Onaas Devarim | Imamother

yehudis

Thu, Feb 10 2005, 9:09 pm

From Miriam Adahan's book Sticks and Stones

Quote:

"You shall not wrong one another, but shall fear your G-d..." (Vayikra 25:17)

This refers to hurting others with words. Rashi comments that intention is pivotal. In other words, ona'as devarim means a deliberate intention to hurt, mock, demean, demoralize, shame or undermine...

According to Pele Yoetz, any intentional act which causes pain to another is considered ona'as devarim (Erech Ona'ah). While we do not want to turn every unintentional slight into a major sin, we must be as careful as humanly possible not to hurt others...

"Shaming another in public is akin to murder. The pain of shame is worse than death." (Bava Metzia 58b)

Shaming anyone, in public or not, is a grave sin. Many people mistakenly believe that lashon hara (evil speech) refers only to negative statements made about people behind their backs. In truth, any word or gesture which shames another is considered lashon hara...

Whether one indulges in lashon hara about a person in his presence, or in his absence, or makes statements which, if repeated, would hurt him physically or distress or alarm him -- all this is evil lashon hara. (Rambam, Hilchos De'os 7:5, ibid. 7:2)...

One of the ways by which a person acquires Torah is by displaying the trait of nosei b'ol im chavero [to shoulder the emotional burden of others, to feel their pain as if it is one's own] (Pirkei Avos 6:6). To be a nosei b'ol is the exact opposite of ona'as devarim, and is a trait we must cultivate in our homes and schools.