I'm being called stingy 😢

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:00 pm

My young siblings that have no concept of budgeting and live high life (while on government programs) keep on calling me stingy for wanting to put a stop to & not wanting to chip in for high end family gifts & simchas. We're not poor bh, we're just middle class with many expenses that come along with raising teenagers kh. Most of my siblings aren't in that stage of life yet & they call me (and others stingy.) It's becoming really hurtful. They just don't understand.
Thanks for listening to my vent....

Goldengoose

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:04 pm

yep, been there done that. it was hurtful. the tables have turned. it's bittersweet.
they will grow up and learn that life isn't always like that.
until then stand your ground and do what's right for you.

amother

Bone

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:20 pm

You’re doing great.

Don’t worry they’re living on government programs of course they don’t have any clue of what your expenses and lifestyle is it’s a world of a difference.

Dealing with similar, they’re going off on vacations here and there, spending on nicer restaurants etc… while were living in a higher tuition and high taxes neighborhood and trying to get by and live within our means… so no I don’t feel bad we just have different priorities.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:47 pm

I'm so hurt the I am being called the difficult one by people that don't understand the value of money & don't have 3/4 of the life expenses we do. My other siblings are too weak to stand up for themselves so they just go along with it & vent to me, because the don't want to cause drama. But I've has enough of this overspending on everything.

giftedmom

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:48 pm

Just tell them you can’t afford it. If they want they can cover your portion. No need to make a whole matzav.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:51 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Just tell them you can’t afford it. If they want they can cover your portion. No need to make a whole matzav.

I'm not making a matzav. They're making a a matzav & calling me stingy & difficult. I'm so hurt.
They're also mocking my parents for making simple simchas within their budget. It's so hurtful to see. I look up to my parents for living within their means & they're mocking.

amother

Holly ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:51 pm

I don’t understand how they don’t have the sensitivity to shut their mouth. When I feel like a relative is being cheap I close my mouth and remind myself that I don’t know their financial situation.
The only time I get upset is when they’re cheap but really spend a whole lot more on nonsense. Still I keep my mouth shut.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 2:58 pm

amother Holly wrote:

I guess they didn't reach that level of maturity yet.
We're not being cheap. I have no problem with gifting & chipping in for things that are reasonable priced. They just want to do everything expensive & high end & those that don't want to go along with it are being called stingy and difficult.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 3:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's an upside down world

amother

↑ Holly

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 3:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Honestly I would just tell them I’m doing my own thing count me out.

lamplighter

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 3:53 pm

Saying you can't afford something seems to illicit a different response than saying you don't want to spend on that.
I'm not saying they are correct. I'm saying it minimize the comments.
And yes they are immature.....give them time...

amother

Canary

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 4:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm sorry, they have a real problem and it's not called money.
I have told my siblings I can't afford something without being called stingy.
If they're feeling generous one of them will quietly pay my share and if not, they'll buy cheaper and add our names on.
Calling you out, being rude, making fun is downright bad manners.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 6:44 pm

Tell them you don't spend extravagantly on principle, because you're trying to raise children who have good middos.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 6:48 pm

I was in the same boat for a few years until the younger siblings started having more life expenses, and then the comments became much less

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 7:33 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Tell them you don't spend extravagantly on principle, because you're trying to raise children who have good middos.

I wouldn't say something thats patronizing and judgey.

amother

Natural

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 9:16 pm

Can you be mean and say, oh but I already chipped by covering your wic card this month, which came from my taxes! So no worries you can just pay my share, add my name on the card oh and cuz I’m so generous, keep the change!

Or more realistically, contact the other siblings that prefer to keep things simpler. Agree on set amounts for gifts and stuff. Then one of you arranges the gift, let the high end immature ones know this is what you’re doing, if they want to join. If not, then let it just be a gift from the ones that are in the same boat as you.

And no one should be mocking their parents, regardless of finances. It’s assur, plain and simple.

amother

Viola

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 9:54 pm

Can someone explain to me how people living on govt programs are able to live lavishly

amother

Nectarine

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 10:55 pm

amother Viola wrote:

Can someone explain to me how people living on govt programs are able to live lavishly

They don't have expenses