Why are we over therapizing our children

amother

Nectarine ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:38 am

Full disclosure, I didn't read through the whole thread, but I am baffled by the notion of sending kids with ADHD to a social worker for therapy (unless you meant a different kind of therapy like OT or language). Same with asd (although I can see possibly using a social worker for social skills therapy, but that still will not address the underlying issue so it doesn't make much sense to me either.)

A social worker for ADHD is like going to a cardiologist when you need brain surgery.

I agree with OP, most things can and should be dealt with with good parenting. I do think that empowering parents and giving them the confidence to parent children is a major factor here. And I agree that with all the psychobabble we read about in the forum magazines, we have robbed parents of that confidence. (It's almost like the frum magazines are just an advertisement for therapy).

Is there a place for therapy sometimes? Of course. In the case of trauma or abuse therapy can often be beneficial. But the majority of problems should not be seen as catastrophic. A brilliant social worker once said to me "what you mention, you strengthen".

amother

↑ DarkMagenta ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:53 am

amother Narcissus wrote:

Full disclosure, I didn't read through the whole thread
-

Is there a place for therapy sometimes? Of course. In the case of trauma or abuse therapy can often be beneficial. But the majority of problems should not be seen as catastrophic. A brilliant social worker once said to me "what you mention, you strengthen".

It’s not always what you mention you strengthen. That can be true if you start talking about the pimple on someone’s nose that I hardly noticed and now you’re making it get bigger and bigger until I can’t look away. It doesn’t mean we should sweep our kids problems under the rug.
Sometimes they need more than a parent can do to give them the confidence and skills to deal with things. Sending a child to a therapist doesn’t mean you’re seeing something as a catastrophe. A good therapist will help you or your child see that what might seem catastrophic is actually a manageable part of life that they can deal with.

amother

Red ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

I see this on here constantly and it’s been bothering me for a while. For every little issue a mother presents of her child, the immediate reaction is to get a professional involved and send child to therapy.

I know I'm coming late to this thread, and I haven't read the other replies, but ever since seeing this posted it's been on my mind. I feel I should share my experience.

I once thought like you, and judged other parents for running their kids off to every type of therapy. In my case, I judged them why it seemed every other kid was in Early Intervention and getting speech therapy, physical therapy, etc. I went on about speech therapy in particular.

Like you, I used to speak out about my opinions openly, saying "Give kids a chance to develop, not everything is an issue requiring professional intervention." I used to run my mouth saying things like, "When I was a child, nobody needed all this intervention..."

Instead of trusting the parents and professionals that they knew what they were doing.

Well, guess what? Every single one of my children required speech therapy, and in fact needed it beyond the ages of Early Intervention. A few had speech issues into High School.

My takeaway is to not make assumptions about what you do not know, and certainly not to judge. I learned my lesson the hard way. I hope you will learn from me, which is the easy way.

amother

↑ Nectarine

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:42 pm

amother Red wrote:

Oh no I absolutely agree with you. There is absolutely a need for OT and speech therapy for kids. I was talking specifically about what people refer to as "therapy" as in seeing a social worker which I assumed is what OP was referring to. But maybe I was wrong.

I happen to be a speech therapist Very Happy

amother

↑ Maroon

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:48 pm

amother Maize wrote:

The recent event has nothing to do with child therapy, completely irrelevant.

And even adult therapy... does nothing for psychosis.

That may be partially true but when mothers need help with their children they don’t need to hear just suck it up and be a better mom. Nothing wrong with them seeking help.

amother

↑ Slateblue ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:54 pm

I was a teacher and I helped lot of kids even more than therapists (seit) did, and for some it was even not beneficial to be taken out. Many kids changed in my class.

As a teacher, you do have power to help kids, but not every teacher does this, and therapy does have its place.

Some kids that I put so much work into helping them with their issues, reverted back, once they went into next class, because the teacher didn't want to upkeep the work I did.

For ex. One kid was diagnosed with selective mutism, didn't talk a word to anyone year before, and turned into a like head counselor type leader in my class, but next year she changed schools, and was back at sitting in the corner.

One kid was diagnosed with adhd, her seit therapist told me year before, she needed to reteach her the parsha every week, but in my class she had nothing to teach her, she knew the stuff because lessons were engaging.

One kid was coming from a special needs school, year before she had a full time Para, but in my class not. Well I was her personal Para, tutor. She was doing great. Next year, teacher didn't want to deal with her individually, and let her do her own thing, and she regressed.

One kid, was getting seit, for social issues, because her sis had a problem that they found too late, and mom didn't want a repeat. In my class kid had no issue, I told mom to stop it, because it bothers child, but she was adamant, doesn't hurt, it's for free.

amother

↑ Maize ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:09 pm

amother Red wrote:

I don't think this thread was talking about speech therapy. If it is, then I take it all back.

I'm a big fan of speech therapy, OT and PT and even special ed can be beneficial.

amother

↑ Red

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:48 pm

amother Maize wrote:

I don't think this thread was talking about speech therapy. If it is, then I take it all back.

I'm a big fan of speech therapy, OT and PT and even special ed can be beneficial.

I wrote in my post that my example is from the other kinds of therapy, but my point is the same. Don’t judge situations as an outsider.

Fox

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 2:47 pm

One of my daughters is a BCBA, and I once asked her if there are more kids with ASD these days or if we're just overdiagnosing. Her answer was "Yes."

The same seems to be true of all kinds of diagnoses.

