about six weeks after he left. Then, it was less complicated in a way as there was an restraining order that meant dxh couldn't be there anyway. So I was able to get on with it without interference and he just listened on the end of the phone. Now, there's no such order anymore, and dxh is now married to what was his girlfriend then and they have a child. So it all gets more complicated. Not to mention whether he'll shlep along his gf/wife's family as they live round the corner from me.

Wish us all luck ...

↑ bubby

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 9:00 am

Shosh, he who pays the piper calls the tune. So if your son is OK with having 2 Simchaot (??) I suggest you make what YOU want with people YOU want & let the ex do his thing if he wants. Of course, if DS wants one bash with everyone there, than try tying the old skinflint down & get a check out of him. No tickee, no payee!

(I know it's hard, my sis had the exact same problem.)

↑ shosh

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 9:18 am

bubby wrote:

If I know dxh, he'll wriggle out of paying for anything, moan like H-ll that the tefillin aren't kosher enough, the hall not grand enough, blah blah blah, and turn up swaggering around telling everyone what a caring dad he is!

This whole thing is so hard. But I'm lucky to have caring friends and family, some of whom are even prepared to fly out here from the Old Country to give me some moral support. So it could be worse. But I have to be honest and say I do find the whole thing rather daunting right now!