Would you be okay with this?

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 2:08 pm

Dd12 day camp hired a driver to drive a few girls who live out of the way of bus routes to and from day camp. A few times over the month, some of the kids on the van decided let's all go to the pizza store, or let's all go to the ice cream store. The driver agree to this. Ostensibly the kids who decided this checked with their mothers.

1. Do you think it's OK of the driver hired by a day camp to let a few 12 years olds decide where to get dropped off without speaking directly to either the day camp or the parents?

2. Would you let your dd join if "everyone else" was already doing it? Does it make a difference if she asked you the night before or if she calls that day from the van saying all the girls are going can I go along.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 2:11 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

Absolutely NOT okay under any circumstances. I would not consider the driver to be a safe driver that can be trusted with driving kids. He should be taking the girls from camp straight home.

Good to know my instinct is on target. Just wanted to make sure I'm not a controlling mother before I talk to the camp

What about letting your kid join?

keym

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 2:48 pm

I would not be comfortable with this.

But it would be important to first establish how you would feel/the culture on the bus.

If 5 girls on the bus decided to get off at a different stop than regular to go for pizza because their parents allowed, is that problematic?

Is the culture on the bus that the girls get off at other stops or only their stop

Pointing this out because it would be important to clarify what the culture and expectations are about the driver before you complain.

Communities differ. But it seems like 12 year old girls do go together for an occasional pizza or ice cream after school.

amother

Acacia

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 2:52 pm

I wouldn't be ok with it but I can tell you that I've had this experience a few times over the years, so I wouldn't be especially suspicious of the driver. Whoever hired the driver needs to reach out and let them know that unauthorized stops are not allowed under any circumstances.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 3:15 pm

keym wrote:

It's not a bus, its a van. The girls live very spread apart and are all supposed to be dropped off at their door. It's 12 girls in all.

There isn't a culture because it's for day camp that runs for 3 weeks. I feel like the driver as the adult in charge should be setting the culture, not the girls.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 3:16 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

I know. I'm sure he means well.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 3:21 pm

I would not be ok with it at all. Going anywhere but straight home breaches safety boundaries for everyone. Kids should know he drives from camp to home period. Also he has no idea if parents are ok with this. I’d actually be livid.

amother

IndianRed

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 3:23 pm

I think the answer is community dependent.

Some communities send kids under 10 to the supermarket.
Last night I was driving through a community different than my own and 5-6 (maybe younger) were playing outside without an adult in sight. That blows my mind.

In those communities, I don’t see why that wouldn’t be completely the norm and acceptable.

My kids are older, and I am old, but in the 80’s we took the city bus home from middle school and often went to Baskin Robbin’s on the way home.
I feel like at 12, my kids did go to the avenue with friends. They definitely walked to shul alone and to friends in the afternoon and on Shabbos there are no cellphones to check in. The kids are calling you first, correct? It’s a little weird that the driver is ok with this (but it makes his life easier-1) the don’t whine, 2) one stop drop off.) I think he thinks it is fine and is being an easy going, amenable guy.

And typically I am the helicopter parent.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 3:27 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

How are these girls getting home after the pizza party?
No I would not be ok with this. My kids know they must come straight home after school.

A mother from the neighborhood agreed to pick them up and drive them home.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 3:29 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

I don't have a problem with my 10 year old going to the grocery if I send him there, but this is different. It's not "weird" of the driver, it's downright irresponsible. For all he knows these kids using his phone are pretend calling their parents and pretend getting permission. If he's relying on their word that their mothers let that's very naive of him.