Health-minded mothers, please don’t deprive your kids!

amother

↑ Mint ↓

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 8:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

The parents chose to send their kid to this school. The school policy is to allow shabbos and birthday parties and the snacks are not junky- potato chips and frosted cupcakes for example. I am not looking to deliberately go against the mother but how can you allow a 3 year old to watch everyone else eating and not being allowed? I treated her just like everyone else and gave her more when she wanted. If her parents don’t want her eating in school, maybe they should find a different school which better meets their needs.

Also don’t worry about me being fired- I was advised by the principal to act the way I did.

The principal said to give her extra junk food specifically against the mother's request? As you said you do in your op. That is very different than just allowing her the same snack as everyone else. Very odd call on the principal's part and frankly doesn't bode well for a school to be run by some who disregards parental requests so easily. I'm not anti junk food but I wouldn't want my kids in a school where the principal is so cavalier about parental requests.

Saying this also as a long time teacher. A school that is run by this sort of principal sounds bizarre. I wouldn't want to work for her, either, she sounds very untrustworthy.

amother

↑ Charcoal ↓

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 8:19 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Why assume the negative? Perhaps the principal has awareness of the child's home environment and has been advised to extend extra care to this child - even if it means working around the mother in this case?

amother

↑ Mint ↓

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 8:44 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

Advised by who?? The buck stops with the principal. I know how schools work. Going against parental requests secretly and deliberately is asking for trouble/very angry parents. Any principal who does this is very off. Secretiveness & encouraging a teacher in it is a big no-no.

amother

Mustard

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 9:30 pm

Your description makes the child sound hungry.

I can see children from healthy homes either just wanting the good stuff or not wanting to disappoint the parent when they eat it because they know the parents wishes.

If the parent isn't receptive to the information there isn't much to do.

Giving the kid extra junk more than every other student seems very off of the adults.

amother

↑ Charcoal

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 9:44 pm

amother Mint wrote:

By other family members, perhaps? Principals are often looped into what's going on when there's a difficult family situation. Perhaps, the father or grandparents have reached out so the child can receive extra care when she's away from her mother?

I'm not saying that this is what happened here. I'm just saying that there shouldn't be a rush to judgment without knowing what's really going on. No reason to vilify a principal without having all the information.

amother

Peach

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 9:48 pm

I didn’t read the entire thread but dear OP you are so so so wrong.
Every time I host birthday parties for my kids I watch in amazement how some kids can gobble up candy and others go for the cookies and cakes. Some gobble and come take more and other just don’t need more than two candies. I know my sons friends and none of them come from health conscious homes and so I’ve seen time and time again that the amount of candy and junk food a child is exposed to is NOT related to how much the child will crave.

What is it about the world that is so out to “get” the parents that understand the connection of physical and emotional health to preservatives food colouring and msg?
You are the quack for not reading the clear science. You are the crazy one for not caring about your child’s health. You are the crazy one for giving a child more candy against the parents wishes.

amother

↑ Mint

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 9:59 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

Secretiveness is never ok. Full stop. And grandparents don't get a say unless they are the legal guardians, the school cannot fulfill their request against the parents--legally they can't even talk to them about the child's progress or issues unless they are appointed as such.

BTW op didn't mention a single thing about the father just that she takes pleasure in giving the child extra junk food without the mother knowing and that the principal is encouraging this. Sorry, there is something bizarre about this scenario. Even if 1 parent is pushing something you cannot keep it a secret from the other one, even if the other one is mentally ill or something --and Ive worked in schools where there were situations of parents who had a restraining order and weren't allowed on school property. Only the other parent could come in, but both needed to be kept in the loop and informed of their child's situation. Nothing was kept secret from the parent with issues. I've worked in schools 20 years and can tell you, any admistrator who would do this is very very off.

amother

Oak

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 10:08 pm

watergirl wrote:

Orthorexia is far more common than people realize and we see a lot of posts here that raise concern.

Pretty sure my mother had this. I felt so different from my peers having only very healthy food that at age 6 I decided that I’d rather not have any snacks at all. So for years I never had snacks while everyone else had, little did I know that that made me seem even more strange. A kid asked me if I was poor once.

amother

Emerald

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 11:03 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

this has nothing to do with health minded parents and all to do with bad parenting and extreme black and white thinking.

On the flip side, it's insane how much nosh my students eat. I need to enforce the no nosh policy, it's insane. Why send with your kid for snack gushers and sippies and fruit leathers and family size dorito chips??

And what I find sad is that so much nosh actually comes from the school. Between G.O. and siyums and finishing charts and soda for special treat.... It's easy and cheap for the teachers and the kids go for it. But I think it needs to be rethought.

Exactly this!!

I am a health minded mother but not to an extreme. My kids have healthier but yummy snacks (homemade muffins, pretzels, popcorn, string cheese, fruit, occasional cookies), and they have lots of treats for special occasions, like rosh chodesh, birthdays, siyum, shabbos party, dessert, etc.

They don't feel deprived because they have yummy foods that they love, and they get to have junk for special occasions.

I still fail to see why kids are bringing in so much pure junk (msg, food coloring, corn syrup) on a daily basis!! Gushers and super snacks every day???? Why would you teach your child to eat like that??

amother

↑ Leaf ↓

Sat, Nov 05 2022, 11:38 pm

The problem is with the mother who carries on if she sees her child eating something she doesn’t consider healthy. No one is saying that junk food is good to eat or feed kids. The issue is with the mother who became a food policeman for her child’s food. This mother is creating a very unhealthy child at the end and it’s very sad to see.

amother

↑ Melon

Sun, Nov 06 2022, 12:16 am

amother Charcoal wrote:

Serving the child a bunch of cookies and junk food is called extra care?!!! On the contrary, caring for a child means teaching them to eat a healthy nutritious diet.

amother

↑ Leaf

Sun, Nov 06 2022, 12:42 am

amother Melon wrote:

Serving the child a bunch of cookies and junk food is called extra care?!!! On the contrary, caring for a child means teaching them to eat a healthy nutritious diet.

Healthy, nutritious….. the kid is starving!!! That child is eating enough cucumbers at home. The. Morah is not cooking. It fine for a hungry child to eat 2 cookies sometimes. No one is saying the cookies are instead of a meal.

amother

Denim

Sun, Nov 06 2022, 9:00 am

amother Clear wrote:

OP, although your example is about a child from a health-minded home, please don't view this as specific to rice-cake-loving mamas.

I grew up in a home where I was deprived of treats and it had nothing to do with health. It was all about thin-superiority. Fat was a dirty word. My mother watched and calculated for every bite of food that went into my mouth. Not only did I not have treats - I was not allowed second helpings. I was not allowed to drink anything but water.

When I went on baby sitting jobs I would look for containers of cake icing in the pantry, eat the whole thing with a spoon and then hide it in the garbage.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I've been out of my parents' home for 30 years. It doesn't matter. I've been to nutritionists and read every kind of book and gotten therapy. Doesn't matter. I cannot eat anything but celery sticks without guilt. Ever.

thanks for verbalizing what I never could
thin superiority
oy do I get you. oy.