Detention- who pays the fee?

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:52 pm

7’th grade dd was late to afternoon class a couple of times. (Went to the bathroom end of recess).
She has to pay $10 for detention, plus $5 for transportation.

I told her she has to pay with her own money, and if she won’t be late to class this coming term, I’ll give her back the $15 dollars.

My rationale is, what would motivate her to be on time to class if I just hand her the money?

Curious what others do.

adinab83

Yesterday at 7:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

In elementary they charge for detention? I have never heard of this

amother

Seafoam

Yesterday at 7:54 pm

I’m surprised there’s a fee, but personally I would pay for it. Isn’t the detention itself the punishment? That’s the whole point

Sewsew_mom

Yesterday at 7:56 pm

I actually like your method.
I don't believe in fees in school but that's not something I have control over.
But her paying and you reimbursing really can teach her without her feeling angry.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 7:56 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

I’m surprised there’s a fee, but personally I would pay for it. Isn’t the detention itself the punishment? That’s the whole point

Surprised as well. I think we had to pay like $2.

I don’t think she cares to be honest. She has to stay an hour later in school tomorrow. Not a big deal, especially her friend from the other class will be there too. So it may even be exciting for her…

amother

Whitesmoke

Yesterday at 7:56 pm

I hear you trying to get her to learn her lesson by not making it too easy.
How about going halves on the cost, so she still learns a lesson, but it doesn't pinch her purse too much.
She is a kid after all.

nech-3041

Yesterday at 8:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

If she has the side jobs to cover the costs then she’s definitely capable of learning this. If she doesn’t have any money I would pay it for her but make her do an extra chore or two to earn the money.

amother

Pumpkin

Yesterday at 9:25 pm

They give transportation from detention? That's nice! Idk what I'd do, I've never been charged for detention.

seeker ↓

Yesterday at 10:03 pm

I think your answer is so smart. I wouldn't have thought of it but it's perfect because you're being kind to her (bottom line offering to pay) while also motivating her to do better.

amother

Petunia ↓

Yesterday at 10:19 pm

I guess its the equivalent of boys and knas. Which any yeshiva I know believe parents are paying it.....

amother

Jade

Yesterday at 10:25 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

I guess its the equivalent of boys and knas. Which any yeshiva I know believe parents are paying it.....

So what’s the point?

amother

Lightpink

Yesterday at 10:28 pm

Op you sound like a wise mom

Rare occurrence I pay. If it becomes a thing dds and I have conversation and make them pay

amother

↑ Petunia

Yesterday at 10:43 pm

amother Jade wrote:

So what’s the point?

To make op aware that even though she has a valid point in how she is handling it she should just be aware...

Oh I thought she felt my post was inappropriate.

↑ seeker

Yesterday at 11:41 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

To make op aware that even though she has a valid point in how she is handling it she should just be aware...

I think she meant what's the point of the punishment if the kids aren't the ones feeling it.

amother

Crystal

Yesterday at 11:57 pm

Re - paying for detention
1) covers the cost of the staff member who needs to monitor
2) Brings awareness to kids and or parents to take seriously. Unfortunately there are parents who tell kids "who cares etc"
3) 7th grader is old enough to take responsibility and cover the cost herself. If she doesn't have a job, great you can set up some chores for her to work it off, or have her babysit for a neighbor. $10 isn't too much and maybe Mom pays $5 for transportation because thats a convenience for parents so you can't just use excuse of "my mom couldn't drive me"

Ema of 5

Today at 12:10 am

adinab83 wrote:

In elementary they charge for detention? I have never heard of this

I’ve never heard of charging for detention in any grade.

amother

Coffee

Today at 1:21 am

Detention is so outdated.
In elementary school? Practically unheard of.
For going to the bathroom?
Op, call the school and tell them your dd was in the bathroom.
She shouldn’t be penalized for going to the bathroom.
I wouldn’t make dd pay for it because I don’t believe it’s a fair and appropriate punishment.
You can’t control the school, so I would pay for it for her.

amother

Tanzanite

Today at 2:17 am

We also need to pay for detention. Dd called me one day saying, hi ma I need to stay another 45 min today for detention because I was late, with 10 more kids. I was like, they’re punishing me!! I need you home at 4:30, Help me with supper while I run out to an early wedding. They should call you to school at 6 am for detention! Now that’ll be a lesson!! And if I need my Dd home on Sunday for an appointment I need to call the Wednesday before plus pay $20.