This is why I don't bring you...

amother

↑ DarkGray

Yesterday at 9:59 pm

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

I don't think anybody actually read the OP.

I think that OP has just as much of a right to make financial decisions about food as her husband, and I would be mad if my DH would try to limit me.

That said, I think they need to sit down and discuss this and try to meet in the middle.

This was my main concern, too. That it could be the real issue is that her husband is overly controlling and its not really about snack choices.

Generally speaking finances should be a joint decision.

It's hard to know with the lack of info we have.

OP would you like to come back and respond?

↑ Raizle ↓

Yesterday at 10:01 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

OP, you stated right at the outset that finances are tight. That being the case, it seems to me that your DH is simply doing the responsible thing. Children do not need prepackaged commercial snacks. They do not need custom-made dinners to suit their individual tastes. If you feel they "need" these things, then both you and they are spoiled. It won't do the kids or you a lick of harm to learn that wanting and needing are two very different things. And you need to wake up and smell the coffee: money doesn't grow on trees, and when your finances are tight, you tighten your belt and give up luxuries until such time as your financial situation eases up. And you don't need to apologize to anyone for living frugally and responsibly. "Everyone else" who gives their kids prepackaged junk food (which is anyway unhealthy in so many ways) is not going to come to your rescue when the bank repossesses your house, your landlord evicts you for nonpayment of rent, or the utility company turns off your water and electricity. KWIM?

BTW you didn't say that you work. I'm guessing that you don't, be ause if you did you might have a different attitude. Maybe consider getting a job so you can help ease the financial situation. When you're the one earning the dough, you can waste it on prepackaged junk for your kids if you like.

She did say they both work

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 10:30 pm

I started this on Friday and then had to get ready for Shabbos:

So we really do buy bare-minimum most times. I'm talking generic chips, pretzels, generic oreos, and Fruit by The Foot because we get it from Costco. But after a while they get bored. They want "pringles" or "popcorners". We never buy "snack bags"--those are only for trips, or I get one case of veggie straws through subscribe n save (and that's because even if we get the big bag from Costco on our 1-2 trips per month they will be gone way too fast). "Special snacks" are fruit cups/applesauce cups, puddings, bamba (which has to be an at home snack because of school rules), instead of single-serve yogurts we buy tubs of yogurt and add our own m&ms . We usually have an after-school snack because we are both working, we have to do supper later, but it works better because my kids are not early-birds so otherwise they are hungry before bed. This summer I treated my kids to "Prezilla rolls" because they were getting bored of the same sandwiches every day (we don't get lunches in school).

Most of our "dinners" when he makes it become "plain pasta" and you can add cheese, or not. If we do rice, then you can put it on a tortilla and add fake meat, cheese. Really bare minimum. We don't usually SERVE veggies as part of supper but we usually have carrots, celery, apples, oranges, bananas and sometimes other veggies and the kids all help themselves. We would have cheese sticks as well, though since Kraft recently lost their reliable hechsher that one hurts and I'm not sure what will replace it. I have kids who "don't like noodles". I have kids who "don't like rice", I have kids who "don't like potatoes". There are very few foods that all 6 kids like so I try to find a medium. We only have chicken/fleishgs as "shabbos leftovers"--and we buy 1 8pc chicken per week, and the kids get chicken nuggets and hot dogs (that they like). The only processed foods/pre-made foods we buy are fish sticks, pizza snaps like once a month, bagels, pitas, and french fries. It's not like I'm stocking up on frozen entrees. We don't even buy frozen pizza, we get ready made pizza dough and make our own. I work full time with 7 kids I need SOMETHING for "easy suppers"

I too don't want them to feel deprived because with our income we shouldn't have to live like paupers, but I honestly don't know why our budget stinks (yes I'm aware of my finances and we don't really buy much so I don't know why our standard of living seems to be below everyone elses)

amother

Orchid ↓

Yesterday at 11:14 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

Pretty judgemental post. Your attitude is so negative. I work and I love to spend on my kids. Don’t get what one has to do with the other. I actually work and my husband doesn’t so it’s not like I don’t carry the financial stress.
People have different attitudes regarding spending as well as regarding food.

BaltoMom65

Yesterday at 11:20 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

Holy! Take a chill pill and reread the op

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 11:29 pm

I want to add that my husband is generally "not controlling" and in general is a mensch, it's I'm having a hard time reading him in this scenario.

He complains that the kids aren't eating the foods he makes--but he relies on the same "5 foods", and then they get bored.

When they voice an opinion of what they want/ they are willing to eat the answers are "it's a patchke" or "too expensive"

I know he'd love it if our kids would do "Rice and beans" for a while so that we can pay down some debt, but they don't want that.

I'd love to find an area that we can scrimp on besides food and clothes (bascially all kohls, walmart, amazon, and some kidichic for my eldest daughter who is almost 10).

↑ Raizle

Yesterday at 11:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok this is the thing. Maybe I'm forgetting what little kids eat but meals made up of mainly carbs and starches are going to lead to hungry kids who snack more.
What do they have for protein besides yoghurt sometimes and chicken for Shabbos? Are you not giving protein because of financials constraints or because they don't like it?
Protein makes you less hungry and is important for their nutrition.

A full meal should have protein, complex carbohydrates and some vegetables.

Of course they will want more snacks, they are hungry without balanced meals

amother

NeonGreen

Yesterday at 11:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, I just want to say, you sound AMAZING. The time and effort you put into saving money when you work full time and have 7 kids really blows my mind. I hope I can one day be as good as you at saving money.

That being said, I do think it's important socially for the kids to have snacks in school. It's a reality. Kids feel left out when they don't have snacks they see other kids have. So I would try to bend on that a little.

As for dinners, maybe you can get good ideas from imamothers here about other good dinner options to change it up a bit for the kids!

↑ MommyPhD

Today at 12:30 am

amother Ebony wrote:

I don't know. I grew up where we never got snack bags, treats were carefully rationed and we were only allowed a small amount. It wasn't a nice feeling and I grew up feeling deprived.
I choose to try and be more generous. We don't have much money to spare and I try and be careful, but I don't want my children to feel deprived. I don't buy the snack bags, I bake a lot. I let them choose something special for shabbos, they get something special for rosh chodesh. I take them out once every few months, each child on their own, something small like an ice coffee. And I hope that it makes them feel like they are getting everything they want.
I'm somewhere in the middle between op and her dh. I get the not wanting to make 2 suppers, but I try to know my kids preferences. I'm not going to make a one pot supper that I know might be easy for me, but no one will eat. And yes there are the nights where someone decides they don't like the supper, and that's where they can have cereal and milk.

I can definitely relate to your post. My husband and I make decent money but also grew up without much, and I do like to indulge my children within reason. I think it sounds like you are managing beautifully!