Did you get over a block against davening?

amother

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 4:31 am

I've spent so long not davening. I cry to Hashem every day and speak to Him, but davening has always been hard for me. I've had times here and there where I managed to, but not for a long time. Now I feel sort of, embarrassed maybe? Or foolish? Even to daven by myself, but more so for DH to see, maybe he'll think I'm fake or something. Has anyone got past something similar?

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:42 am

I say the words. Kavanah I think is hard for everyone. I also go through dry spells where I don't want to pick up a siddur at all - but it's an extention of struggling to connect, not just because I have trouble finding meaning in the words, but if I daven and pay attention to what the words mean it helps to feel connected, which helps me want to daven again.
So some thoughts.
Just do it. Fake it until you make it. The inspiration Will follow.
One trick the yetzer harah uses is to tell us we are fakers, you don't mean it anyhow, this isn't you.. don't bother.. in reality every yid wants to do the mitzvos and is connected to Hashem. Sometimes there is dirt covering over our neshama making it seem as if we aren't connected, as if the state of disconnection is the real us.. but if we can't push past it we can see that that is just a trick of the yetzer harah. The real us is the connected version. Basically - deep down you want to daven, so pushing yourself to daven isn't a fake, it's an attempt to reconnect with your essence.
Another biggie - learn peirush hamilos, learn about tefila in general and kavanos of some of the main tefilos in particular, it takes it from being dry words, to an inspirational start to your day.

amother

Mimosa ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:56 am

I started davening when I’m driving in the car. Then I would sometimes still have to finish when I got home.
After the first time dh saw me davening he didn’t think it was a strange thing to do. He davens every day also. He got used to the fact that I might be davening sometimes in the morning.
Once when we were having a huge issue with a child, I told dh that I’ll say tehillim every day. I started off davening and then saying the tehillim. It was a sight he saw for many months. After the first day he knew this is what I’ll be doing.
He davens every day too. He doesn’t thing davening is a strange thing to do.
I’m not sure that he realized that I wasn’t davening when I had stopped.

PinkFridge ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:01 am

amother OP wrote:

I've got over blocks. Then new ones come up. Then I get over them. But each time, I am in a different place. Hugs!

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:04 am

BTW, I'm at a different stage in life. There were years when I didn't have blocks against davening as simply no time.
Let yourself daven less. Try to find something that resonates. Understand that it may not every day, or you may have just sped by that mile marker in your davening and forgotten. But if you manage to do a little formal davening on a fairly regular basis, you'll be keeping the mechanism oiled so it won't atrophy.

oohlala

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:33 am

I started during covid when many were was dying every day. I was able to bec my husband was working from home and I asked him to take care of everyone while I davened brachos for a few minutes. That’s how I started and I was able to build up from there. Now I make sure I will have some time to daven every day, even if it’s abbreviated. Good luck. It’s hard. What got me over the hump was that during an ais tzarah (covid, war etc) there’s no machlokes about women davening miderabanan or mideoraysah. It’s clearly a chiyuv during ais tzarah. Just don’t be perfectionist about how much. Look into what your minimal obligation is and work from there. You can try rabbi nissels book rigshei lev.

amother

Topaz

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:35 am

Davening has always been hard for me. I tried hard when I was very young but I just could not concentrate. Then I became unable to daven at all. Even asking for things in my own words became hard.

I slowly realized it was partly because when I was SAed as a child I wondered if Hashem would save me. I realized He would not. That created a block against davening. Like anything I would try to ask for I’d think Yea right, like He would give it to me.

But… I don’t have that block against having emuna, because I didn’t have emuna at that time so it’s completely new. And I’ve learned that emuna is much stronger than tefilla so it makes sense He would respond to that.

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:39 am

amother Topaz wrote:

Wow.
It's amazing what can happen when we're open to possibilities.
And I don't mean what can happen as in everything turning out according to our scripts, but what can happen as far as who we can become.

amother

↑ Mimosa

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 9:53 am

I used to daven shachris for an hour.
I just can’t do that anymore. Not because my life is so busy. It’s actually not busy at all.
Do daven but it’s quite abridged. I feel bad about it. I have a lot to ask for these days. I ask but without saying the words of all the tefillos. Maybe that’s why I’m not being answered. Also, I have a hard time standing by the parts that need to be stood up for. It’s hard for me to stand and say shemona esrei. It feels wrong to sit when I should be standing.. I’m inspired by reading this thread. Maybe I’ll go daven now.

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 10:09 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm also embarrassed to daven when dh sees because I daven so rarely so when I do daven I make sure to finish before he's back home

613mitzvahgirl

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 10:42 am

I’ve definitely had some of these, all due to being a victim of bullies. It was so hard for me to daven at school. I wanted to daven so much in scholl and the bullies would stand around me and not give me the space and head space to. I’d just mumble words under my breath just to say something to HaShem to get me through the day. And when the dismissal bell rang I’d run ahead from my sisters just to get home to daven. I felt terrible and miserable that I couldn’t daven in school that my school work got affected as well. Many times my brother would come home during break to stay with me while I davened. I needed that support and he really was. Now looking back when I go to shul or daven I daven with so much more kavanah knowing the bullies aren’t near by,and will never come near.

amother

Sunflower

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just by the way, calling out/ crying/ talking to Him is ikar tefillah

https://youtu.be/cHXXUF02lg4?s.....F51YM

amother

Olive

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:39 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

An hour? Wow. It takes me 30-35 minutes to daven brachos, Baruch She'amar through Shemoneh Esrei, Ashrei-Uva Letzion, Aleinu, and the yom.

simcha12plus

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:51 pm

choose ONE tefillah that you like the words
vehaarev na, ahavas olam (ahavas rabbah), elokai neshama, ribon kol haolamim

something that has meaning

start with that and the first paragraph of shema where you accept ok malchus shamayim.

start with two minutes.

you might get over your block

amother

Mint

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:58 pm

I cannot daven. I don’t know why. I space out after two seconds and it feels like torture. Been like this forever. Only time I can make it through and maybe even feel some thing is being in shul which is not an option ever anymore lol. At home my mind wanders and I feel stifled and like I need to get out of it. I even have a hard time in my own worlds after benching licht. Only when I’m truly in a desperate scary crisis can I cry out to Hashem. I dissociate in general I wonder if it’s connected…

amother

Celeste

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 1:20 pm

I also had a hard time davening, I decided I will daven brochos every day. After a few months I added Kris shma, and later shemona esrei.
Take it slow… decide on one refills you will daven every day.