Why is she acting out (3 years old)

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ShakleeMom ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 1:36 pm

My daughter… a very interesting character. Last winter she started nursery school and loved it and thrived. Her speech blossomed, loved her friends, teachers, the whole routine. But Gutt should help when she walked in after 3, she trashes the house! Stupid little things that 10 months old do. Like, spilling sugar, scribbling the walls… with time, I learned how to buy toys geared to her type, and we played together. Many times she would tear and trash the stuff in front of my eyes, with that…….GRIN!

Well anyway, summer came and I figured, her boredom will stop as she will knocked out with swimming in the day camp. Same story.

Then, shocker. Day camp was over and she got two weeks vacation. This child was not to be recognized! She woke up at dawn, singing to her dolls, dressing them, playing like an angle. She also dressed herself from head to toe each day, something I did not even expect or ask from her! (she just picked out clothes and dressed herself before we woke up). This scares me! Why is she so happy with vacation? I thought she was bored all this time!

Well, now school started. From the first day on… trashing has resurfaced. And then today. They called me from school, she needs a clothing change! My daughter? Never peed in her pants for all she’s worth! In her life!

I’m so upset, I can’t figure this out. What’s going on? You know how you think you have it figured out, she’s bored, let me play and entertain her… and it’s not even the issue! I know her personality. She hates authority, ‘Don’t tell me what to do and when” but then, why wasn’t she happier in the summer when it was all about fun?

Help Help Help!

yo'ma

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 1:46 pm

If it's camp, there's still authority, especially for a 3 year old. Camp pretty much does the same thing as a school at that age.

greenfire ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:17 pm

keep her home ... maybe she'll settle down and be better in a year or so ...

Tamiri ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:18 pm

Green, you mean that maybe the little girl LIKES being home and being bored more than being entertained in a program?

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:20 pm

Helloooooooo this is an issue, not one to run and hide by keeping her home. If only I know where to begin.

You don’t keep a kindergarten kid home after a year of nursery.

↑ Tamiri ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:25 pm

Why not, if it makes her happy and you are willing/able?
You see, when a child acts out: unless there is something wrong with her that she can't control herself, this is her way of sending you a message. You have the wonderful job of figuring out what the message is.

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:27 pm

Ok so keep her home for the rest of her life? Doesn’t sound right to me.

Chocoholic ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:30 pm

She doesn't have issues of not being able to behave well because she can do so at home.
Find out what her issues are with school. Maybe take her to a childs' psychologist.

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:33 pm

I am hesitant to speak to the school principal because A she doesn’t know my kid and B they might label my kid… and then, I’m hesitant to speak to teacher on the third day of school because A she’s like 18 years old, no experience,. And B has no clue about my daughter!

↑ Tamiri ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:36 pm

ShakleeMom wrote:

Um... so what, exactly is your daughter doing there? What you are saying is that she is left in a place with someone unexperienced in handling children and the person in charge doesn't know your child and you hesitate to discuss her even though you leave her there daily.... huh?
If you keep her home, it doesn't mean for the rest of her life. It's till she is equipped to handle whatever is bothering her currently.
Doesn't it make you want to find out what's bothering her, when she is so obviously (according to your descriptions) in distress?

Last edited by Tamiri on Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Chocoholic

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:38 pm

You can take her to a childs' psychologist/therapist without the school's knowledge.

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:39 pm

Well yes. Firstly, we’re stuck in that school for a variety of reasons. I just think that the principal sits there and runs the place but doesn’t get down on the floor with the kids, so she has no clue what I mean.

And the teacher, the poor teacher – just graduated school herself, and it’s what, the third day I wonder if she even remembers my kid’s name.

↑ Tamiri ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:45 pm

Well then, if you can't change the school and you can't keep her home, is therapy an option? You can get great results from play therapy with a qualified therapist.

gryp

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 10:13 am

I would keep her home until you find her a school where she's happy. I think it makes sense to keep children in a environment where they are happy and secure, and not to keep them where they're miserable.

amother ↓

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 10:17 am

something must be bothering her at school. either her teachers arent good, or she isnt ready

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 1:03 pm

Laydeez I just came back after spending 2.5 hour sin the school. I explored all 6 kindergartens. Shocker: 5 are headstart classes, only one is not. Because we are not poverty stricken, there was no option but to put her in the non-headstart class. Well, turns out that she is the only one who came from her age group into that class. All of her classmates have either repeated nursery last year, or are repeating kindergarten! Well, to conclude, it won’ help her to switch classes because A – I am locked of headstart classes and B – the classes are poorly blended, not by age group at all. There are 3 year olds, 4 year olds, and kids turning 5 ! So the principal said that she will work with the teacher to help her adapt. A bit more attention may do the trick. I am continuing to daven. I don’t see any other option.

bebe3

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 1:25 pm

It could be she wants more mommy time. It could be she doesn't have a structured school day and has a hard time transitioning and when she gets home she has so much vented up rage from the lack of structure she just has to let it all out.
In camp they go from one activity to the next, in school it should be the same but since it's such a vast range of ages she could be having to much free play.
You need to find out her schedule for the day, find how how the teacher transitions the class and also find out how she interacts with the other kids. Having accidents is regressing and regression is caused by a sudden change in the kids life. It's usually with a new baby in the house or moving etc. If nothing like that is going on you need to make sure that the school is not just throwing all the non headstart kids in a room with an unqualified teacher to babysit all day. Besides why should you pay for her to do the same thing she would be doing at home.

mammala120

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 1:38 pm

ok I could' have wrote this post myself.
my dd is also 3 and has tantrums and misbehavior and hits her siblings when she comes right from shcool. I kept her home whole summer only not to deal with her tantrums, she was perfect little girl except some of the time. but now she started nursery again and her afterschool behavior returned. I really don't know what to do and would love to hear from other moms

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 1:48 pm

mammala120 - I could cry with you. I'm in tears.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 2:05 pm

if that happened to me I would take out my daughter from that class ASAP

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