Why do I feel this pressure to constantly bond with my kids?

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:07 pm

Right now the only ones living at home are my teenage daughter and a toddler. My daughter had a short school day today and we spent the afternoon together running errands and going out for lunch. Now we’re home, my toddler has therapy, and we’re both sitting on our devices and I feel this pressure to spend more time with her. But I literally have no idea how to do that. I spend so much time with her and she gets so much attention, but I always feel guilty when I’m on my phone when she’s around. But what do I do with her? She’s happy on her iPad, but I have so much mom guilt.

amother

Rose ↓

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:10 pm

It’s better to spend time in active ways- go out if possible for frozen yogurt or ice cream, a walk once a week. Something small weekly will help reignite the relationship in a positive way. No phones on this date btw. Just connecting and catching up with life, goals, dreams, what’s happening in school, whatever she wants to talk about, speaking openly about your relationship and how it can be improved, etc .

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:18 pm

I dunno, I don't think that "doing something with her" has to be a whole production. It might mean just shmoozing with her. Even if you're both "plugged in," keep your eyes open for something she might like as you're scrolling and mention it to her. Maybe it will start a discussion. If nothing else, at least she knows you're "with" her and thinking about her, even while you're scrolling...

amother

↑ Rose

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:22 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

My most impressionable memories of my parent was when I went out with them or had deep discussions without a phone. Walking could also suffice or going out to nature. But certainly not sitting down with a phone or iPad, and not sharing what I do with her. what she has there wouldn’t be my business and I feel that it’s sort of awkward. I wouldn’t feel comfortable at that age. Just my opinion it’s better to be phone less. It’s more special.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:40 pm

amother Rose wrote:

Of course when I’m with her, out to lunch etc, I’m not busy with my phone. But BH we have SO much time together. Should I just never be on my phone? I supposed that’s an ideal, but I’m not quite there yet…

amother

Cornsilk

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:40 pm

amother Rose wrote:

Oh, I agree that screen-free time is priceless and very important. But that's not what she's asking. She spent the whole afternoon with her already. Now they're having downtime. She's wondering how to interact with her when she seems happy on her ipad.

My kids don't have ipads or phones (and yes, I have teens), so could be I'm wrong. But I did grow up with a TV, and I know that when my mom came in and started talking to me about what I was watching, we'd sometimes have some interesting conversations...or we'd sit and watch a movie together and talk about it afterwards. Was thinking the same could apply here, quality time and technology don't have to be mutually exclusive (as long as there's quality time without tech too)...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:42 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

Yes I love this idea. Like we can both be on our devices but don’t have to tune each other out. Can still connect in whatever way we can.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:46 pm

tichellady wrote:

It’s ok to have downtime and take a break

I guess I’m always hearing about how bad it is to be on your phone when your kids are around, but I’m literally at a loss about how to spend more time with her. Yet I pressure myself and feel like I’m not being a good enough mother.

wanttobehappy

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 5:48 pm

Play games do art together bake/ cook together read to her.. even my 11 year old likes when I read to him. My kids love to jump on the trampoline with them. Ur gut is telling u something important.. listen and to it.. ur don’t have to be ON and bonding all the time but the more u do it’s the better let’s not kid ourselves