ttc#0 | Imamother

robynm

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 1:51 pm

This is for you.....
You know who you are

how do I share
a feeling
I cannot express
it burns me inside
it rips me apart
I feel so alone
so lost
not being
who I am
supposed to be

my mission
my reason
my goal
my purpose

to conceive
to carry
to nourish
to deliver
to envelope
to raise
to give
to love

unconditional
forever

I am a mother with no child. ttc#0.
I am a mother in my heart.
One day.
One day.

I will be a mother to a special child.
One day....

amother ↓

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 2:21 pm

I bh can't relate but it's written in a way we can at least try to understand the feelings of a woman yearning for children. Written really well robynm. I like your style.

-Debra

mimismile

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 2:24 pm

beautiful! brought tears to my eyes!

busydev ↓

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 2:24 pm

I dont think its written to understand women who dont have children yet.

its written for women who arent TRYING to have children. ttc#0?????

unless you mean an unmarried woman thats trying to get married and have kids.

It does describe alot of the feelings of a married woman who is trying but then whats with the ttc#0 part???

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 2:28 pm

Im sorry- I dont understand the poem or what TTC#0 means. Can someone explain?

MaBelleVie

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 2:36 pm

busydev wrote:

Some women on this site have been married but are not any longer. Or, they are still married but can't ttc for various reasons. My heart goes out to all those who are longing for children, whatever their life circumstances.

↑ busydev ↓

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 4:37 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

busydev wrote:

thats true.
im sorry.
I guess I was just thinking of my situation and the situation of those I tend to talk to.

↑ busydev

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 4:40 pm

amother wrote:

Im sorry- I dont understand the poem or what TTC#0 means. Can someone explain?

ttc means trying to concieve. ttc#0 means that you arent- but would like to based on the poem.

(ttc#1 means trying to concieve a first child. ttc#2 means the second etc etc)

and the poem is describing someone who wants to be a mother but isnt. and in this particular case its because she cant try for whatever reason. (thank you MaBelleVie for clarifing it for me) (this is not someone going thru fertility treatments that would be ttc#1)

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 4:42 pm

I think writings on this topic can be very comforting for women who for whatever reason are unable to conceive, be it they are not allowed for medical reasons or be it infertility etc.

DH and I were trying to conceive for a long while. There were months that were really tough and I often found it therapeutic to read about experiences others were going through too so you know you're not alone, especially when you have chosen not to share your difficulties with anyone (even parents).

At one stage, I decided to write too. Not trying to hijack your thread, but thought it could create a nice collection of writings that women in this position might want to read.

Hope you don't mind me sharing....

When I wake each day and look around
My tidy apartment makes me proud
But eyes always draw me to one spot
The place I'm longing to put a baby's cot

When I start to get up and get dressed
If something brushes past my breast
It stirs me to yearn and to plead
Because I'm longing to have a baby to feed

When I look in the mirror at my clothes
Some are drab; I probably should dispose
But I've no motivation to purchase more
Because I'm longing to shop in a maternity store

When I daven each morning it comes to mind
That with a baby this time'd be hard to find
But that spurs me to say one kapitel or another
Because I'm longing to finally become a mother

When I'm sitting at the breakfast table
There's a bottle of pills with folic acid on the label
I feel like I've been taking these for ages
I'm longing to be at the twelve week stages

When I leave the house each day for work
On every corner Mums and strollers do lurk
I take note of whether it's a Quinny or Bugaboo
Because I'm longing to be part of the motherhood club too

When I get on the bus in the morning rush
The journey's not smooth; I feel nauseous
I wonder what it'd be like if this feeling was constant
Because I'm longing for the symptoms of being pregnant

When the car in front proudly displays a sign
"Baby on board"; it makes me yearn and pine
For such a sign I too wish to display
Because I'm longing to be a mother one day

When I learn tanach, story after story
The different names stand out, each in its glory
I think of each name, its sound and its meaning
I'm longing to name a baby showing the thanks we are feeling

When a friend or relative gives birth
The simcha’s so great, there’s a new neshama on earth
I take a glance in the mirror as I cradle the little one
Because I’m longing to see what I’d look like with daughter or son

When I think of all these thoughts I’ve put into words
I realise that each individual has a unique story to be heard
Mundane things around them, people’s comments - these generate emotions
So I’m longing to be more sensitive to others, their feelings, their notions

When I take stock of what G-d’s blessed me with in life
It makes me so grateful; I’ve had little strife
I have a wonderful husband, family, friends and neighbourhood
But ultimately I’m longing to fulfil my dream, my aspiration of motherhood

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 4:42 pm

beautiful, moving. I can relate to the pain of not being allowed to ttc (at the moment). The pain of taking my bc pill every night is even stronger on mikva night. Crying

↑ amother

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 6:06 pm

Those poems are both so beautiful. I'm tearing up Crying

sequoia

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 6:16 pm

Thanks.

Beautiful.

the world's best mom

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 6:35 pm

It's so nice when a person's feelings can be so beautifully expressed in poetry. It helps the person feel better, and helps everyone else understand- at least somewhat- what it may feel like to be going through the same thing. These are my favorite type of poems. This is a great thread.

nechami1

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 6:38 pm

I think writing can really help you express suppressed or difficult emotions...