Can someone actually explain to me

amother

DarkYellow

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 1:06 am

Here's the answer:
It's not possible to both work full time at regular 9 - 5 jobs and raise a family with babies, young children, and older children (may be possible with 2 - 3 children all on same schedule).
Unless you have
- a nanny (especially one who drives)
- family close by who is always available to help
- neighbors always available to help
- a lot of money for in between camps
- a flexible boss who lets you change schedules during weeks that there is no school
- a falling apart house (which may not be so terrible if you don't mind laundry never folded, cheese sandwiches for dinner, bathroom not always clean, it's not the end of the world)

The last option was the only option we had and eventually I switched to a job where I made my own hours. I had to work sundays to makeup for missing hours during the week.

I've looked around at the community to try to figure it out, and I realized it only works with the above listed situations.

DrMom

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 1:53 am

- Our kids' gans and schools are all within easy walking distance or on the way to work, or they catch a bus.

- After-school martial arts classes, art classes, youth movements, etc. Also playdates, etc.

- Short commutes.

- Flexible work hours (for example: working between 8:00-13:00, 15:00-19:00) that allow us to pick up kids, etc.

- Project-oriented work that can be performed in any location as opposed to task-oriented, location-specific work. If I am managing a complicated project that I am responsible for delivering at the end of the month, my time is more flexible than if I am a clerk at a grocery store who must be at a certain location performing a specific task during specific hours. It also means I might make some calls or send out emails or write a few reports after the kids go to bed.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 2:22 am

I went to work when my youngest started preschool. My husband did carpool in the morning and I had a babysitter waiting for my daughter to come home and be with her for 2 hours until I got home. The babysitter also did some simple clean up during that time, since there was no diapers involved as my daughter was over 3 y.o. and she was easier to watch. I also worked in a place which pretty much followed school schedule for yomim tovim and snow closing days. If kids were sick and the above babysitter wasn't available at odd hours, I took off from work. It did help that my husband has a somewhat flexible schedule and is able to work from home at times.

learning1

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 4:59 am

It's really tough. Would be worthwhile at least to work at something where you can move up, so that you can eventually earn more in less hours and then you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Depending where you live, look into scholarships for online/remote learning classes to develop something more lucrative at your own hours.

amother

White

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 5:52 am

amother OP wrote:

This only works for older kids though

Depending on our jobs over the years one of us made sure to have more flexibility. For ex: working in a place that allows you to bring a child to your workplace in an emergency, flexible hours if necessary, ability to work remotely if needed, has the option to leave in middle of the day to do carpool and then return to work etc.
For vacation time , I always sent my kids to a sitter or camp like program .
For carpool, I paid people to take my kids for an hour or two after school, playgroup etc.
With one child I had a school bus drop off my child at a babysitter etc.

↑ chestnut ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:18 am

amother OP wrote:

I work part time. The problem isn’t daycare costs. I’d have to do pickup on my own and make up countless hours missed for appts (including weekly OT) and sick days and scrambling to find care on sick or vacation days. Plus somehow taking care of bills and phone calls even though I work in an industry where there really isn’t downtime and I don’t even take lunch breaks.

OT after school hours, on Sundays, or in day care, as are most other appts.
Sick and vacation days - babysitter or switching off with the husband.
Bills need to be paid automatically or from bank once a month, takes 10 mins.
Calls - Fridays once home, erev Yom tov, might sometimes fit during the day, delegate some to your husband. I mean, how many do you make already each week?
This is how ppl manage. But if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:28 am

chestnut wrote:

I feel like this is helpful in theory but not in practice. His OT doesn’t have late appts nor Sundays (is Sundays an Israel thing? Certainly not applicable where I live). There are still frequently bills that arrive in mail ie medical. Calls can’t be made with children/baby around. Husband has little flexibility and getting a babysitter that same day on last minute notice is a miracle in my experience. Does no one else have these challenges while working full time? I don’t get it.

amother

Lotus

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:41 am

Quote:

I agree with you 100%
I live OOT where medical offices keep regular hours, 9-4 or 9-5
Also, who gets out early on Friday? DH works until 4 in the summer and 3 in the winter

I also wonder from the people answering "we make it work", how many kids do you have and what ages? I have kids ages babies to teens with different school schedules, different carpools, appointments for baby vaccines and appointments for braces, wisdom teeth, eye doctors...

We decided that at least until our youngest is in first grade I need to be working a very flexible part time job, even if that means living off of our savings for now.

amother

↑ Waterlily

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:24 am

amother OP wrote:

HIS OT may not have evening or weekend hours but many others do. Or OT (whether through EI, CPSE or DOE) often/usually go to daycare/school. Calls are made during lunch break or bathroom breaks at work. People who need to day off emergently (sick kid) call out of work. Many employees offer backup care or women reach out to their personal network of friends/friends with Nannie’s for less emergent needs

↑ chestnut

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:44 am

amother OP wrote:

This OT doesn't have other hours, but others might. Of course, you might want to stick with this OT, so there's your answer for working full time.
Paying medical bills by mail - pay once a month by writing out checks and mailing them. I'm not understanding this issue; what am I missing?
Calls can be made if the baby is napping or is busy playing and the toddler is coloring or watching a video and you keep an eye on both. Or at work. Ppl do it all the time, that's what lunch breaks are for. How long are your calls already and how frequent?

