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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
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 Today at 1:14 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | No, they do not know and I would never tell them! There’s no reason for them to worry that we don’t have money! |
Are they used to high end gifts? How are you going to let them know that their wish list will not be met? If they are waiting for the items they asked you for and are used to getting what want surprise disappointment may be harder than advance notice
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amother
Strawberry
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Today at 1:18 pm
I would prepare them for the fact that you are not getting them something from the list
Then write a really nice letter to each one, detailing some of the qualities you see in them and talking about how much you love them - be specific. Then put however much cash you can afford in the card - even if its just 5$ each.
Then plan fun activities for every night.
That's what my parents did in 2008 when my dad lost his job, and it still sticks as the most meaningful gift I have ever recieved.
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amother
cornflower
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Today at 1:31 pm
| amother Strawberry wrote: | I would prepare them for the fact that you are not getting them something from the list
Then write a really nice letter to each one, detailing some of the qualities you see in them and talking about how much you love them - be specific. Then put however much cash you can afford in the card - even if its just 5$ each.
Then plan fun activities for every night.
That's what my parents did in 2008 when my dad lost his job, and it still sticks as the most meaningful gift I have ever recieved. |
That’s beautiful!
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amother
Starflower
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Today at 1:39 pm
I never grew up with Chanukah presents we did each get a book to read shabbos Chanukah and each day we did a family project/game that probably didn't cost more than a few dollars or was free. We never made lists or discussed what we wanted and we were perfectly happy with it
I'm chassidish I live in town where everyone in my class made lists....
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joker
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Today at 1:42 pm
Op- I'm so sorry and I feel for you! Are any grandparents able to chip in money/gifts? Like sending them for shabbos to bubby and zaidy? What about movie night ?
I think your goal for this experience is to create the safe feeling that we're good and safe and life is good we also can't afford gifts right now 
Can you do that? I think it will take some pretty masterful parenting but honestly if you can give your kids this feeling you will have given them the best gift for life!
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amother
Lotus
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Today at 1:42 pm
| amother Geranium wrote: | | If you’re located in boro park, met life is distributing toys at their new location. Call them to find out details. Maybe there will be a fun family game given out. |
Do you have details?
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amother
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Today at 1:43 pm
| amother Chestnut wrote: | | Are they used to high end gifts? How are you going to let them know that their wish list will not be met? If they are waiting for the items they asked you for and are used to getting what want surprise disappointment may be harder than advance notice |
Not high end but not $5 or $10 either.
The reason they made a list is because I’ve asked them to in the past when we able to afford more so that I can pick one or 2 things from it to get them. So since then, they just make me a list every year
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amother
Copper
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Today at 1:43 pm
I don't mean to be inconsiderate or rude or insensitive, and I feel for your financial difficulties. We also struggle financially. But....
This literally sounds like Xmas to me. Kids have lists of what they want, and they expect gifts? And not having money for "Chanuka gifts" is a sad thing to cry over? A yearly necessity? A given? It literally sounds like lists for santa, each child expecting an Official Big Chanuka Gift.
And I'm reminded yet again of why I'm happy we don't do this in our family.
Sorry to be blunt. It had to be said.
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keym
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Today at 1:46 pm
OP, you said some of the things on your kids lists are closer to needs than wants
Maybe list them here, with your absolute max budget and some of us can help track down some version very cheap.
If there was a way for very cheap to give each kid one item on their list.
Sometimes I'm amazed by the investigative skills of a good deal that we collectively have here on imamother
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amother
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Today at 1:53 pm
| amother Copper wrote: | I don't mean to be inconsiderate or rude or insensitive, and I feel for your financial difficulties. We also struggle financially. But....
This literally sounds like Xmas to me. Kids have lists of what they want, and they expect gifts? And not having money for "Chanuka gifts" is a sad thing to cry over? A yearly necessity? A given? It literally sounds like lists for santa, each child expecting an Official Big Chanuka Gift.
And I'm reminded yet again of why I'm happy we don't do this in our family.
Sorry to be blunt. It had to be said. |
Yes it’s sad but that’s the reality of the world that we live in
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amother
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Today at 2:49 pm
| keym wrote: | OP, you said some of the things on your kids lists are closer to needs than wants
Maybe list them here, with your absolute max budget and some of us can help track down some version very cheap.
If there was a way for very cheap to give each kid one item on their list.
Sometimes I'm amazed by the investigative skills of a good deal that we collectively have here on imamother |
Ty! I don’t feel comfortable posting a list on here as I’m sure I will be criticized by what other imas think r an actual need and what’s not
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amother
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Today at 2:50 pm
| amother Strawberry wrote: | I would prepare them for the fact that you are not getting them something from the list
Then write a really nice letter to each one, detailing some of the qualities you see in them and talking about how much you love them - be specific. Then put however much cash you can afford in the card - even if its just 5$ each.
Then plan fun activities for every night.
That's what my parents did in 2008 when my dad lost his job, and it still sticks as the most meaningful gift I have ever recieved. |
wow! incredible parents! and look how well you rem it all these years later bec it truly meant something to you. I’m blown away!
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amother
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Today at 5:26 pm
| amother Strawberry wrote: | I would prepare them for the fact that you are not getting them something from the list
Then write a really nice letter to each one, detailing some of the qualities you see in them and talking about how much you love them - be specific. Then put however much cash you can afford in the card - even if its just 5$ each.
Then plan fun activities for every night.
That's what my parents did in 2008 when my dad lost his job, and it still sticks as the most meaningful gift I have ever recieved. |
That’s so nice I’m crying
I’m so sad right now & can’t get out of my funk
I’m feeling very uninspired & depressed.
I can usually self talk and tell myself about the things I have to be grateful for.
Yesterday it all came to a head. Like the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I broke down & cried. Since then I’m not myself.
What do I do ?
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amother
Banana
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Today at 5:41 pm
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This won't work for Chanukah but Amazon just started Amazon Haul. Everything is 65% off.
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saralem
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Today at 6:58 pm
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I really think you can and should be honest with teenagers if money is the issue. Although they won’t truly understand how being on a tight budget works, you can share with them that this year you need to scale back—a lot. Let them know that it’s not scary, that you’re not “poor” and that Gd willing, things will improve. If you reassure them that the basics are well covered but extra aren’t in the budget at this moment in time, they’ll still feel safe and hopefully understand the situation. Btdt.
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amother
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Today at 7:18 pm
| amother Banana wrote: | | This won't work for Chanukah but Amazon just started Amazon Haul. Everything is 65% off. |
Wnats Amazon haul?
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amother
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Today at 7:24 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes it’s sad but that’s the reality of the world that we live in |
Is it really the reality?
Maybe I'm living under a rock but it never occurred to me to give chanukah presents to my kids. My parents never gave me either.
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amother
Burntblack
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Today at 7:49 pm
| amother Cappuccino wrote: | Is it really the reality?
Maybe I'm living under a rock but it never occurred to me to give chanukah presents to my kids. My parents never gave me either. |
Then that's not the world YOU live in.
Im 40. I've gotten Chanukah presents from my parents and grandparents my whole life.
My husband also.
My mother is 65. She got presents from her parents and grandparents her whole life.
My mil did also
My fil was not frum, raised by survivors. He got gelt from his parents and survivor uncles.
So yes, I give gifts.
My kids have at times made lists for grandparents at the grandparents request. Mainly because the grandparents want to give something they know the child will appreciate without disclosing the budget. So my kid will write fire truck, toolset, CD, blocks and the grandparents will choose something from that list within their budget.
Just because you don't do gifts doesn't mean you need to knock and criticize OP.
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