Refusing to wear glasses

↑ Chayalle ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:35 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I've been wearing glasses since I was a very young girl. I'm wearing the same pair for I don't know how many years now, definitely before covid.

I still budgeted for my daughter's social emotional needs to have lenses for cosmetic reasons and even more for specialty contacts for my other daughter's medical needs.

Just like you find the money for braces, you find the money (or work it out with her financially) for her to be able to see in whatever way she'll agree. And I don't buy brand name backpacks every 2 years for social needs or any other shtussim like that. But usually you can find decent pricing on monthlies, it may cost less than a cell phone plan, definitely less than a mishpacha subscription, and have your daughter see and feel confident.

I remember my mother explaining to my father (she didn't even wear glasses) when I was a kid that I couldn't just get the free ugly plastic glasses insurance paid for in the 90s and they should let me choose from the wire frames that everyone my age were wearing even if they had to pay something out of pocket. Girls need to feel good about themselves when they're going to be wearing something so prominent every single day.

One of my daughters got glasses at a young age (IIRC she was in the second grade). There was one other girl in her class wearing glasses - she had gotten them as a toddler - and I remember her mother called me up that night saying her daughter is so excited that another girl in the class got glasses. Even at that age they are self-conscious.

I can't tell you how many pairs we went thru those years. I got warrantied pairs so that if they broke within the year, we got a free replacement. Happened all the time. The fell, someone stepped on them, she got hit by a ball during gym, etc.....her childhood was a trail of pairs of glasses.

Plus of course her prescription changed.

Getting her contacts was a blessing. When a pair ripped, there was another pair. I didn't have to schedule time to take her for a new pair of glasses. When she was running low there was always plenty of time to order more, it never had to be an emergency. I found it to be convenient and overall cheaper. Getting them contacts was only a matter of when they were ready - our eye doctor told us, around age 13 or 14. I see people here got them younger, I guess every eye doctor has their own philosophy.

I just don't get OP's resistance to this. Yeah, go down to her school, there may be a girl or two in glasses. In my DD's high school yearbook there is even one girl wearing them (she happens to have alot of personality and is her own self, and likes them, but that's HER choice). So you are going to force your daughter to be that one girl? Tell me, if there's one girl who has a really expensive designer backpack in the $300 range or more, does she get to be that girl too? No? So let her be normal. Most normal teens get contacts.

amother

Ballota ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:25 am

Chayalle wrote:

I'm sorry but 14 year olds don't wear glasses to school. They wear contacts. I'm sorry you wasted money on a pair of glasses.
Contacts are actually (IMVHO) much cheaper to wear than lenses. I have found this to be true with 3 DD's who all wear contacts. It's like you are getting way more for your money. I found that glasses always were breaking and needing replacement/repair...with contacts you get tons of pairs, you can get a discount plan or go with someone who can get them for you cheaper, there are tons of options. You always have a backup. Overall we found we saved money with contacts, and that includes my teen who has a smaller and different eye shape and needed to order a specialty size. Unless she is supersensitive, she can get the monthly contacts and you get like 2 years worth for the price of a pair of glasses.

What does this mean?? Half my 14 year old’s class wears glasses to school. I live in the same place as you, really have no idea what you are saying.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:29 am

amother Ballota wrote:

What does this mean?? Half my 14 year old’s class wears glasses to school. I live in the same place as you, really have no idea what you are saying.

High school is usually the age where they start wearing contacts. That's been my experience. And some are getting them even earlier. They really don't walk around in glasses all day. Maybe some girls who only need it for the board bring them and put them on for Math class.
It's an occupational hazard to wear glasses if you need them for constant vision. That's been my experience with 3 daughters in the Lakewood school system. All of them got contacts by around 9th grade or so, if not sooner (sometimes depended when they got that appointment, but there was definitely no plan that they would have to wear glasses for 3-4 years of high school. )

amother

↑ Ballota

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:34 am

Chayalle wrote:

We get really nice stylish ones and we see plenty in our school. Never heard of this.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:37 am

