Family first second guessing: Damage Control

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Reading Room

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:59 am

What are your thoughts on this?
https://mishpacha.com/damage-control-2/

amother

PlumPink

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:09 am

There was no way her sister was going to contribute to the replacement of a v expensive curtains and she should know that. But she is justifiably upset.

A conversation rather than a cutting/angry comment would have been a better way forward but again, that is how life goes.

I found it pretty realistic tbh. 2 sibs with really different ways of living and financial envelopes cause clash when together. The second (poor) sister sounds overwhelmed and that is why she doesn't control her boys actions, which is the main fault.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:10 am

I would have her pay every penny of the $2500.

amother

Fern

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:18 am

She knew her sister couldn't pay. She shouldn't have made that remark. But she is human.
In an ideal world she would sit down and say, calmly "no, they won't look like new. They were custom and expensive but I can't afford replacing them now. I know things are just things but We are not set up for the wildness of your boys behavior. I love having you over but I need you and your husband to be more on top of them and make sure they stop playing inside."
Or something that shares her frustration and how to rectify it.
Yes being an almost single mom is hard. But I wear myself ragged making sure everyone is safe, busy, and not destructive. I don't get a nap or time to myself. I think I opened my book 6 times today but didn't get very far... but my kids had fun and didn't destroy the room.

amother

Jasmine

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:20 am

I would find other ways to spend time together and make her sister’s life easier instead of hosting for Shabbos if she knew this would happen, which she did.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 6:29 am

A version of this happened to my DIL. She held her tongue but never invited them over again.

Honestly, in the story - as hostess she could have told her sister "I mean it when I say no indoor ball playing, please tell your boys" instead of repeating it 12 times, when no one was listening.
If she knew this happened before, she should have included some warning in the cute invite she sent.

Halacha doesnt force parents to pay for this.
So no, the hostess doesnt get to ask for reimbursement. And honestly, it wasnt fair to do that to her sister.

Instead of playing it cool on Shabbos, by laughing off the boys antics, she could have told her sister, this is not going to end well, please please, get a handle on your boys.
Its not like they didnt have a safe playing place.

This is how family rifts begin.
Worth remembering the lesson.

amother

Orange

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 6:35 am

She sounded like she was trying too hard.
Inviting them even if it was hard for her. Looking over her shoulder and not saying anything while her insides were twisted as they were playing ball inside.
If she couldn't deal with the consequences she shouldn't have offered.

I had a special needs neighbor borrow a really expensive item of mine (think almost $1k). The mother saw right away and asked me if she should get it back from her. I saw how it was really calming her down mid tantrum and told the mom it was okay. The girl then tore a piece of it. The mother offered to replace it. I said no. I was the one that gave the permission for the sn girl to play with it I should deal with the consequences.

amother

Plum

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 6:59 am

I have family that is also very hands off in terms of parenting, and inevitably stuff gets destroyed when they come. It takes a lot of mental preparation to have them over and a lot of calming myself down down again after.

I think in the case of the story, she shouldn't have mentioned the cost of the curtains to her sister because she knows they can't afford it. She should have addressed the behavior, and how her sister and bil need to be more proactive in the future regarding wild behavior.

In my case, speaking directly doesn't help. But hey, maybe in this fictional story clear communication will help avoid future problems.

amother

Bluebell

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:34 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Agree with this. Parents were 100% irresponsible, but hostess knew going in. Amd hostess should have been firm on shobbos.

No I do not let my guests children or my kids friends jump on my furniture or eat all over the house. And ive had wild kids over. Hostess needs to be telling parents directly.

However, I think everyone was being human here.

Including the hostess talking about the cost - though she should have held her tongue and shes unlikelyto be fully paid back- and the guest realizing its time to go.

amother

Peru

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:40 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Halacha doesnt force parents to pay for this.

This. To me that's all that needs to be said. The sister shouldn't invite them again. Go somewhere boy proof if they want to spend a shabbos together.

Page 1 of 1