What can I do? me thinks me need help

alti ↓

Sun, Nov 23 2008, 12:59 pm

SO heres the situation. My dd is four and a half, kindergarten, only child. Generally a good girl.
The teacher has called ( three times since school started) - she has a hard time waiting her turn, needs to be "first" and raises her hands to other girls in the class if they are in her way. I could see her behaving that way- since I have no real oppurtunities to show her how to share and at home she gets all our attention. HEr cousins all live out of town, and my neighbor is populated mostly by older kids.
I made a mitzvah chart ( check if she keeps her hands to herself in school) thinking that some positive reinforcement would help- but the teacher says she still put her hands on somone elses mouth when she wanted a turn to talk to the teacher, but the girl was talking first.
I am emberressed, and I feel like a failure. Ive got one kid and cant keep her in check.

justanothermother

Sun, Nov 23 2008, 1:21 pm

alti wrote:

...but the teacher says she still put her hands on somone elses mouth when she wanted a turn to talk to the teacher, but the girl was talking first...

I smiled when I read that. Definitely the sign of an oldest or only child. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it.

alti wrote:

I am emberressed, and I feel like a failure. Ive got one kid and cant keep her in check.

Don't play the numbers game. One is just as hard as two or three or five. Sometimes more so when it comes to chinuch issues because you feel your whole self invested in her. She sounds spunky and very normal. You do need to figure out though how to have play dates for her where you are there to observe the dynamic and help guide her. I remember the first time my oldest played with other children her age. She was 18 months old. A child came and took away a toy she was using. She just stood there in complete shock. That never happened to her before and she had no idea how to react. Listen, children don't come pre-programmed. So if she doesn't have the proper tools that in no way reflects a failure on your part. Create opportunities for her to practice waiting her turn and letting others go first. It's a process.

Stepmum

Sun, Nov 23 2008, 1:38 pm

As a teacher, I say, don't eat yourself up about it. Only children (or oldest, even if there's a baby), are often more advanced in terms of vocabulary and practical skills, having so much attention at home, but need more work on their social skills. Think of this as being your child's challenge, whereas the next child might need to work on his speech, and another on fine-motor skills.

The important thing is to show the teacher that you are ready to work with her. Ask her for suggestions, and try out different ideas, even if they take a while to show progress.

See if you can find other children for her to have playdates with. What about her classmates?

As a teacher, I'd try using a 'microphone' (this can be anything, it's symbolic), and only the person who is holding it can talk. Not sure if you can find a way to implement it at home. Does she interrupt you and DH?

↑ alti

Sun, Nov 23 2008, 2:08 pm

I love the mike idea! Like I said, home is barely a problem its school and peers that are teh issue- and at play dates when Im around, its mostly fine because if I see her going into "naughty"mode , I stop the fight. But this is school, Im not there- and apparently, shes using her hands on other girls-since the mitzvah chart thing didnt work on the FIRST day I implemented it, should I do somthiing strict? like threaten apunishment and if yes, what? Only somthing instant works with her, she doesnt care If I take a way aprivelege a week from now. Should I try therapy for her?