I AM MAAAAAAD!!!!!!

amother ↓

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 7:27 pm

8 yr. old daughter is throwing a tantrum and doesn't know when to stop. She forgot her homework in school and she wants me to write a note to the teacher. Now if this would happen once in a while I wouldn't mind. But it's the 3-rd time this week so I'm not writing her that note. I feel bad for her but she has to learn to be responsible. Feel like crying myself Crying

Dh just walked in and he's just making the situation worse. He's trying to be very helpful and giving her all kinds of advice like he'll go pick it up from a friend and photocopy it. She'll never learn and I feel like "plotzing". I locked myself in my room and let him take care of the kids now.

redhot ↓

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 8:03 pm

she is only 8!! she is a little girl! cut her some slack. She is your daughter, you are suppossed to take care of her and protect her from everything. She will learn responsibility by figuring out a way to do her homework another way. It seems to me that your husband is a wonderful parent.

technic

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 8:08 pm

sthillmom wrote:

cut her some slack....

sthill nothing personal but....cant u pls cut the OP some slack 2? Sad

she said she feels bad 4 her daughter, she said SHE feels like crying, and she said shes trying 2 teach her daughter responsibility - that sounds like someone who is trying 2 do what she thinks is the best thing...even tho u may not agree w her!!!

Last edited by technic on Thu, Feb 08 2007, 3:29 am; edited 1 time in total

faigie

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 8:14 pm

I wonder, many 8 year olds get a HW sheet for the week.
could you see if you could connect to the morah to get the assignments for the week.

↑ redhot

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 8:24 pm

technic wrote:

sthillmom wrote:

cut her some slack....It seems to me that your husband is a wonderful parent.

sthill nothing personal but....cant u pls cut the OP some slack 2? Sad

she said she feels bad 4 her daughter, she said SHE feels like crying, and she said shes trying 2 teach her daughter responsibility - that doesnt sound like a lacking parent 2 me, it sounds like someone who is trying 2 do what she thinks is the best thing...even tho u may not agree w her!!!

I removed the last part from my comment almost immedietly after I posted it. please dont quote that since I edited it right away.

avigayil

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 8:35 pm

I think the OP has the right idea.
Kids need to learn responsibility. At the age of 8, a kid is capable of bringing home her homework.
Now, if she keeps forgetting, you can always work on organizational skills with her.

In the meantime OP, let your dh deal with her tantrum.

mumoo

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 8:57 pm

While a parent usually has a very good sense of what her child can handle, sometimes we have a skewed perspective.

Why is dd forgetting homework? It doesn't sound like she davka doesn't pay attention; maybe she has real trouble with focusing and paying attention.

I know the mother instinct says "let her fail, then she'll learn" and it isn't completely wrong, but if a girl truly has issues that may be beyond her control, the best thing for a parent is to foster as many school successes as possible.

A lot of executive functioning skills (organization, planning, goal setting, etc) are late to mature, she may just grow out of it. Does the teacher see a need for interventions?

ChavieK

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 9:10 pm

OP, You are right. 3rd graders get hw & should be responsible for bringing it home.Although with one of mine I found that a lot of kids kept "forgetting" the hw, Turned out the teacher assigned it then the kids were supposed to put it in the backpacks later. By then they all forgot. The teacher realized the problem & started reminding the kids to "pack-up". If there is nothing else going on,she loses recess or some other cosequence maybe then she will be more responsible about it.

greenfire ↓

Wed, Feb 07 2007, 10:48 pm

I can't help but think of my own 16 yr old - who definately has especially school issues. Dif people/kids have dif problems. Some are forgetful cause they are careless and others cause they just can't focus. Her teacher needs to help out with a plan. Yes it takes 3 - school, parent & child - you are a team. Teacher helps by reminding - and gives smiley face when she comes back next day with hw. You help remind and give her sticker when she brings home. And hopefully in turn she will learn not to forget. It is not easy but will make things easier in the long run. She may need an Individual Education Plan (IEP) and the school is responsible to make sure she has one in place if you request & the board of education is responsible to help you if you request.

Imaonwheels

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 9:52 am

Writing the note is a very uneducational act. Consequences are the best teachers. The parent should only protect the child from normal consequences if the teacher goes objectively overboard. She also knows the kid is 8, sheesh.

I have no prob w/dh offering solutions but prefer trying to get her to come up with them. Under no circumstances should anyone call the friend for her.

shanie5 ↓

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 3:27 pm

actually, I would write the note and say in it 'For the third time this week my dd has not brought her hw home from school. Please let her take the consequences of her actions. and can you please try to remind her to bring it home today. thank you'

↑ greenfire

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 3:32 pm

What the note should say is that my dd has trouble bringing home her work can you help remind her. The teacher has a job too. Also a phone call is more valuable than a note or even talk to the teacher in person - again this child sounds like she needs help so she can be productive not blamed for her inabilities.

↑ shanie5

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 3:44 pm

to me, it sounds like my kid who forgets sometimes cuz they are in a rush to lleave school. B"H for us that school is 2 blocks away and opened for 1 hour after school ends-so they just have to walk back and get it (that doies help them to remember better in the future.

withhumor

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 5:47 pm

OP how did your night end? When dh tries to ‘help’ by questioning your authority in front of the kids, it does make a woman feel like she wants to bury herself alive – (((hugs)))

To all posters, OP didn’t post to find out if she was right or wrong with how it happened with her kid. She’s venting about her dh!

↑ amother

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 9:37 pm

OP here - Yeah, maybe I should have posted it by the emotional section.

So here's the happy ending...Later I went to an inspiring shiur about good communication. When I came home I sat down and discussed with dh what I would like him to do next time when something happens. And we lived happily ever after....

Btw, dd came home from school today saying that she made a mistake. She thought she had homework yesterday but she didn't LOL

BrachaVHatzlocha

Thu, Feb 08 2007, 9:51 pm

it can be hard for an 8 year old to remember. make sure she has a homework pad or sheet, fills it in. Tell her to put books she needs in her briefcase right away when told the homework.