Yes -- more people have issues that require therapies of one sort or another.
Yes -- we're quicker to seek therapy when something seems amiss.
Yes -- we sometimes use therapy to paper over other issues.
Yes -- we're quicker to pathologize behaviors. No one is allowed to be quirky or develop on a different schedule.

The reality is that none of these are exclusive. They are all true simultaneously.

Every parent and educator needs to ask a few questions when therapy is suggested for a child:

* Exactly what are the realistic expectations of this therapy?
* What are the benchmarks of progress?
* How long is reasonable to achieve various benchmarks or goals?

When it comes to mental health, repeated studies have shown that a great deal of the efficacy is based on the kesher between the therapist and the patient. The therapist who saved your life might be horrible for me. It's hard, time-consuming, and expensive to test out whether such a kesher is possible. But if you or your child has been working with a therapist for a couple of months without feeling any benefit, it's time to try something or someone new.

And sometimes, you just have to apply common sense. After several hand surgeries, my oldest daughter, a"h, was recommended for a lengthy course of OT. When I found her busily removing all the knobs and handles from the bathroom vanity using a nail file as a screwdriver, I decided we'd had enough OT for the time being.

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 2:52 pm

When the goal is to fix someone or make them “normal”, it’s no surprise the focus is on getting them “fixed” by a professional asap.

I think many of the things that get focused on don’t need to be fixed away or the individual “made normal”.

When we realize that, I think we can have a healthier view and relationship with therapies.

amother

Thistle

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 2:56 pm

Stateblue, I wish you were my kids teachers!!! You sound amazing

I agree 💯. BTW selective mutism child probably has anxiety. In the long run this kis will have to deal with it. A good teacher and mother could lessen it.
For a selective mute kid. Your giving her the push. Your classroom was safe
. She'll interact and learn social skills and hopefully won't think twice when she succeeds. If a S.M. kid switched to a new school. She would need a intuitive teacher to safely help her adjust. She would succeed even more because she learned how to do it twice and succeeded
A therapist can't change the kid. The kids makeup is there.
The redeem in chadarim ar the worse. The kindergarten, to second grade rebbe's don't realize that part if their job is to look out for the kids health. Teach the kids to be a team, they need better training. I was told by one of my son's rebbeim his job was to teach my son kria and parsha. Supervise lunch from and recess from the sidelines any child that's not playing well needs help. It's not his job to figure out why a child won't be successful in his classroom.

I think part of our kids mental health problems today is we expect to much of them they are anxious instead of carefree. I stead of learning through experiences at their own pace. We move them fast to bring them up levels that we think should be expected of them. Taking away their confidence from their own success.

amother

↑ DarkMagenta

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 2:58 pm

It’s an old question. Are we diagnosing more or is there actually more? There’s no question we’ve made a lot of progress in treatment and interventions in the last few decades. Is there actually more asd? The arguments go both ways. The older folks tell me there were a lot of kids that didn’t fit in, didn’t do well, were told they weren’t doing as well as they could even though they really couldn’t. There were no labels and there was no treatment. Some went on to lead productive lives, some are even more miserable as adults, and some are better at hiding their difficulties as they get older. Most of them probably could have benefited from help if it would have been available.

amother

↑ Slateblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 3:07 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

100%

Is this case, principal told me, girl is very fragile and sensitive, and need to treat her with silk gloves. I saw stubbornness behind it.

So in one hand, I gave her lots of love and attention trying to build up her confidence, but otoh, was firm and in goading her to cooperate with class activities and not let her sit in corner in her in world, missing everything were doing.

notshanarishona

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 3:18 pm

amother Narcissus wrote:

Many kids with adhd need therapy to work on social skills, communication skills, time management skills, executive functioning, etc. not all therapy is about trauma.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 4:05 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Many kids with adhd need therapy to work on social skills, communication skills, time management skills, executive functioning, etc. not all therapy is about trauma.

Agree with this. Also didn't read the whole thread. My brother has severe adhd and also lacks social cues that really affects him. My parents were clueless (as are many with adhd children that I know). They think child is on meds and that helps so child is good. This sibling is now 26 and can be very difficult to be around because he lacks basic social and life skills.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 4:06 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

I hope you told her mother how the meds affected her, because that meant it was the wrong med or the wrong dose.

And what did you do when she was having major behavior outbursts in school? How did you reach her?

Of course I told her mom, and they switched her meds. It was even worse at home… I don’t ignore issues, I just don’t jump to recommend therapy, as I don’t believe it’s necessarily always the solution.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 4:08 pm

amother Narcissus wrote:

You said this very well. Exactly my points

amother

Navyblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:14 pm

You don’t agree in early intervention services that are really needed for a child, like PT when they’re delayed in milestones? OT if they have oral fixation and mouth everything at an age where no longer appropriate? The child sticks everything they can find into every nostril/earlobe available. What are parents supposed to be doing?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:16 pm

amother Red wrote:

I agree with everything you said. I’m not talking about speech therapy here, or even OT.

I’m talking about regular social work/ talk therapy.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:19 pm

amother Red wrote:

I wrote in my post that my example is from the other kinds of therapy, but my point is the same. Don’t judge situations as an outsider.

I’m not judging any parent, I promise you. I truly sympathize with all parents who struggle with difficult behaviors in their children. And I completely understand the desire to outsource your parenting.

I’m merely pointing out a standard society has created and pushed onto us, with us naively trusting and going along. Which has created more problems, I believe.

I don’t think parents need to try harder or work harder. I think they need to teach their kids to work harder.