My unpopular opinion

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:09 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

I agree
But I have this opinion in general
If something is available and the kids know it, they will not feel the need to have it always

Some examples
My pantry is stocked with sweet cereals and healthy cereals, yet dd requests bran flakes for breakfast
Once in a blue moon she'll ask for fruity pebbles, and she gets that

My nosh cabinet is fully stocked. Think sour sticks, candies, lollies, fruit roll ups... yet dd usually goes for cookies or chips. Or fruit

We don't have a computer but my tablet is always floating around the house
She hardly ever requests screen time. She knows she'll get it at the usual unofficial time we have fir screen time

Going anon here cuz I share this perspective with friends pretty often irl

Eh

Not the case here

Sweet cereals are for shbbs otherwise they’d eat them all day

Snack bags are limited to two a day. Can have other types of snacks like crackers. And of course healthy food is always available unlimited ie fruit veggies cheese.

Cookies and baked goods I need to limit to be fair to everyone else otherwise kids will finish quickly and not leave for others

Tablet for sure is limited to Fridays only unless special permission is given, otherwise my kids would fight about it and kvetch and be on it all day

I really disagree with you

No need to go to either extreme.

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:16 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

All these posts about people being strict about how many snacks per day and how many yogurts per day or serving only rice for supper or rationing one drumstick per child , etc….
Also, kids knowing that parents only by food on sale etc….

I think this hurts the children terribly . It’s extremely rigid , makes kids feel like they are being stifled and very anxious . It also makes them desperate for regular, average things that they otherwise probably wouldn’t care about .

Small example:
As a small child my mom bought only big bags of chips and pretzels to save money and put it in baggies for snacks every day. I can’t describe my desperate yearning to have a regular chip bag like everyone else in my class.

My own children often ask me to buy big bags and put the snack into baggies . They couldn’t care less. Why? Because they were never made to feel like something so small and stupid was out of their reach .

(For clarity: no, I did not grow up in a poor , deprived home . But there was something about all the rules and rigidity around certain things combined with my personality that really effected me badly .)

Anyway, back to my point . Think very long and clearly about the way your approach to food is effecting your children.

Throw the tomatoes . I’m ready ! 😈

Your childhood feelings are valid, but with maturity, you should be able to appreciate where your caring parent was coming from. It's now time to grow up

amother

Topaz

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:19 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

That’s your kid.
Some kids will still choose the fruity pebbles every time.

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:21 pm

I beg to disagree with OP. True, as a kid I was a bit embarrassed to bring my reused bag with apple slices for snack instead of a commercial bag of corn chips. But I was a kid and also embarrassed if on a given day I wore pink socks and it just happened that the rest of the class wore white ones. Or that my briefcase was blue and all the popular girls had the same model in pink. But I got used to it and eventually embraced the frugal environmentally responsible way of life myself.

I reused bread bags to wrap my kids' lunches, and maybe they felt bad and maybe they didn't. Then one day DC came home saying "Guess who also reuses yogurt containers?" Turns out it was the mom of one of the richest families, possibly THE richest, in the whole school. If DC weren't ok with reused containers before, they sure were now.

While my kids aren't, perhaps, quite as frugally responsible as I am, they show zero signs of psychological trauma stemming from their nerdy upbringing.

I also never got candy, thinly disguised as "Shabbos cereal " for breakfast Shabbos morning and I didn't spend the rest of my life craving it, either.

↑ small bean

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:21 pm

I think most families have things they don't buy on principle. I don't buy fruity pebbles or trix, my kids can beg (they dont), I think its disgusting and should not be consumed. But I'm not rigid in general, if you want normal food items, I'm happy to buy it, and my kids can ask for what they want.

I think all that's important, do your kids feel comfortable asking for things. If they do, even if you say no, it's fine. Kids can have limits..

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:27 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

This doesn't always work, FYI. There's definitely some personality involved. I'm all for not keeping an overly restrictive/punitive/rigid approach, but the "don't make it forbidden and they won't always want it" approach doesn't work for all kids. There are kids who, given the choice will ALWAYS choose the option you'd really rather steer them away from. Some really need clearly communicated and enforced boundaries. I was one of those kids, and one of mine is like this as well.

miami85

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:31 pm

So I think you were right in how it all comes down to the relationship you have with your kids about food.

Being to harsh and rigid so that your kids feel like their opinion has zero value and no matter what they say is invalidating, but kids having so much say that they think money grows on trees is not healthy either.
But learning boundaries and how to budget your food is all part of life for being healthy.
Food and snacks are kids' social-currency--for better or worse. Kids are often judged by what "cool snacks" they have.

It also might depend on what foods your kids like. What the family constellation is like--oldest, youngest, how many, allergies and other considerations.

There is no one best way. Kids often think "life is not fair" no matter what. I had a dear friend growing up, I think she resents how her parents raised her in a too-rigid home, whereas I was an "only" child at home and my parents were older and worked a lot so I liked going to her home where there seemed to be more structured. In fact I do somethings today because of how her parents handled some things that my parents didn't. I don't think she turned out to be the most mentally stable person, where as I think I did.

