The Best Pesach Program

ectomorph ↓

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 7:42 pm

Based on a real ad

Hi. Thank you for writing us.
Our Pesach program is all inclusive ! Tzadikim and Reshaim can enjoy it equally!

When we say all inclusive we mean all inclusive. This means wine and alcohol and medical marijuana and full bars all day long. Please contact the drug dealer discreetly for other drugs.

We do exclude those people who cannot pay for a 10thousand dollar vacation. They should try ordering from Pomegranate, the most expensive store in Brooklyn. It's cheaper.

- Three meals per day in our main restaurant

-Three prayer services per day in our main Jewish prayer chapel (shul)

- An asian fusion restaurant lunch and dinner - don't worry about not recognizing what the food is. The waiter can tell you the correct Bracha.

- Food stands all over the property
-

- Pizza and Ice cream
- Kosher for Pesach of course, but tastes real!

- Taverna / Grill station
- Three grill stations! One for fish, one for meat, and one for Bais Yosef!

- Health food and Poke station
- you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, then you eat more food

- Fast food for kids
- Manna, they're guaranteed to love it!

- Cafe open from the early morning to late night
- And of course for a post- Tikkun chatzos snack!

- Waffle house
- Matzah meal house for those who want to be careful

- Cigar bar
- Vaping included. It's all about the Ruach you breathe.

- Beachfront hookah bar
- From Ruach to Ruchnius!

- Pool and beachfront bars and snackbar
- Separate pools and snack bars. Separate snacks for people who are fleishig, milchig, or pareve

For kids - daycare, shows, attractions and workshops all day long
- they won't even realize it's Pesach

For adults - rich programs including religious services and shiurim, shows, music, workshops, attractions, water sports and entertainment.

- I believe you it's rich

We have 4 outdoor pools (women, men, and 2 family) and a heated indoor pool

- There's no Tennis Court? volleyball court? bris din - Jewish court?

Here is a link to our program brochure.
(Deleted. I am not pointing people to the program.

Isha Yiras Hashem endorsement: Chanukah in Greece! Pesach in Egypt! Purim in Iran! Holocaust remembrance day in Germany! Sukkos in the Sinai desert! And .... Drum roll... Tisha Bav in Bavel or Rome - your choice!

Next year in Jerusalem.