Don't the kollel men have off during the day now?!

amother

↑ Cappuccino ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:30 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

It's called bait click
She has a right to it but we have a right to argue on it.
Incase you are new here, a title is used to indicate what the topic of post is about. Not just a random sentence....

I'm not sure why you keep mentioning English classes???

Because how to use a title and what a title is, are subjects for class, not a forum where everyone can write how they wish.

There are so many errors in these threads, you have no idea (or do you?). I stopped judging people's posts by their grammar and form a long, long time ago. Maybe you should, too.

amother

↑ Cappuccino ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:33 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

Except that you have no idea what else is going on in their lives which may preclude him from having done it earlier in the day. The question still stands, would OP have been just as upset if the neighbor was working full time?

Let's say their lives are very busy, they have four SN kids (let's say). The schedule is THAT more busy now than it was when he was in kollel, that he can't spend time building his sukka during the day when he's literally on vacation? I don't buy it.

I do think OP needs to simply go over to them and speak up. It's pointless debating on a thread instead of confronting the offending neighbor.

amother

↑ Cappuccino ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:38 am

amother Papayawhip wrote:

But my earlier question stands.
Does the kollel man's banging disturb your kids sleep but a a working man banging doesn't disturb?

Of course both disturb.

The working man's she has to swallow and forgive because he legit has no other time to do it. The kollel man she is upset that she has to swallow at all because he legit has vacation exactly so that he can build his sukka during daylight hours.

What is so difficult to understand?

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:38 am

amother Cappuccino wrote:

You don’t have to buy it. It’s called being Dan lekaf zechus, which means you go looking for it. If there was an obvious reason, then OP would likely know, and she possibly wouldn’t be upset, or would be less upset.
I am a stay at home mom, so I should be able to get it all done right? Except that I can’t and I don’t. I don’t need to explain to you or to anyone else (except my husband and kids, and anyone else it may affect) You don’t need to buy it, you just need to accept it.

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:40 am

amother Cappuccino wrote:

You swallow it the same way, because you have no idea what else is going on in their lives. Why is THAT so hard to understand? It’s not like they’re having loud parties every night, well into the night. It’s one maybe two night, and OP knows well and good that it’s for a mitzvah. Why is it so hard to look at others favorably, rather than judging them?

amother

↑ Cappuccino ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:46 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

Look I don't know these particular neighbors, ok? But I assume that if there were extenuating circumstances it would've come up over the course of the thread.

SAHM doesn't mean you get all the housework done. But the point is that if you usually have scheduled time for an occupation/ learning/ whatever then vacation means you have MORE time that you can schedule as you wish than usual. If that time is specifically allocated for a specific issue (such as yom tov prep) then that's what you use it for. And if you claim to live a holier lifestyle than most then you don't do it at your neighbors' expense or that's not holiness.

Oh and dan lekaf zechus doesn't mean you bend over backwards finding irrational reasons for someone else's bad behavior, it means you find a reason not to judge them harshly. Whatever that reason may be.

My personal theory is this guy was never taught basic decency but he's essentially a good person so if you go up to him and explain nicely he will have a "eureka" moment, apologize, and that will be that.

But the biggest issue here is the insistence that it's not okay to hold kollel guys accountable because obviously during bein hazmanim they are under equal or more pressure than the rest of us to get everything ready for yom tov. Sorry, no.

amother

↑ Cappuccino

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 11:49 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

Look, firstly, personally I don't follow who does this and who does that.

But secondly you do usually have some idea what's going on in your neighbors' lives.

And you are not obligated to swallow everything, including loss of a night's sleep and the next day's productivity, in the name of looking favorably on others. Sometimes it's okay to be mad and it's definitely okay to speak up. It's not okay to expect people to swallow inconsiderate behavior just because.

Hey guess what I want to go make a chassan and kallah happy, so I'm going to go and play loud music and bring a party right below your window. It's only one night and it's for a mitzva so maybe just swallow it if this continues until 2am.

Also simchas beis and lag baomer, never complain because it's for a mitzva, ok?

abound

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 12:05 pm

Would this be good reasons:

- He was at the hospital all day with someone sick, and knows he has to do day shifts bec he needs to be in touch with the dr.s
- Someone in his family was diagnosed with mental health or physical illness and he has to be busy with them.
- He cannot afford to make yom tov on a kollel paycheck so he took a side temp job during the day.
- His wife is working and he is the daytime parent, and cannot build with children around.
- He is a chevra kadisha volunteer and was called in.
- He gets sick from the heat and can only work in the evening.

These are so far just as legit as working...next time call them if its after 10PM, and stop making their life cheshbon of what you think they should do and when.

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 2:30 pm

amother Cappuccino wrote:

Why does it have to be extenuating circumstances? Why can’t it just be life- he’s tutoring during that time, he has a chevrusa, he’s the one taking the kids to appointments since he’s home, child one naps from X-Y and child 2 naps from y-z. None of these things are extenuating circumstances, they are just regular everyday life. Believing that it could be one or more of the above reasons, or something else just as logical is not bending over backwards. It takes more energy to judge harshly.

↑ Ema of 5

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 2:36 pm

amother Cappuccino wrote:

Actually yes, I have neighbors who do that on the rare occasion- a birthday party in the summer, a weekend long wedding event….I try not to get upset about it because I know it’s a one time thing. Is it difficult? Yes, but I see no point in getting upset about it. Especially for something that I know will only be a one time thing.