It’s not about who’s right. It’s about a parent caring that her child is going around with very poor eyesight. As a parent you care about your child’s quality of life. We usually do whatever we can (within limits of course) to make things better for our children.
She made a mistake by agreeing to the expensive frames. She thought she would be okay wearing them. Apparently she’s not okay with it.
She’s not a bad child for not wearing her glasses. Had she been given the glasses to wear as a young child, she would have been used to wearing them.
She’s at a very vulnerable age. At this age they care very much about their appearance. No matter how much you tell her that she looks good in her glasses, it won’t help. In her mind- it makes her look NOT PRETTY. So she would rather walk around with very unclear vision.
She’s being very stubborn but I see that she got that trait from you. You won’t budge. She for sure won’t budge. But you’re the adult. You’re the parent who has to take care of a teenage child.
Perhaps she can pay for part of the expense if she has her own money?
It’s not like it costs $5,000. It can be even less than $200 depending on what you buy.
She’ll probably end up wearing her glasses at some point but that will only happen if she first has lenses.
You are not teaching your child anything by refusing to purchase the lenses. You tried but it’s not working. If you help her purchase lenses HAPPILY she will learn from you about being flexible and she will understand that you care very much for her and understand her emotional needs.

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:43 am

mha3484 wrote:

Not everyone tolerates lenses. I have worn glasses since third grade and when I tried contacts in high school I seemed to have inherited my fathers allergy to soft lenses and I did not want the hard lenses so glasses it is. Its not good to be so rigid that its contacts or be blind because you may not even like the contacts or they end up not agreeing with you. OP comes off as overly rigid but also does her daughter.

A 14 year old child is absolutely NOT rigid for wanting a normal thing like contact lenses. It's a necessity, not a luxury. A parent the refuses to get their child contacts, is rigid & controlling. I can't wrap my head around it.

amother

Darkblue ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:01 am

amother OP wrote:

I am pretty stubborn about not buying things I cannot afford, true.

I can talk to the school guidance counselor for advice.
I can sign her up for insurance covered therapy to talk about social issues.
I can not allow her to learn for a driver's permit until she wears her glasses.
I can see if insurance covers a pair of glasses that she likes better.
But I cannot buy her lenses.

This is so disturbing. You would rather have her in therapy for social issues that you are creating than finding out a way to pay for lenses. I really feel bad for your daughter. Shes 14 a vulnerable age where shes self conscious about her face. And you want to force her to wear glasses when half the world wears contacts. Its like insisting on pads vs tampons. Help your daughter be comfortable in whichever method works for her! I highly suggest therapy for yourself to work on tour stubbornness.

amother

↑ Sunflower ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:17 am

mha3484 wrote:

If OPs daughter tries the contacts and for a variety of possible reasons does not like them or gets a negative reaction will she go back to refusing to wear glasses? That's what I meant by rigid. My mother was happy to let me try and I would let my own kids try them but you have to accept that it may not work for you and be able to make the best of it.

Every time someone in my family got lenses, they got trial pairs from the doctor to see what’s comfortable and works. You don’t just plop down money for contacts without getting the best ones for your eyes.

↑ notshanarishona ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:17 am

I think a lot of this also depends where you live. Out of town, in any given class, I see approximately a 1/3 of the class is wearing glasses. Contacts are only starting some point in high school, in middle school I think I have seen maybe 3 students wearing contacts in my 7th/8th grade class (and yes I notice because I teach swimming and I know which girls will only go underwater with goggles because of contacts). For a kid to insist on only contact’s , I would consider that a luxury/ being spoiled.
It sounds like in town the reality is different and most girls wear contacts so in that case I would splurge but make your daughter pay for some of it since she isn’t even giving the glasses that you just spent a lot on a try.

amother

↑ Sunflower ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:19 am

Chayalle wrote:

Agree. When I was in 8th grade a girl in my class needed glasses and she got contacts cuz she never had glasses and wanted to look the same.

amother

↑ Sunflower ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:21 am

notshanarishona wrote:

I’m out of town also and my teens have contacts and so do their friends. They also have glasses. And for some it depends on medical reasons, like some need special glasses or contacts.
Edited to add you don’t know, in a classrooms, who has contacts unless you’re in their face and staring at the eyeball. But out of town many girls are wearing contacts in high school.

amother

↑ Eggshell

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:27 am

Funny story (at least from pov of this thread) my younger dd didn't need glasses/contacts until she was 16. I assumed she would go straight into contacts, especially I, her sister and one brother wore them. She insisted on glasses! We made a deal. I would get her glasses but she had to learn to wear contacts too, and wear them to chasunos. Etc. She agreed. Within a couple of weeks she was wearing contacts most of the time. Now (a few years later) she never wears the glasses as she says her vision is better contacts. (BTW, this is my own experiences too.)

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:30 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Even if girls do wear glasses to school, when it's comes to a simcha, most girls do wear contacts. Especially older teens.