cleaning up after kids?

mugsisme ↓

Tue, Sep 11 2007, 2:17 pm

I am a SAHM with KA"H 6 kids living at home. My youngest is 18 months, and it goes up to 17. The two older teens have long hours at school. Is it unreasonable to expect the kids to pick up after themselves? Like, when they eat breakfast they should throw away their bowls and spoons (disposable), and put their cereal and placemats away? Or to pick up the towels off the floor after the shower and hang them up? I tell them, nag them, ask them, what ever. Sometimes they do it, sometimes not. Today I walked into the bathroom, and there are 3 wet towels on the floor! Am I the maid because I am home? How do you all get your kids to help in the house. (I am NOT talking chores, because that they do. Empty the garbage, dishwasher, etc. They do that.) It is just all the little things that are driving me batty. I sort of feel that if I come and do it after them, then they will learn they don't have to do it. But if I don't do it, it doesn't get done and DH is extremely upset with the way the house looks.

Leah

happymom ↓

Tue, Sep 11 2007, 2:44 pm

the only thing that will help is postive reinforcement. whenver anyone does something u like PRAISE them and thank them. tell them how nice it is that they care about the house and makes it easier for u when they do it. try and do it in front of others at times, so they feel they want to help out too. noone listens (at least they dont like to and "forget") when they are nagged.....

I hope this helps cuz I know its annoying cleaning up after others... but certain things I think should be left alone, like if the kids usually clean up and one time dont, I wouldnt mention it because at least they do it most of the time etc..

if you see the kids left a towl on the floor, u can just calmly go over and say honey could you please pick up that towel, I like it alot better when its hung up and then give them a kiss... thats also being positive and will help them start doing it...

cindy324 ↓

Tue, Sep 11 2007, 2:48 pm

I have no solutions for you because I am looking for one myself LOL

I have 3 kids and the two older ones, 8 and 12, don't understand the concept of "if you opened it , you close it, if you took it out of the fridge , you put it back, if you're done with it, put it away, etc.

It's like talking to the four walls. My oldest constantly takes out stuff from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, I walk in and the cabinet doors are wide open. She takes clothes out from the drawer, the drawer is left open. They take out juice or soda from the fridge , pour themselves a drink, and leave the juice out. Their wet towels get thrown on the floor in their room, they don't put away their clothes, instead I find them the next morning either on the floor crumpled up, or them sleeping on top of them because they threw it on the bed and never bothered removing it before they went to sleep

My DH has a collection of socks and clothes thrown around the floor next to his bed, his shoes are all over the house.

Yep, I feel like the hired housekeeper, rather than the wife and mother...sigh

mimivan

Tue, Sep 11 2007, 6:55 pm

happymom wrote:

I can vouch for happymom's chinuch! I have actually seen her daughter run into a kitchen and grab a towel to clean up her little baby brother when he spat up! So sweet and so responsible bli ayin hara!

↑ cindy324

Tue, Sep 11 2007, 11:31 pm

I get what you're saying happymom, and I really have to put my mind to it to implement it. Truth is, it's very hard to stay positive and say positive things when you've just picked up their stuff from the floor for the upteenth time. I get so frustrated , because I clean up spotless, then they come home from school and 10 minutes later it looks worse than before I cleaned it up.

Quote:

I hate feeling resentful, and I hate the way my house looks like a dump.

Ha, and I thought my house was the only one that looked like that! I always wonder when I walk into some people's houses how everything is all neat and in it's place. Makes me feel like I'm the only one who can't get her act together.

↑ mugsisme

Sun, Sep 16 2007, 7:22 pm

happymom wrote:

the only thing that will help is postive reinforcement.

Sorry, but I didn't see your post until you did the other one.

I tried your suggestion eruv yom tif. It worked beautifully. One DD worked very hard, doing all kinds of extra chores (mopping the floor, washing the leather couch, etc) without being asked. I praised her over and over again telling her how helpful it was.

Don't think your post went to waste or was ignored Happymom.

Rosehill, HI! Yes, I did sew a lot. I made matching outfits for the girls, and a challah which I am thrilled beyond words with! I wish there was a section here where we could talk about sewing. I will post to tefira about the stuff.

Leah

amother ↓

Sun, Sep 16 2007, 7:56 pm

Yes, positive reinforcement is the way to go. A special treat every once in a while works too (a candy, cookie, something they normally don't get) My oldest (10 years) has been a helper since she was a year old. She threw a diaper in the garbage and we all screamed "YEAH" and clapped really loudly. She hasn't stopped helping since. Her siblings have caught on, too! Even my baby (15 mos) picked up a broom the other day and tried to sweep...very cute. Whatever they see the older ones doing, the little ones want to do too.

My kids do the following:
--Pick up their laundry, clean out their hampers, and put it in the laundry room. The older ones can sort colors, too. Clean laundry is placed in baskets in front of their dressers, which my 5, 7, 8, and 10 year olds put away for themselves and my 3 yr old and baby.
--They set the Shabbos table.
--They pick up their rooms.
--The olders ones make lunches for themselves and the little ones.
--Sweep and mop (they love to mop...the water is great fun!)
--Picking up toys, books, etc. all around the house.
--cleaning their playroom.
--The older ones will change diapers (for a treat, of course!)

