Lets Write the Next Great Frum Novel #2

mommy2379

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 6:43 am

Chaya Chana searched her dresser frantically. She remembered distinctly putting her 7,000 dollar sheital on the Styrofoam head the night before! The top of her dresser was now empty, completely bereft besides for a few hundred thousand dollars in jewelry, a package of mints and a hair brush. Where could it be? She contemplated going down to breakfast in a snood but quickly nixed that. Her family hadn't seen her in anything but a sheital since 2009 and she didn't want to scare them. It was hard enough being quarantined together in their fourteen bedroom mansion, she wouldn't dream of adding to the trauma.
"Chesky?" She called out to her husband. " Chesky, my sheital is missing!"
Chesky appeared in the doorway to their bedroom, his face white as a ghost.
"Chaya Chana...I think, well...I think I know where it might be.".......

amother

Lemon ↓

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 8:04 am

Apparently, Chesky was very bored these days. He unfortunately started reading seforim chitzoinim again. Usually when he sees a woman writer on a book title he stays 6 feet away. This time he gave himself a heter due to the situation.

As he was browsing the book store, he noticed a book titled Enough. Seeing that the book was written by female Riva P he hid it under his cloak..er coat. Yes. It was still cold those days. He came home and hid it beneath his sefurim that his wife Chana Chaya doesn’t touch. Surreptitiously, he slinked into his 1000 foot sefurim room on a nightly basis. Oh was she happy! Such a big tzadik her Chesky has become.

He actually read it 5 times. He was so enamored by the book and decided to take action. Which better place to start that with the wife and her roish. After all the wife is called a bayis and her roish is the most important. While she was sleeping soundly he whisked the $7000 wig off the head and.....hid it

Quietly he slipped back to bed...but not before shredding the book in his paper shredder. After all, even a bad spy knows to hide their evidence.

Now where could he have hidden it....

shaqued_almond ↓

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 2:08 am

Of course neither Chesky nor Chana Chaya would be able to find it. Little Nechami, their five year old daughter had gotten up in the middle of the night to play with it, as she sometimes does. Although her mother had mentioned many times how expensive the shaital was, Nechami had no concept of how much $7000 was. To Nechami the shaital was a toy like any other. Of course she knew that one cannot just take things without paying for them, so she had climbed the shelves of the parve kitchen pantry (not to be confused with their fleishig or milchig kitchen). There she had found a package of mints which she left behind in stead of the shaital.
Chana Chaya had to make due with her cheap $3000 shaital until she found the lost one. "How will I manage? ", she whispered to herself.
Quickly she strode through the corridors to their music room, alas all she could find there was a white grand piano. For a moment she considered expressing her loss in song, but Chana Chaya stopped herself. There was still hope left! She dashed back to her room to retrieve her purse, in it some cash. Without counting, she pushed multiple bills into the pushka. " in the zchus of this tzedaka please let me find my $7000 dollar shaitel! " she prayed with vigor and devotion.
Nechami was beginning to get nervous. She could hear her parents pacing through at least 10 bedrooms. She would have to be quick so she could sneak the wig back into her parents bedroom. Now where was it? Last night she had fallen asleep in it. Nechami rushed to her bed, but in place of the shaital all she could find were three thick tresses of cut off hair.

ExtraCredit ↓

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 5:30 pm

Chesky hid the shaitel in the only place he was sure Chana Chaya never enters. The laundry room. In fact CC has no clue what color the door knob of said room is since she never laid her be-ringed and be-braceleted hands on them. Laundry rooms are for maids and cleaners, not for classy women like her. Besides, laundry! Ughhhh the mere thought of it nauseates a woman of valor!
Anyway so when little Nechami went to put her 550$ dollar dress in the hamper (the cheapest one she owns), she spotted the wig in the green basket. She was pretty surprised that the wig is prepared to be machine washed (by their laundry maid Madeleines, of course), but what does she know? She’s only 5 years old after all. She jumped at the opportunity to get a hold of it without mommy ever knowing. She’d get up midnight to play with it and then just place it right back as soon as she’s done. Ah, the thrill...

