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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
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 Fri, Sep 06 2024, 2:15 pm
I know there are worse things in life, I feel ridiculous being so upset about this but I'm really upset.
We don't have a lot of money, we are very frugal and my DH almost never gifts me anything. In my community people wear real jewelry and commonly get jewelry gifts. DH isn't into Jewelry and the costs just makes it prohibitive in his mind. I own almost no jewelry. I'm 38, I have my wedding ring and engagement ring and another ring. I have a necklace that is actually not real that I wear daily and that's it. Three years ago DH surprised me and told me to go buy myself a peice of jewelry for Yom tov. I spent a lot of time choosing and ended up with a pair of earrings. They are the only pair of earrings I own.
We were on vacation, the earrings were on the nightstand in the room we were staying at (Airbnb - not hotel- it wasn't stolen), somehow in middle of packing up, one of the earrings got lost. I searched everywhere and in all the suitcases, shook out every single item and it was no where to be found. DH also tried and we couldn't find it. I thought it would turn up but it still hasn't.
I'm so upset over it. I really don't push DH to gift me, I have accepted a much less materialistic life than I would like, these earrings made me so happy, I loved them, I wore them every day, and I'm just so sad that they got lost. Is it pathetic that I'm upset at Hashem, like why can't I just have one nice thing.
Anyways, can you help me move past this?
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champagne
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 2:21 pm
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I feel so sad for you that you lost your earrings! It’s so, so frustrating to lose something expensive — especially when it means so much to you.
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amother
Cyclamen
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 2:41 pm
I’m so sorry to hear that something precious got lost
Try to thank Hashem daily for this
Yes it’s hard
Fake it till you make it
And yes HASHEM knows that you are faking it
But it’s not about Hashem, it’s about you.
Hashem sees how hard you are trying to accept this and will put those feelings in your heart.
You truly know this is a kapara for a worse tragedy, Chas Veshalom.
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amother
Peru
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 2:48 pm
Jewelry HAS become cost prohibitive. The plus side of that is that it has become common and acceptable to wear fake. Not junky fake, but now they make beautiful fake. Or made out of silver and fake diamonds.
That's mostly what I wear.
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simcha12plus
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 2:57 pm
I totally understand you!!
I have so few special pieces.
I don’t wear costume. firstly, it doesn’t make me feel pretty.
secondly, it’s much heavier than real jewelry and I don’t like the heavy sensation.
I noticed two weeks ago that a diamond had fallen out of my bracelet. I am really so frustrated.
I also lost one earring of a very expensive pair of earring a while back. I also
lost an expensive bracelet.
I can’t afford to replace either.
I am still sad about it.
I started to slowly save up for a new piece.
Losing expensive things is hard.
it’s ok to be sad.
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amother
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 2:59 pm
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I have not seen any nice fakes that aren't silver with diamonds look. I like gold jewelry.
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amother
Salmon
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:00 pm
Hugs OP!
Remember that the feelings behind DH's gift did not disappear with the earring. They are still there and just as strong. It is very meaningful to have that physical reminder of his love but even without it, you carry that love in your heart.
You can try giving tzedakah to R' Meir Baal Hanes.
And if you can buy a cheap but pretty pair of earrings so you don't feel the loss as acutely.
May you soon be in a place where DH is regularly able to gift you beautifully as an expression of your beautiful relationship.
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riseandshine
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:02 pm
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I heard when moshiach comes aliyahu hanavi will return everything anybody has ever lost!
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amother
Goldenrod
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:03 pm
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I'm so sorry op, I would be terribly upset if this had happened to me. I don't know your style, but I like Kendra Scott and mejuri for a nice variety of well priced jewelry that often looks much more expensive.
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Imateacher
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:04 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I have not seen any nice fakes that aren't silver with diamonds look. I like gold jewelry. |
Try lab diamonds.
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mushkamothers
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:07 pm
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If it's airbnb I'd message them to ask if they find it
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amother
Impatiens
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:12 pm
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Would you be willing to forgo your next vacation and use that money for new jewelry? The cost of two nights in an air BNB, gas to get there, food while there, and activities while there would add up to something for at least $500.
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amother
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:16 pm
| mushkamothers wrote: | | If it's airbnb I'd message them to ask if they find it |
I did that.
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amother
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:17 pm
| amother Impatiens wrote: | | Would you be willing to forgo your next vacation and use that money for new jewelry? The cost of two nights in an air BNB, gas to get there, food while there, and activities while there would add up to something for at least $500. |
I don't think my children should not go on vacation next summer so that I can get a new pair of earrings.
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amother
Charcoal
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:20 pm
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I’m so sorry. I also have no real jewelry. My kallah bracelet disappeared (must’ve fallen off my wrist at some point) a few years ago. The only thing I still have are my engagement ring and wedding band. I went away for the summer and decided not to bring my rings with me. I put them in a very safe place for safekeeping. The problem is, I can not remember where. I searched all the possible places and the not so possible places. They have not yet turned up. I will iyH daven that yours turns up. Will you daven for me?
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amother
Mimosa
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:24 pm
So, so sorry. It should be a kaparah.
Have you checked inside the lining of your suitcase?
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tichellady
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:28 pm
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It is upsetting and it’s ok to be upset
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amother
Indigo
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:44 pm
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Rabbi Meir Ba'al Hanes tzedakah, say the Tefilah, and ask Hashem in your own words. It's helped me many times.
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amother
DarkCyan
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Fri, Sep 06 2024, 3:59 pm
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Can you take the earring match to 47th Street and ask a jeweler to construct one earring to match? I have recently done this.
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amother
Cream
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Sat, Sep 07 2024, 9:12 pm
| amother DarkCyan wrote: | | Can you take the earring match to 47th Street and ask a jeweler to construct one earring to match? I have recently done this. |
This is a great idea. I think if you ask to match it with czs not diamonds it won’t feel like you’re wearing a completely fake pair of earrings because you still have the one real one and then the other one that would be something like $100 instead of $1000 and It’s still like you’re wearing that pair that you got from your husband that was real
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