(They also know anyhting left out that they haven't picked up will be taken away for a few days. A little mean, but no one wants to lose the favorite toy or sweater, so it really works!)

My kids love to help out and we make it fun for them (music in the background really works!). Plus, they are learning great skills and how to be responsible for their belongings (My parents never gave me a single chore...I had such a hard time learning how to do even simple things when I got married!)

Make them feel really good about themselves, don't nag or argue, and give a little treat or something every so often! I hope this helps

Tamiri

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 5:28 pm

I have children ages 2+ to 22. Currently all are at home. I think they are quite helpful, but it's a long uphill climb to get them this way and you can never let up and take the role of slave even if it seems easier some days.
In our times, parents are so afraid of making their kids angry, or damaging their self esteem, that the parents are run ragged and the kids celebrate. They need to take personal responsibility if they want the privilege of living in your home. Yes, privilege - you don't owe them too much besides food, clothing and a place to sleep.
f there is something in the house which needs to be done, I tell them. If they decide not to do it, there are consequences. If their laundry is not put in the machine when I ask, it doesn't get done. If the room they sleep in is not picked up by the time I have stated, they can't leave the house. I won't change linens in a messy room. If their bathroom is not cleaned to my exacting specs, the one in charge of cleaning cannot go out on Friday (our free day) until it's ready. I try not to say: do this or else. It's plain "do it because it needs to be done". No arguments. I chauffeur, I shop, I cook, I pay bills, I launder, I do errands, they owe it to me to participate in running the household. They are members here. We do our children a great disservice by not "allowing" them to be part of our home work-force.
For the 2+ year old: I have asked him time and again to put his shoes in a specific place when he removes them, and not just leave them lying around to get lost. One day, we were on the way to see horses and he could not find his sandals because he had not put them away. He missed out going with us that day and ever since he does remember to put the sandals away (I remind him and he does it).
After dinner, I leave the kitchen and expect the kids to work out who does what. I don't care who does the work, as long as it's not me.
If they don't brush their teeth in the am, I call them back regardless of them being late for school. If they forget something in school, they have to run back and get it (we are 2 minutes away). Real life has consequences, and it's never too early to begin teaching that.
Positive reinforcement is great, if it works for you. However, many times you have to keep upping the ante to keep it working (bigger and better prizes). No one praises adults for doing what they should, kids need to know that the have to get the job done, regardless of praise. In addition, it takes them just moments to get some of the tasks you described done; a long day of school should not interfere with this.
If one of my kids had stuff in the med cabinet and kept leaving the doors open, I would remove his stuff from that closet and not allow him to use it (until he could remember). Very simple. If they leave towels on the floor, then that's what they will have to use next time they wash: stinky damp towels. They will surely learn quickly enough. Make sure there are no spare towels for them to take.....
This may seem cruel but it's actually the way most pre baby-boomers the world over were brought up (before the crazy pop psych of the 60s and 70s). There did not used to be such lazy, spoiled children, and American children have the dubious honor of being top-ranking in the laziness area....

↑ amother

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 5:40 pm

happymom wrote:

I am sorry. I don't see kibbud Av vEm here, I see kibbud Yeladim. Where is the part that the kids are thanking the parents for having a house in the first place, and showing gratitude by keeping it in decent shape? What is the exact psychology here? Does it work on kids older than young children? And what does it do besides teach them that Mommy is a shmatta who needs to beg them (albeit nicely) to do the job?

↑ happymom ↓

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 8:27 pm

Quote:

you don't owe them too much besides food, clothing and a place to sleep.

and emotional needs to be met

Quote:

Hu? Im sorry but I totally disagree with you. ALL PEOPLE should be respected. YES kids NEED to respect thier parents! they need to show gratitude, talk nicely listen, and honor thier parents.

HOW is a parent going to get thier child to LISTEN and RESPECT and HONOR them, they way the torah wants them to???

By BEING POSITIVE. positve does NOT mean never telling a child what they did wrong. what it does mean is instead of saying bad girl (which is negative, making the child feel like a bad person) what they should be told is, what you DID isnt the right way. You are such a good girl, and a girl like you KNOWS the right way etc... and discuss what the better options are.

It is a fact thyat whatever u want ure kids to do, you have to do yourself! how do u expect ure kids to learn to speak nicely if you dont speak nicely to them? same with any other mida. Of course a mother does not HAVE to speak nicely to kids, but the question here was

HOW can I get my kdis to clean up after themselves. PEople of all ages, (and kids are included in that Wink

) do things when they are spoken to like people. with respect, and nicely. they are motivateed by praise...

I do this with my daughter and just by the way she is always thanking me, being polite, and heling me out and she is only two and a half! Its just that when I need her to do something I say it kindly and dont yell at her, which is never good imo.