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-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
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 Thu, May 30 2024, 11:48 pm
This is not my first daughter but still a little stuck here.
A few months ago she started developing, but it's still just around the center.
when she wears her uniform or shabbos clothes, you can't see anything.
but when she is in pajamas, it's very visible and I feel bad that she walks around in front of her brothers like that. (it's tznius pajamas and she doesn't walk around in it THAT much, but still)
but then again, she wouldn't be wearing the bra for the night. and she doesn't need it for the day.
any thoughts/suggestions?
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amother
Brickred
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Thu, May 30 2024, 11:51 pm
I don't have personal experience yet (getting there now too...)
I would assume step 1 is a better undershirt, that has a bit support on top. That's usually step 1 if beginner bra isn't needed yet. I remember hearing about that, maybe others can chime in as to what is out there. That would solve issue at night or anytime she wears shells, etc. And it feels like reg undershirt.
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 12:20 am
My girls wear an undershirt with a built in bra type of thing. I get them at petit clair.
That said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your daughter walking around in Pj's in front of her brothers. There's nothing to be embarrassed about & please don't teach her that it's embarrassing.
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seeker
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Fri, May 31 2024, 1:03 am
I think it's never too early to buy it, because that avoids any awkwardness of deciding when is the perfect moment. "Hey DD, since these changes are coming up, hang onto this so you can start wearing it when you're ready." I think most kids will naturally realize when they feel more comfortable with it, but for the rest you can give a little nudge "hey remember that underwear you've been storing? I bet this shirt would look nice with that, why not try it on." And if they decide to wear it because their friends are starting even if they don't need it yet, who cares, it's all good.
Re pajamas if it's that noticeable then maybe she needs better pajamas. But also don't overthink it. I think in general as she's getting older anyway it would be a good idea to encourage her to change into pajamas right before bedtime and change into clothes soon after waking. No reason for a kid this age to hang out in pajamas except maybe in cozy season, in which case you're wearing a sweatshirt over it anyway.
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notshanarishona
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Fri, May 31 2024, 6:54 am
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A bra is primarily for when someone needs support for their breasts. Not just because their shape is slightly visible. Please don’t make your daughter uncomfortable in her own skin by suggesting it’s not tsnius to wear pajamas without a bra.
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amother
Moccasin
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Fri, May 31 2024, 8:07 am
| amother OP wrote: | This is not my first daughter but still a little stuck here.
A few months ago she started developing, but it's still just around the center.
when she wears her uniform or shabbos clothes, you can't see anything.
but when she is in pajamas, it's very visible and I feel bad that she walks around in front of her brothers like that. (it's tznius pajamas and she doesn't walk around in it THAT much, but still)
but then again, she wouldn't be wearing the bra for the night. and she doesn't need it for the day.
any thoughts/suggestions? |
How old are the brothers?
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amother
White
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Fri, May 31 2024, 8:09 am
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You need undershirts with a built in shelf. I just want to say I often see it through little girl’s shirts it seems to me parents don’t really notice and I feel so bad for them. These https://www.gap.com/browse/pro.....22012
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Ruchel
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Fri, May 31 2024, 8:34 am
My friends and I didn't wear one until laaaate
Let her free as long as you can
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DrMom
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Fri, May 31 2024, 8:59 am
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Maybe buy her woven rather than knit pajamas. The fabric should be less clingy.
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amother
Orange
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Fri, May 31 2024, 9:22 am
What age do most people start for a regular developing girls she's tall but same kind of development as girls in her class
Age 9? This is for a beginner or something...
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 9:47 am
| amother Almond wrote: | My girls wear an undershirt with a built in bra type of thing. I get them at petit clair.
That said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your daughter walking around in Pj's in front of her brothers. There's nothing to be embarrassed about & please don't teach her that it's embarrassing. |
Calm down, I'm not teaching her that anything is embarrassing. However, she is entitled to some bodily privacy, just as all of us are. I wouldn't walk around in pajamas without a bra in front of just anyone, so why shouldn't I let her know her options??
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 9:49 am
| amother Orange wrote: | What age do most people start for a regular developing girls she's tall but same kind of development as girls in her class
Age 9? This is for a beginner or something... |
9 is young for us, all my girls started developing around 11
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 9:50 am
| DrMom wrote: | | Maybe buy her woven rather than knit pajamas. The fabric should be less clingy. |
Good idea!
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 9:54 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Calm down, I'm not teaching her that anything is embarrassing. However, she is entitled to some bodily privacy, just as all of us are. I wouldn't walk around in pajamas without a bra in front of just anyone, so why shouldn't I let her know her options?? |
This is your personal preference. And you're fully developed, while she's just starting out. By the time she's fully developed, she'll realize on her own if she's uncomfortable walking around in pj's. And she's around her siblings, not around "just anyone."
Your daughter just started developing, she doesn't need a bra yet. By telling her that she may not want to walk around in pajamas, you are teaching her that it's something to be uncomfortable & ashamed about. She's young. Let her be. She has bodily privacy, she's not walking around naked. A young girl that's starting to develope, should not be made to feel that her barely there breast are something she needs to hide. Especially in her own home.
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 10:23 am
| amother Almond wrote: | This is your personal preference. And you're fully developed, while she's just starting out. By the time she's fully developed, she'll realize on her own if she's uncomfortable walking around in pj's. And she's around her siblings, not around "just anyone."
Your daughter just started developing, she doesn't need a bra yet. By telling her that she may not want to walk around in pajamas, you are teaching her that it's something to be uncomfortable & ashamed about. She's young. Let her be. She has bodily privacy, she's not walking around naked. A young girl that's starting to develope, should not be made to feel that her barely there breast are something she needs to hide. Especially in her own home. |
I'm not getting her a bra, I was trying to get ideas and I got some great ideas, such as getting her other pajamas that afford her some more privacy.
Thanks for your concern, but I have and give over a very healthy body image. I'm just getting ideas and got some great ones. Haven't said anything to dd but I do sense she's uncomfortable and am being intuned to her feelings.
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amother
Cherry
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Fri, May 31 2024, 10:25 am
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Would you buy her some new pjs that are loose fitting. Rather then cotton fitted ones.
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amother
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Fri, May 31 2024, 10:49 am
| amother Cherry wrote: | | Would you buy her some new pjs that are loose fitting. Rather then cotton fitted ones. |
Yes, not necessarily loose fitting but a better fabric
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