son's shabbos sheva brochos

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:29 am

Is son's shabbos sheva brochos something one must go to ?
Is it right not to go since your ex-wife is not going (will it embarass her if dad shows when mom can't)?
This means having to sleep in a strange house strange neighborhood since kallah's family is making it.
WWYD?

(asking for a friend)

Pizza

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:37 am

Strange house strange neighborhood is not a good enough reason to not go. A family simcha is a simcha no matter where. It makes me wonder, are there bad feelings with the new DIL? Will the in-laws be there?

OTOH, my parents were not at all the sheva brochos, neither were my inlaws... But they WERE at the shabbos sheva brochos...

catonmylap

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:41 am

I think it's more appropriate to go if the ex-wife is not going. The chosson deserves to have at least one of his parents there. He should go to make the chosson happy.

He can check if there is a hotel/motel within walking distance even if it is a little bit of a walk if staying in a stranger's house makes him so uncomfortable.

dillie ↓

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:43 am

I think it will embarrass the chosson if neither parent is there, more than it will embarrass his mother if her exdh shows.
Strangle house, strange nabe is absolutely no excuse.
This is a no-brainer, in my opinion.

mummiedearest ↓

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:43 am

ask the son if the parent's presence is wanted. if son and dil don't mind, why go?

↑ dillie ↓

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:45 am

mummiedearest wrote:

ask the son if the parent's presence is wanted. if son and dil don't mind, why go?

I think that if someone asks, the chosson will probably say "oh, don't trouble yourself."
that doesn't mean it's what he really feels.

greenfire ↓

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:02 am

okay so there you have it - enough answers to know it would be absurd not to go

for some odd reason this friend I know feels it is unimportant to go to his own & only son's shabbos sheva brochos - he claims he'll be at a couple during the week ... I told him that shabbos is the most important one and that he owes it to his son ... forget the ex-wife and what she can or cannot do - and yes he claims his son doesn't mind ... I say his son merely doesn't want to trouble him ...

and btw - the kallah's family is making this sheva brochos

I'm trying to knock some sense into him - not even sure why What

↑ dillie

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:09 am

I was focusing on his son, not the mechutanim, but now that you mention it-
they will find his behavior both insulting and just plain strange. and it will inevitable color their attitude toward their new son in law a little bit.
not to mention that the kallah will know that her chosson really IS upset, even if he doesn't show it to anyone else, and it will make her furious at her new in-laws.
tell your friend that this simcha is just the beginning of a lifelong relationship. he shouldn't mess it up from the get-go. let him suck it up and attend. act like an adult, for heaven's sake.

↑ mummiedearest

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:11 am

well, not to rock the boat too much, but by the time shabbas sheva brachot rolled around for us I was sick of partying. I told my husband that as soon as sheva brachot were over, we were having dinner, shabbas meals, EVERYTHING at home by ourselves. I felt crowded and over-l'chaimed. I liked the ones where I didn't know anyone really and didn't feel the need to make too much conversation. I was exhausted. so not everyone places such importance on these things.

BUT, if he's not close enough to his son to say that his issues are that he has to stay in a strange place, he'll never know what his son really feels and therefore should attend with a smile.

Rutabaga

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:13 am

I obviously don't know all the family dynamics in this case, but here are my two cents:

Your friend will hopefully have these mechutanim for the rest of his life. He will see them each time his son makes a simcha, whether it's a bris, bar/bat mitzvah or wedding. Why antagonize his mechutanim and dil at the very beginning of their relationship? If he doesn't go to the shabbos sheva brachos that the kallah's family is making in their own neighborhood, then people might misinterpret his behavior. They will think he disapproves of the shidduch. It might make things very awkward for the kallah and her family. Your friend should definitely go unless there are VERY good reasons that he can't.

↑ greenfire

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:14 am

I'm focusing on the son as it is his day his simcha - and the father (& mother) owe it to the son (im(nsh)o) - to glorify his day ... there are no issues between the families b"h - but still it will reflect poorly on the dad ... and the son if none of his family shows up (convenient or not) ... I agree suck it up and go be a hermit a different shabbos ...