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 11:54 am

chestnut wrote:

I’m happy for you that things run pretty smoothly for you BH. I’m off to find out about Covid testing my kids, figure out if we have a water leak that’s making our bill extremely high, and make more appts for physical therapy for my pelvic floor. And yet again not get work done. Maybe my life is just messier than most.

amother

↑ Garnet

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 11:57 am

amother OP wrote:

I think many people just don't do the therapy that they need for their pelvic floor. They neglect things. I let my cavities go for months before getting to a dentist etc.
I'm not saying it's the right thing.
I'm just saying people have messy lives and they leave it that way if there's no choice.

amother

Blush

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 12:23 pm

My husband is in kollel and I work full-time in Israel.

I have flexible working ours so I go to work super early and leave early.

The break my husband has from 1:30-3:30 has always saved us (he learns nearby). He is home to watch whichever kids are home then then and feed them lunch. He's out later than if he'd be working (until 7:30) but I do the late afternoon shift.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 12:53 pm

Dh and both work full time. No cleaning help.

Our solution is to live in the city instead of the suburbs so we are as close to everything as possible. Schools and daycare etc are walking distance, so we just pop out for a few minutes to take the younger kids, older kids walk themselves. Our parents also live in the same city though in different neighborhoods and they help with pickup of some kids on some days. My job is also walking distance or a very short bus ride, so commuting doesn't eat into my work hours. Dh used to work in a different city but moved to a job in our city for this reason even though the pay was a bit less, because he now gets home before the kids go to bed instead of after.

My job is flexible in thay if I don't finish my work at the office, I can finish it at home in the evening after my kids are in bed. Not ideal for everyone, but I can leave at 3 to get younger kids (older ones walk themselves).

We take sick days for our kids when needed. Mine are always paid, dh's are not, but we are allowed to take them. If it cuts into our salary a bit, it usually isn't much.

The other way we manage is by spending money to help. Babysitters (sometimes split with others) and camps for vacations. Appliances to help save time (dishwasher, dryer, vacuum mop, etc). Use a lot of disposables so we have less dishes to watch.

Grocery orders are doen online, so that can be done at any time of day or any day of the week because the websites are always open.

Paying bills is automatic.

If kids have dr appts etc, I get a sick note for that time.

I use repairmen who have whatsapp so no time needed to make calls about it. If they come, we either arrange to work from home or take the day off. Or we pay extra for them to come evenings and weekends when we don't have work.

It is hard, it is tiring, it can be stressful, but it generally works out.

amother

NeonOrange ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 1:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

I've made many a call with a baby on my hip and apologized to the person on the other end of the line if said baby's noise got disruptive.

Therapy appointments of any kind are really hard to schedule for after-school or Sunday hours because everyone wants them.

amother

Brass

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 2:33 pm

Both my husband and I work full time. Both out jobs are 8+ hours a week, but not 9-5. We have flexibility on start and stop times.
I have paid parents to drive kids home from playgroup to a babysitter.
I do not have cleaning help, and my house is far from clean (more organized mess). But that is what I let go so I can work and be present for my kids when I'm home.
I do not cook fancy or many dishes. Plenty to eat, but not a ton of variety.
I have sick leave from work and can use for kids--so I do for when they are sick or have appointments.
I have to find childcare for when they are off. Most of the time neighbors run mini-camps or I paid babysitters.

amother

Hosta

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:43 pm

I’m out the house 9-6 every day (45 minute commute each way).
My husband works 9-6/7/8 (he’s an independent contractor so depending on the season some nights he’s home at 6 other nights at 9).

I don’t have much family close by at all and very few friends.

I do have a nanny/housekeeper who comes for 4 hrs every day. She takes my youngest off his bus and watches him whilst doing laundry and cleaning as needed.

Friday I work from home so the nanny comes in the morning and does a full house clean for 3-4 hrs.
I pay her a lot. Worth every penny.

For sick days , my husband has a more flexible schedule than I do but my boss is ok with me working from home in extreme circumstances so if I have to be home for a sick kids and dh can’t I can do that. Or I use my sick days.

For breaks between school/camp I’m lucky in that my younger ones go to a drop off babysitter until my nanny picks them up (it’s their old babysitter who watched them from newborns so they know her and her house), and my older ones find their own things to do or go to friends. Every day we figure it out as it comes.

Phone calls and appointment calls I make in my lunch break or on my commute.

Appointments all have to be either 8am, 630pm or Friday afternoon or Sunday.
Worst case I take a couple hours off work and make it up by staying late (or deduct of my accrued sick hours).

Managing? Not always.
Surviving? Yes.