Hitting a brick wall

amother

Today at 1:44 pm

I'm working for an employer 6+ years that feels like I'm on a sinking ship--its a "government entity" so it won't ever go away, but reform will happen slowly--likely even under Trump. It's being mismanaged, and morale is low, constant budget cuts that make doing our job more challenging. People in our city are upset with the entity as a whole and my small tiny department gets the brunt of people's frustrations.

Last year I felt my work was heavily under-appreciated and I got thrown under the bus on a number of situations that either weren't my fault or I got scapegoated.

I was pregnant and on maternity leave so I didn't let it bother me and I decided that I was going to come back and "take the bull by the horns"--but I am just so unmotivated right now.

Yes I'm not sleeping well, and in an attempt to "give me a fresh start" to "prove my worth"--they put me in the worst possible scenario and I hate it, this scenario is NOT how I thrive even when I asked to change it. I have been getting by the past few weeks on a certain loop-hole and I don't feel good about it. I'm scared I'm going to get caught and I've emailed my supervisor a few times and she doesnt respond.

B"H I have a large family which means I need this job but I always feel guilty leaving home to go to work because there is so much for me to do at home.

Aside from this employer there arent many options. I could work remote as a 1099--but that means putting in a full 40-hour week and no benefits. I think I am making more as a salary and we need my salary.

I (used to) love my line of work and I'm good at it in theory, but I don't do well when my work isn't appreciated and as a whole it is being sucked into a woke-philosophy and I hate that aspect of it.