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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:27 pm
My chassidish son ex kallah that's not chassidish got engaged?
They broke off engagement a month before the wedding, a yr ago. My son is already engaged to someone else.
Do I just ignore? Do I send her a mazel tov?
I'm very happy for her, that bh she's moving on.
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amother
Kiwi
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:28 pm
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singleagain
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:43 pm
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Curious, how did you hear about the engagement?
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:44 pm
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It's posted on only simchas with a pic
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amother
Almond
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:45 pm
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I think it's strange that you would even consider still maintaining any relationship or contact.
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amother
Lightpink
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:48 pm
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Ignore. It's not your place to say anything or show recognition. It's a chapter in life that should remain closed.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:49 pm
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We don't keep any contact or connection at all. Not with family. Not with girl. Not my son with her or family. Totally cut off contact. Someone just let me know she saw it there.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:53 pm
In chassidish world a broken engagement is a rarity, so just don't know what I'm supposed to do with this info.
Parents didn't allow her to marry my son, because he's chassidish. I have nothing against her. I felt bad for her.
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:54 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My chassidish son ex kallah that's not chassidish got engaged?
They broke off engagement a month before the wedding, a yr ago. My son is already engaged to someone else.
Do I just ignore? Do I send her a mazel tov?
I'm very happy for her, that bh she's moving on. |
It is unnecessary to reach out, but if you happen to meet her or her parents at a simcha, shule, store, street or wherever and you are face to face with her, a warm smile and Mazal Tov is nice.
Whatever the circumstances were, I am sure she knows you are happy for her.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:57 pm
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We don't live in same community, and are not in same circles, so bumping in would be highly unlikely.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:06 pm
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Ok. I won't reach out but I guess I'll have to explore with my therapist why I feel like I would like to send her my mazel tov. I realize if I do it will make all parties harder to move on. Like when she's going onto next stage, don't need to remind her or drag her back into the past. Just let her go....and not be attached.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:08 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Ok. I won't reach out but I guess I'll have to explore with my therapist why I feel like I would like to send her my mazel tov. I realize if I do it will make all parties harder to move on. Like when she's going onto next stage, don't need to remind her or drag her back into the past. Just let her go....and not be attached. |
Exactly this. Hatzalacha working through it!
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:08 pm
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Thanks for helping me process. I knew I can rely on you imamother.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:10 pm
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My therapist helped me process, and let go when they broke off. She was with me thru the journey.
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amother
Chestnut
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:18 pm
| amother Almond wrote: | | I think it's strange that you would even consider still maintaining any relationship or contact. |
While its inadvisable and not typical to maintain contact, I can totally see that if the breakip was amicable and understandable, why as the mother you could still have warm feelings and WANT to connect.
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amother
Mintgreen
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:21 pm
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I think it would make her uncomfortable so please don’t
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essie14
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:22 pm
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She has moved on. I don't think she would want to hear from you.
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amother
Lightgreen
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:46 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Ok. I won't reach out but I guess I'll have to explore with my therapist why I feel like I would like to send her my mazel tov. I realize if I do it will make all parties harder to move on. Like when she's going onto next stage, don't need to remind her or drag her back into the past. Just let her go....and not be attached. |
Apologies in advance, but do you feel compelled to discuss it with her? There doesn't have to be some deep reason why you thought so. It could just be: You saw she was engaged -> "Hey, do I need to say anything?" -> Gut feeling is correct, just ignore it because it will make it harder for everyone -> move on. I wonder if discussing it with therapist will just make it become more of an issue for you than it needs to be. Just move on.
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