Last edited by miami85 on Thu, Dec 19 2024, 3:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Teal

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:50 pm

I think it's okay, and even positive, for kids to have rules and boundaries, as long as you are not creating a situation in which they are so different from their peers that it hurts them socially. My husband and I are both overweight and it has been a lifelong struggle for us to be healthy, so I did raise my kids with snack limits because I want them to have a positive relationship with food and try to break the cycle. From when they were young, the rule for taking snacks to school was 1 "junky", (such potato chips, pre-packaged danish or brownie bar, cookies), 1 "medium" (such as a granola bar or homemade muffins made with applesauce and honey) and 1 "healthy" (fruit, cut up veggies, rice cake, etc.). Just because other kids take 4 snack bags to school doesn't mean that everyone NEEDS that! And guess what? Some of my kids' friends are actually jealous that I bake healthy muffins for them and as the kids get older, some of them are choosing to replace the junky snack options with a healthier one, as they unfortunately inherited the same slow metabolism as their parents. I think the key here was that we didn't restrict the junk completely, so they could still have a recess with chips just like everyone else, but rather got them in the habit of also eating healthy.

About the money perspective, I have learned that healthy food actually costs a lot more than garbage. So yes, I cringe a little when my daughter asks me for avocado and mango for the fancy salad she makes herself for lunch, which costs way more than a slice of pizza, but I buy it anyway.

camp123 ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:04 pm

Some of these opinions leave me very worried about where the next generation is headed.

Adults are meant to set limits for children.
All people are contained by some limits. It may be financial, or health or just not to be a glutton but we set limits for ourselves. Young children don't have the maturity to always set limits and it's up to the adults in their lives to set those limits.
There is nothing wrong with allowing your child to only have one yogurt a day. There is nothing wrong with not always having snacks available and in easy reach. If kids are fed nutritious meals, and given appropriate snacks when necessary they'll be just fine.
Just because it was hard for you as a kid to be different from your friends doesn't mean we should bring up our kids to be unresiliant, spoiled brats.
Yes, there are some kids that can't handle being different than their friends, so you do your best to make sure they fit in, there are other kids that need more snacks so you give them what they need. What's important is to know your kids and their needs, there are never blanket rules for everyone. But, everyone needs to learn at some point in their life to live with boundaries, limits, and discipline.

keym

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:20 pm

camp123 wrote:

Its not about no boundaries, it's about as kids feeling heard and seen and feeling like our needs mattered.

I think it was R Yaakov Kamenetzky who said that a child with his sailboat in the bathtub is like a captain with his ocean liner.

I was raised like OP. "what's the big deal. Chips are chips. Just eat them. Kids are starving in India".

That doesn't give the child the safety of being seen and validated.

A parent needs to listen to the child. "I hear. Individual snack bags are important to you. Let's talk about what we can do. Maybe individual bags once a week. Maybe better quality bags to prevent crushing. Maybe decorating the baggies. Maybe only on the birthday. Maybe homemade"
The parents shouldn't stand on ceremony just not to spoil the kid.

There's so much to do to make the kid feel heard.

Trauma is not about what happened it's about how it was handled. A child whose parents don't have the money but the parents acknowledge how important it is to the child and try to make it work even once a year are less likely to be traumatized from the rules or nos or boundaries.

amother

Smokey

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:42 pm

amother Rose wrote:

I find when I buy big bags and divide into small bags that we end up packing much bigger portions, actually. I like the individual bags because of their portion control and convenience.
Unless you have 10+ kids or are on an extremely tight budget, I never understand why people think it's worth nickel and diming on this. How much do they end up saving per month, $15? I'm sorry, sanity is not worth that, in my mind. There are much bigger items you can scrimp on that will make a bigger difference.

I was wondering if I'm the only one who doesn't find buying big bags of snack helpful at all. I tried it and we just went through more of everything. It didn't save me anything, it may have cost more.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:43 pm

small bean wrote:

I let my DD get these for camp. I figure that one month in the year 1 box (that she often shares) won't kill her. Plus, I don't have to see it.

amother

↑ Tulip ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:45 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

That’s your kid.
Some kids will still choose the fruity pebbles every time.

You can disagree all you want

If your children are older it will be very hard to change to this route
But try it for a year and or two and then come back and let me know

I was raised this way, and it worked for me and all my siblings
My sisters do the same as I, and see the same results

It's very simple logic
Eating fruity pebbles every single Bingle day makes it very not exciting after a while
My child watches in wonder when we have little guests who raid the nosh cabinet like a bunch if hungry mice

amother

Darkblue

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 3:24 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

I'm not sure this works for everyone.

I was raised with Fruity Pebbles (or Reese's Puffs, or Alpha-Bits, or Honeycomb, or Frosted Flakes) every day for breakfast. It never got old.

↑ camp123

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 3:27 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

I have a friend with six kids. With her first five she went with this approach, and tried to persuade me of what you are saying. Then the sixth came and he really couldn't stop himself eating all the sugar. He never got tired of the junk. He ate way too much, after a very long time, she came round to the fact that it had to be limited. Kids are different, what works for some people doesn't work for everyone.
Also, for some kids, if they get used to highly processed junk, it becomes very difficult for them to eat normal, healthy food. The food companies make these things highly addictive, and they ruin a kids taste for normal food, which is why there are so many fussy eaters.