Wierd epsiode... | Imamother

miriamnechama

Mon, Aug 27 2007, 9:05 am

my inlaws came for shabbos and it was very nice.

They have a familly friend who never go married, she's 38 and quite frankly I feel pressure around her when I by my inlaws. she says things like I have to where my shaitel all the time etc even when I don't feel like it!! anyways she called thursday but coulddn't get back to her I wondered what she would want. I was hoping that she hadn't heard that il's were coming and that she would want to come too.

ok shabbos passed nicely and she called me yesterday, she wanted to pop in between some meeting with a shadchan. so it wasn't such a good time for me I wanted to put the kids to bed. so I told her it's a bad time. well she said I have no where to be and I don't feel like being outside. (she could have gone to the mall close by) so I said ok but I really can't sit and chat.

well she came over, and in the end I kinda felt bad so I ended up doing something in her vicinty ie sorting out the books. we talked and she started telling me her woes about shidduchim that I can't help her with, how she want a guy who doesn't seem to want her. and that it's not so simple to marry someone with children if you were never married.

then the conversation continued to shabbos ands he had a bit of a cheek too say well had I have know il's were there I would have come too!! and then later she thought to stay the night but I told her I'm going to bed really early so it's not a good idea. really I didn't want cuz also I want tos pend time with dh and also cuz I have chugim and have a test to study for and I didn't want to be tied down to her. she's a teacher and still on vacation. before she left she said one day I'll come just for you... I told her to call first.

well my mil told me to keep the boundaries cuz I really can't cope with extras and also I feel pressure when she's around. and I can't have her coming over eg when I have to go to a class or the mikva, the last thing I need is "oh I'll come with you" and if I say no she'll get offended. she get's offended very easilly, but what can you do,she's not married and also I don't need her lagging after me all the time. what do you think??

Mimisinger

Mon, Aug 27 2007, 9:16 am

Is there a way that you can introduce her to other single women or to help he get involved in a group or something? Just because you're single doesn't mean that you can infringe on others lives. It's very hard to be alone and surely you shouldn't write her off, but I have plenty of single friends (older too) that are hard to get a hold of b/c they're so busy! It sounds like, sadly, she needs some friends Sad