Meanwhile, Chana Chaya is sulking around the palace wearing her ugly $3,000 wig when suddenly the doorbell goes off. Huh? Who on earth can this be? Nobody would dare visit without a formal appointment, which gives her a chance to get her face done by makeup artist Fuschia. She also tries to schedule a massage with @Homespaformillionaires a few hours prior to any visit.
But when she opens the 24k gold door of the palace her jaw drops to her 18k gold slippers. Standing at the doorway is none other than—-
Continuation next week

Last edited by ExtraCredit on Mon, Jul 06 2020, 5:35 pm; edited 2 times in total

mamma llama

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 5:55 pm

(Sorry, Surplus! I'm not waiting a week to continue this story! LOL

)

Standing at the doorway was none other than — Genendel the Garlic Knot Fairy! Chana Chaya hadn't eaten oily fast food since her rebellious teenage years. What business could the Garlic Knot Fairy possibly have that would explain her impromptu visit? Uninterested, Chana Chaya attempted to close the door. However, Genendel would not take no for an answer. She proceeded to waltz into Chana Chaya's foyer with her open-toe sandals, implanting a greasy trail across the plush cream carpet.
Furious, Chana Chaya opened her mouth to admonish the unwelcome visitor. With no time to waste, Genendel threw her magical garlic salt in the air; a large garlic knot plugged Chana Chaya's mouth, preventing her from being heard. Forced into silence, Chana Chaya glared at the Garlic Knot Fairy. (Though she had to admit that the garlic knot tasted exquisite...) Suddenly, Chana Chaya noticed something unusual about Genendel's attire. The blood drained from her face. Her last thought before collapsing on the floor, out cold, was Why is Genendel the Garlic Knot Fairy wearing my $7,000 sheitel?

SuperWify

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 6:08 pm

She gasped.

She rubbed her eyes in disbelief.

No. It can’t be.

But it was.

It was her favorite author Reva P. standing in her full glory.

CC nervously patted down her frumpy wig and licked her lips. A bubble of despair filled her stomach with nausea. To be seen out like this! What a horror! By a world renown author no less. Was her children’s shidduchim ruined forever?

But no. Back in BJJ seminary she was taught that “yeshuas hashem keherif ayin.”

All wasn’t lost.

it just couldn’t be.

She composed herself and plastered on her face the brightest fakest smile she could manage. “Reeeeva!” She trilled, “what a pleasant surprise! What a pity you didn’t warn me you were coming, I would’ve had our baker make you my signature sour dough and Belgian waffles. What a pity. Do come in, I’ll see what we can make up for you.”

Reva smiled graciously, “Actually Chaya Chana I don’t like sour dough bread.”

Cc gasped, “b-but it’s in style.” She stuttered.

“I’m actually not here for food. I’m here to interview your husband.”

Cc blushed modestly, “of course you are. Everyone wants to talk to my generous ba’al. You’d never guess how many school buildings he donated in the past 3 months. But of course, you won’t find out because we like to keep it quiet.”

Cc sat down in her silk French sofa and slipped her toes out of her Gucci slides. She realized she was circling her manicured toes because she was nervous and she really hoped she wouldn’t flop this.

Reva cleared her throat, “actually I was asked to write a novel in the men’s magazine Gevuras Gever and I wanted to ask my best male readers what they thought would be a good topic to explore. Your husband emailed me regarding my last book so I know he appreciated it.”

Cc couldn’t answer because her mouth was hanging open from shock. It was then that she fainted.

↑ shaqued_almond

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 6:46 pm

"Imaaaa!" , Nechami screamed at the top of her lungs, " I have done something really baaaad. "
Nechami knew she had to confess that the 7000 dollar wig was stuck in the basket and had almost been washed in the machine. But in the living room she suddenly saw her mother's body on the albino cow rug, motionless. Nechami couldn't believe her eyes. Who was this strange woman bending over her mother's head?
Reva patted Ccs cheek to wake her up. "She's unresponsive. ", reva informed the hatzola over the phone.
"Don't worry we're on our way. ", the Emt said.
Suddenly, CC began to move.
"Ge-Genendel? ", CC asked ,still partially asleep.